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My three brothers act like I am the one that should be providing all caregiver activities because I am the daughter.

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I used to think that it would be unthinkable not to stay in touch with a sibling when their parents pass away, but I have changed my opinion. It almost seems incredible that some siblings could be so uncaring and selfish, not to mention terribly unfair. Even if they didn't want to help their aging parents, as least they could help out to maintain the relationship with their siblings. It is a tremendous additional strain on caregivers not having sibling help, and extremely energy draining. Before caregiving, I realized some people could be selfish, but I never knew how incredibly selfish some people can be. I guess the best thing is to try to not think about, if possible.
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Have same problem so heres what ive done they havnt responded but at least ive given them something to ponder on.
I googled the following and sent them in the post to all my family if they think this is easy then read all about it:
Depression and caregiving
Caregiver burnout
Dementia and hygiene
dementia and hoarding
dementia and depression
caring for someone with dementia
and heres the classic "when siblings dont help out with cargiving".
Try this and see if this works?
My brother is calling more and doing a bit more around house although has no idea of what i have to do everyday.
anyway must dash have to take out my mums incontinence pads from bin and put them into a black bag as she just throws them on top of black bags!
Wouldnt wish this on anyone. Good luck with your family if all else fails just ignore them do what you can and when the end comes find peace in the knowledge that you did the right thing.
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Unfortunately, there always seems to be one child that does the care giving while others breathe a sigh of relief that the duty did not fall on them. At least that is what happened to my husband in regards to his mother. He has an older brother that is married ---lives in Florida and neither the brother or his wife has had one iota of caring or desire to get involved in her life. In fact, he has not visited her in twelve years!! About three years ago in early November 2010, he had called her and found out the phone had been disconnected. We had already moved her from NJ to our place in North Carolina. He wanted to know what happened to her and of course, we told him she needed extensive care and we took her and found her a place to live. Would you believe we have never heard from him or his wife again? No call, letters or any offer of any money or even an inquiry as to how she is doing of if she is still alive. So , six months ago my husband called him and asked if he was ever coming to visit her before she passed away? His response was, " I don't have any money to fly up there". Then , my husband said, you have a car , don't you? You can drive up or I will send her on airplane so you can see her at your home. We could hear the wife whispering in background that she did not want her there and she couldn't look after her. The two rotten people have never so much as sent a $20 bill to us to take her out to lunch or buy her a nightie. I disgusts me and angers my husband but we sleep with a clear conscience. When my mother in law does finally pass away, we are not even going to contact these two pathetic excuses for humans. My mother in law has no assets to speak of and very little monthly SS check so we are not surprised at their lack of involvement . Nothing to gain for these low life's.
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Princess and others, we are the ones that care and are becoming stronger each day because of what we are doing. The problem with only one child taking responsibility is common whether out of state, no money, no time, no interest, or you name it!! And it is not just brothers that do not help, happens with sisters too. I have two sibs one 5 miles away the other 10 miles away, still no help to speak of. They have no clue what their mother needs. It is selfishness and being self centered that drives them. There is nothing I can do to get more help, or relieve their sense of irresponsibility and entitlement.
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Haaaaaa! I have to laugh every time I see this question (which is a lot).. It's the age old question.. Does a tree make noise if it falls etc..The chicken or the egg etc.. These questions scientists can answer but are stymied by siblings lack of support! Lol
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My brother lives about 2 miles away and only comes by if he needs to do his laundry or eat.. I asked him to come over after work to check on dad after the caregiver leaves for the day, and in the past 3 weeks, he stopped by twice.. On Tuesday when I came home, the caregiver left my dad in his wheelchair, unlocked.. Dad was about a foot away from the stair going to the lower level of the house.. My brother was sitting at the coffee house down the street.. He had the nerve to ask why I was upset w/ him.. He came over today to sit w/ dad and told me I had 2 hours for myself.. He is more concerned about finding a way to get dad into the VA than he is about helping out everyone once in a while.. And I just love when he posts comments on Facebook that he is "spending time w/ dad", and everyone compliments what a good son he is.. Sooooo frustrating.. As the others have said in their posts, we as caregivers do what we know is right.. I am proud of myself for helping my dad.. This is driving a wedge between my brother and I, but it's on him to stop avoiding reality.. Not every minute is terrible.. Feels great to vent and commiserate..!
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This is the "topic of the week" for me -- weekly! They just won't do anything in Mom's direction. Perhaps fear holds them back? I've tried everything and nothing works so I pretty much gave up. If they can live w/themselves for doing nothing, then that's on them. And also, I just don't have any more energy to try. I'm so exhausted w/Mom's daily care. I DO make it a point to express this to them (and anyone else that asks about her) to see if anyone will step up. Most people are self-centered and really, don't care. Move on. Spend your time on more productive tasks. And don't forget yourself on the list.
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Unfortunately in my case, my brother has not contributed any time or helped ith any work that needs done. You can't force him to help, so I'd write him off t
In this area. I'm in the same boat.
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I agree with assandache7! Over the 18 years that I have been caring for my mother I have specifically told my brother and sister what they can do to help. But after once or twice they conveniently go back to their old pattern of finding every excuse of why they can't. Never mind that I and my family have always done it! Now even mom is making excuses for them and lying to people saying that they give her things when they don't!!! I am so tired of it! And yes either my siblings are really that stupid or they really are that self centered. I think it's the latter.
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I've already addressed this topic, but it's so disturbing and I keep thinking of more comments. For me, with my only sibling my brother, who does absolutely nothing for my 98 yr old father. He lets me do it all, not only the physical things but the mental worry that's goes with it. When I'm exhausted and push myself to keep going, I wonder what he's doing right at that moment. When I do talk to him I listen very carefully to what he's been doing, where he and his wife have gone,
his daily walk on the beach at Cape Cod, his early evening of wine and cheese. How can children with the same parents, brought up in the same house, be so different? Twelve years ago when my mother was in the hospital I remember him telling me he can't do this much longer. He meant going to the hospital to visit her. So here we are twelve years later and he doesn't want to hear anything about our failing father. After saying that, it should have been a clue for me of his true selfish, character. I hate the resentment that builds up in me over this and try to be above it. The bottom line is, no matter what I try to do, it honestly just 'pisses' me off.
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