Where do I go to get POA or custody of my father (79) with Alzheimer's?

How far do they live from you? I wondered if you or someone else could come in to help. If your father has dementia, he may not be competent to assign a POA. Only the person can assign a POA for themselves. If the situation is very bad you can petition the probate court for guardianship of your father. This is an expensive thing to do, though, and may be difficult since there could be resistance from the wife. It would be nice if you could arrange for someone to help your father and his wife without having to go through the legal steps.

Only the person himself can grant a POA for healthcare or finance. He can only do that if he is competent to understand what he is doing. If he is competent, yes he can assign the POAs to you. If he is not, then that ship has already sailed. He can't assign POA. Guardianship would be the only answer. That would require showing incompetence and that his needs are not being met in the present circumstance. If he is in later stages, it may be easier to try to get some help in. Would his wife be okay with this?

So, what, you went to visit them and found them like this? How often are you able to see them, usually?

If your father and his wife are literally living in this filth, and his wife is ill anyway, it's a safeguarding issue. Call social services.

I'm also wondering what you would have planned to do with your POA/guardianship. Does your father want to be separated from his sick wife? What's to become of her, or are you not bothered about that? - because he might be.

With any luck, social workers will be able to assess their living situation and advise on what support they need. If the wife really can't cope, they may well advise that your father either comes and lives with you or is moved into a facility, or just possibly that they move as a couple to a place where they can be supported and cared for. Best to have some idea of what options you'd be able and willing to work with in advance.

Does the wife have any family of her own?

Yes, call social services and/or the health department. You don't need a POA to take care of the situation. You can take your dad to the doctor for medical care, hire a clean up crew, whatever. Trust me, I've done it.

we live 4 hours away, so your saying we cant get POA over him?

Yes, call social services and/or the health department. You don't need a POA to take care of the situation. You can take your dad to the doctor for medical care, hire a clean up crew, whatever. Trust me, I've done it.