Should I get POA?

I don't think that most people really realize what it means to be a DPOA or Healthcare POA. There is SO MUCH time involved and so much responsibility. I think that if they did, few would consent.

I know that I would not consent to do it again, except for my parents and I'm waivering on those. I accepted for my second cousin and it's tied my life up for the next chapter of my life. Her life expectancy, is uncertain. It's literally years of your life that you are limited to travel, recreation, residence local, lifestyle, etc.

I think that even 2 or 3 alternates would be good - life changes fast & someone in good faith agrees then gets sick - most don't update more often than 10 years .. so many things can happen in that time

Older adults should indeed be very thoughtful when they designate someone as POA. It's also a good idea to designate an alternate. A good elder law attorney can help seniors anticipate common problems and draft a POA that helps avoid those.

And then I completely agree with @Countrymouse: a POA should not be a "set it and forget it" document. It's important to regularly review the documents, discuss with the named individuals (and perhaps others in the family), and then consider whether any changes might be justified.

These situations make me seethe. I place the blame squarely at the feet of the children who accept POA, forget all about it, and then utterly fail to live up to the responsibilities they accepted with it.

Moral: be very careful when you select the person to whom you give POA, and review your choice regularly.

We're going through a similar situation with my aunt who has dementia. The older of the two sons didn't tell anyone that he was going to get a POA. However, this son has no idea about her financial stuff, has not kept up with any of her meds and is going to court over neglect and emotional abuse. The other son has been told by DSS that he could obtain legal guardianship of his mother which would negate the POA of the older son. This sad case is going to the courts but DSS has told the younger son he could get started applying for legal guardianship now. We're waiting to see how this turns out but it does sound like you have an alternative to your uncle's POA. Hopefully he'll understand the fact that you're already handling everything anyway and he will not fight the legal guardianship. DSS can help you figure this stuff out without having to do an official report of anything. Good luck!

As others have noted, if your grandmother has significant dementia, then she almost certainly has lost capacity to sign a new POA. Also sounds like she has lost capacity to manage her affairs and healthcare.

Why don't you tell us more about what kind of help you are trying to get. A POA will not necessarily help you get her to the doctor. Are there situations in which others are not recognizing her impaired capacity? (For instance, are others letting her be the judge of whether or not she needs to go to the doctor?)

And have you notified the doctor of your concerns and difficulties? You do not need to be POA or even have HIPAA authorization to do this. The doctor may have limits on what can be disclosed to you, but family always has the right to express concerns to involved clinicians. (Best to do it in writing, so it goes into her chart.) And if you are her primary caregiver, the doctor should absolutely know what kind of challenges you are encountering with her care.

I would also recommend you read the HIPAA FAQs for individuals on the health and human services website. They explain when clinicians can disclose information to family members and caregivers, even if the patient is unable to give consent.
https://www.hhs.gov/hipaa/for-individuals/faq/index.html

Lastly, you should certainly try to coordinate with your grandmother's POA. The details of the POA document and your state laws will probably determine whether the authority of the POA can be transferred to you or not.

Good luck.

Try to work with your uncle - he possibly could retain POA & then sign a document that you are his assigned agent for doing some duties - these need to be mentioned in the document - then show that to who ever needs to see something - even if you took a nominal $1.00 for 'work' as the agent this would give you more power to assist your grandmother as you are the on-the-ground person then he would be an overseer to you - worth checking out

Your grandmother sounds mentally incompetent to sign any document. I recommend that you consult an attorney experienced in guardianship of a disabled adult. You will need to ask th4e court to set aside the POA and appoint you guardian.

sorry to hear that my mom is 81 with dementia she has trouble too your grandma is further ahead !!!! it is to late for her to sign you to it you should have a POA .
but to late my mom had to go into a nursing home for 13 days .iwanted to find out about her medicine & they would not tell me a thing but the next week they complain she was wandering at night well i knew that they did not give her meds for that .so that is why there needs to be a poa so that is good but your brother needs to get involved .if she goes in a nursing home they will not tell you much at all ..i hate that ..good luck

Definitely investigate it! Ask the son if there is a clause where he can designate another if 'he is not able', or if the POA mentions an alternate. It all depends on how it was written up. If she is fighting you to sign a piece of paper, she does not sound 100% cognizant and this is a worry. I'm uncertain if you can get guardianship when the son is sitting with a POA. First stop is to speak to her son. Good luck.

If she isn't cognizant, then she cannot sign a document designating you as POA.

Her son is POA .. and that is how it will remain unless you get a court to assign a guardian for her.

Discuss with her son how to handle this now. He cannot designate you POA. ... only she could do that...but now it is too late