I looked to see if Teepa had any suggestions about telling someone with dementia they stink. She did, and it falls under reasoning with a demented brain that cannot reason. In other words, it doesn't work.
According to Teepa: "Starting at stage 5 of dementia, the logistics of bathing – with its rituals, schedule, order, gadgets and steps – become somehow complex. What used to be a pleasant time dedicated to grooming and self care slowly turn into an annoying chore, and people start neglecting it. At stage 6, bathing is not only difficult, but the reason for bathing becomes utterly elusive. In addition to being unable to understand the need for bathing, people find it uncomfortable: bathroom is cold, water hitting on skin is scary, being disrobed feels vulnerable and embarrassing, running water sounds loud and there is a fear of falling."
Teepa goes on about how to prepare the bathroom *before* inviting the person in for a bath: "Start with preparing the bath room. Remove locks from bathroom door. Make sure electric dryers and razors are out of reach. Install grab bars and a hand-held spray attachment to shower head. Use non-slip bath mat on the floor outside the tub. Remove clutter. Consider a padded shower chair. Make sure room is well lit and warm. Lay out soap, washcloth, towel and clean clothes in sequence. Consider a towel warmer. Use less water in tub, adjust water temperature to the person’s comfort. Use curtains and robes to enhance privacy. Play soft music on the background. Bath is prepared!"
Teepa gives other valuable tips: "Evaluate the best time of day for bathing. Consider old habits and time of day when person is most relaxed. Try not to get too anxious when a person refuses a bath. Wait and try again later. Try bathing instructions on a prescription pad. Try offering a couple of choices: do you want a bath or a shower? Simplify the task as much of possible. Take your time. Do not rush. Gently guide the person through each step. Use simple cues and respectful language. Let them touch the water before getting in. Provide a wash towel to hold while bathing. Provide encouragement saying things like the water feels so nice or this feels good. Make sure they are covered and warm when drying. Offer a reward, such as a favorite food or a ride in the car. Compliment the person on how good they look and how nice they smell."
How far has your mom's dementia progressed? Your profile says that she's living in Independent Living. What kind of care does she have there? Does she have a caretaker there? Is there someone who is working with her daily to assist her with bathing? How long has she lived there?
I might take a close look at where she is and see if it is still meeting her needs. For people who lose their initiative to take care of hygiene, grooming, etc., it may be that restoring that skill is not possible. They either can't remember, think they have already done it or just don't like doing it. For whatever reason, it's usually time to have someone there to ensure that they are cleaned. It might be with wipes or bath from the sink. It doesn't always have to be a shower. You can no longer rely on them to do it.
Is there an assisted living or Memory Care unit in the facility? I might explore how they could better serve her daily needs. Maybe, an assessment would be helpful.
Based on my experience with my loved one, begging, reminding, explaining, etc., did not work. The only thing that got me anywhere was just running the water and getting the soap lathered up on the washcloth and handing it to her. She wasn't pleased, but, insisted it be done and I talked with her in an upbeat cheerful attitude while she did it. Once she got to AL, they ensured she bathed too, and gave her her showers a couple of times per week. I think they were pretty persistent too.
We cannot afford assisted living for my Mom but we can afford a CNA twice a month so Mom gets a full shower twice per month from the CNA and sponge baths the rest of the time. I take her to the hair dresser once per month and to get her nails done. So far, so good.
SUGGEST THEY WEAR A HAT!! Depending at what stage they are with their Dementia, sometimes only a ridiculous idea will work in a ridiculous situation. My elderly clients are still in their own homes so are still quite capable physically - just need some inspiration mentally. Why SHOULDN'T they wear a silly hat?! Make it a laugh for both of you. More than likely they won't remember 'Hat' day so you get to do a repeat performance for the 'first' time again, on every shower day!
I disagree with physically forcing someone who is afraid of showering - into a shower. It's crule and frankly, abusive in my book. I don't care how dirty they are or how badly they smell. It may take time, research, bribery, whatever - but there will be a better way. I have severe (thanks, cwillie) clostriphobia- and I do mean severe - if anyone ever shoved me into an elevator, even for my own good - I would probably loose my mind. At the very least it would only make my condition worse and I would likely never get over the incident. And, I would search out the horribly mean, crule person who did it to me and extract some serious payback. Force is NOT the answer.
I had the same problem with my husband (61 yrs old) with frontal temporal dementia. He would not step into the regular tub, so I did sponge baths for quite awhile then tried to get him into my walk in bath...it works! He holds on to the ledge by the shower for dear life but I gently push him in with my body and he goes in. I am right there to shower him and soap him up. There is a seat in the shower if needed. Only gets a shower 2-3 times a wk but I am glad for that. Sometimes you have to be creative. I use a periwash bottle for other times to get his bottom clean.
My mother never lets any of her offspring touch her as regards her hygiene and would insist that she had already showered. Most of the time the shower (which has a seat, a hand spray attachment and a liquid soap dispenser within reach) would be completely dry. Occasionally she would turn the shower on but never get in. I could see her walking around her bedroom fiddling with stuff while the water ran down the drain. Maddening!
The solution was to get in-home assistance. The very first time a helper came in she had Mom all cleaned up, including dentures (which I was not successful getting her to clean either) and in fresh clothing an hour after they were introduced. It may not happen that quickly or smoothly for some, but a properly trained visiting caretaker will usually be successful where family members are not. A lot of it I'm sure has to do with the fact that a parent has vivid memories of raising us and changing our diapers but has no realization that the roles have been switched and that they are no longer able to care for themselves. It is difficult for me to relate this person to the capable and caring mother I once knew. It must be especially confusing and at times frightening for her.
I am sorry, but sometimes it just comes down to telling them "you need to get in the shower." I hope when I get up there in age that someone tells me "hey lady, you stink." Seriously.
I'm with you, Llamalover. When it comes to a booger in the nose, food on the teeth or smelling badly, I would much rather the momentary embarrassment of being told than eventually figuring it out on my own and wondering how long I've been that way. I love my showers - fancy soaps and a good loofa and I'm in for 30 minutes. If I ever resist a shower I think I'd have to know something is wrong with me - at least I hope so!
Hi, I am Cindy, I am a patient. Ha! Ha! - When you get an answer, PLEASE let me know! I am getting Frontal Lobe white matter dementia, from Neuro-Behcet's disease.. I don't KNOW WHY I don't want to shower... I just don't. I feel so exhausted all the time - It is ONE MORE thing I don't get to! I mean to, I "forget to remember". It is like picking up shattered glass - you never get ALL of it and you can't put it back together. I can't finish anything because my BRAIN and thoughts are like Shattered Glass" ! I don't know if this is how YOUR loved one thinks or feels - but it might give you a clue. Maybe keep it a FAST "in and out", with a spray/hand held & a shower chair? This is why it is called DEMENTIA! I have no Idea "WHY", for many things in my life now. I can't organize and every thing is a mess, I can't follow through on anything. Not even "undress, get in the shower, etc., etc.,!" I feel overwhelmed and don't know where to start. I hope my insight may be helpful to you in some way. I really don't know what it takes to make someone shower. All I can tell you - Is why I don't. Cindy
According to Teepa:
"Starting at stage 5 of dementia, the logistics of bathing – with its rituals, schedule,
order, gadgets and steps – become somehow complex. What used to be a pleasant time dedicated to grooming and self care slowly turn into an annoying chore, and people start neglecting it. At stage 6, bathing is not only difficult, but the reason for bathing becomes utterly elusive. In addition to being unable to understand the need for bathing, people find it uncomfortable: bathroom is cold, water hitting on skin is scary, being disrobed feels vulnerable and embarrassing, running water sounds loud and there is a fear of falling."
Teepa goes on about how to prepare the bathroom *before* inviting the person in for a bath:
"Start with preparing the bath room. Remove locks from bathroom door. Make sure
electric dryers and razors are out of reach. Install grab bars and a hand-held spray
attachment to shower head. Use non-slip bath mat on the floor outside the tub. Remove clutter. Consider a padded shower chair. Make sure room is well lit and warm. Lay out soap, washcloth, towel and clean clothes in sequence. Consider a towel warmer. Use less water in tub, adjust water temperature to the person’s comfort. Use curtains and robes to enhance privacy. Play soft music on the
background. Bath is prepared!"
Teepa gives other valuable tips:
"Evaluate the best time of day for bathing. Consider old habits and time of day
when person is most relaxed. Try not to get too anxious when a person
refuses a bath. Wait and try again later. Try bathing instructions on a
prescription pad. Try offering a couple of choices: do you want a bath or a shower?
Simplify the task as much of possible. Take your time. Do not rush. Gently guide the person through each step. Use simple cues and respectful language. Let them touch the water before getting in. Provide a wash towel to hold while bathing. Provide encouragement saying things like the water feels so nice or this feels good. Make sure they are covered and warm when drying. Offer a reward, such as a favorite food or a ride in the car. Compliment the person on how good they look and how nice they smell."
I might take a close look at where she is and see if it is still meeting her needs. For people who lose their initiative to take care of hygiene, grooming, etc., it may be that restoring that skill is not possible. They either can't remember, think they have already done it or just don't like doing it. For whatever reason, it's usually time to have someone there to ensure that they are cleaned. It might be with wipes or bath from the sink. It doesn't always have to be a shower. You can no longer rely on them to do it.
Is there an assisted living or Memory Care unit in the facility? I might explore how they could better serve her daily needs. Maybe, an assessment would be helpful.
Based on my experience with my loved one, begging, reminding, explaining, etc., did not work. The only thing that got me anywhere was just running the water and getting the soap lathered up on the washcloth and handing it to her. She wasn't pleased, but, insisted it be done and I talked with her in an upbeat cheerful attitude while she did it. Once she got to AL, they ensured she bathed too, and gave her her showers a couple of times per week. I think they were pretty persistent too.
Depending at what stage they are with their Dementia, sometimes only a ridiculous idea will work in a ridiculous situation. My elderly clients are still in their own homes so are still quite capable physically - just need some inspiration mentally. Why SHOULDN'T they wear a silly hat?! Make it a laugh for both of you. More than likely they won't remember 'Hat' day so you get to do a repeat performance for the 'first' time again, on every shower day!
The solution was to get in-home assistance. The very first time a helper came in she had Mom all cleaned up, including dentures (which I was not successful getting her to clean either) and in fresh clothing an hour after they were introduced. It may not happen that quickly or smoothly for some, but a properly trained visiting caretaker will usually be successful where family members are not. A lot of it I'm sure has to do with the fact that a parent has vivid memories of raising us and changing our diapers but has no realization that the roles have been switched and that they are no longer able to care for themselves. It is difficult for me to relate this person to the capable and caring mother I once knew. It must be especially confusing and at times frightening for her.
I am Cindy, I am a patient. Ha! Ha! - When you get an answer, PLEASE let me know! I am getting Frontal Lobe white matter dementia, from Neuro-Behcet's disease.. I don't KNOW WHY I don't want to shower... I just don't. I feel so exhausted all the time - It is ONE MORE thing I don't get to! I mean to, I "forget to remember". It is like picking up shattered glass - you never get ALL of it and you can't put it back together. I can't finish anything because my BRAIN and thoughts are like Shattered Glass" ! I don't know if this is how YOUR loved one thinks or feels - but it might give you a clue. Maybe keep it a FAST "in and out", with a spray/hand held & a shower chair?
This is why it is called DEMENTIA! I have no Idea "WHY", for many things in my life now. I can't organize and every thing is a mess, I can't follow through on anything. Not even "undress, get in the shower, etc., etc.,!" I feel overwhelmed and don't know where to start.
I hope my insight may be helpful to you in some way. I really don't know what it takes to make someone shower. All I can tell you - Is why I don't.
Cindy
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