I cared for my mother with dementia for 8 years, but earlier this year I began falling apart and two doctors warned me to leave and get a sibling to care for her or I would wind up with a heart attack or stroke from the stress. I told my sisters I had to leave and they would have to hire someone to care for her or they would have to do it.
They hired a day care giver for 8 hours a day since they both worked. Mom was placed into a psych ward in a hospital for about 18 days recently because her doctor thought her medication was too strong and he wanted to change it.
Mom became a bit worse while there as everyone was loud and screaming,etc.
Her doctor told my sister that Mom needed to be placed into a nursing home, that she cannot be cared for at home. So the search began to try and find an opening in any facility with memory care that was secure. It was heartbreaking to see many of the facilities and the one that was perfect was private and did not accept insurance, the second facility had patients that had been waiting for over two years to be admitted.
We found a place that we think is nice but Mom was not told about it until she arrived and was checked in to keep her from yelling and fighting. She has not had an outburst and she seems to be doing okay this past week.
My sisters and I feel like a "dirty dog" for putting her in a nursing home. We spent days crying because it felt like we had "lost" our mother that day even though she had not passed away.
I cannot go there and spend all day or every day,or I will be back where I was months ago. We were told we could begin visiting Mom but I am afraid we are going to confuse her and she is going to be shattered that we are leaving and she has to stay. She talked with the Director of Nursing today and told her she needed her keys and purse, so she could go home and get dinner started for my Dad.....who passed away in 2006.
What have you come up against and how have you handled it?