I have been caring for my 93 yr old mother for just short of 10 yrs. We built a cottage for her right next to us on our rural property. She is a narcissist so of course nothing is ever good enough, but counting to 10 while walking away has worked wonders. Her Parkinson's and Dementia has gotten progressively worst with the years. Now she has gotten worse with falls, and not getting around at all without assistance. Her recent trip to the hospital and now rehab has been a wake up call. I am not a spring chicken myself and unable to pick her up or transfer any longer. I also care for my disabled husband, but he is able to help me assist him. I just received a hateful message from my sister that is very accusatory, but I will deal with her after my mother is safely placed. Then the two of them can talk and spew hate over the phone without me being in the immediate crossfire. I know what is going to happen is in my mothers best interest, but I still feel guilty like I have failed in some way. I guess I thought I was superwoman and would never have to do this. Anyone out there found a way to help yourself get over the guilt?

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freqflyer my sister has been a pot stirrer all her life and refuses to take any responsibility other that waiting for her "inheritance". She learned from an expert, our mother. Boy to see these two in action is unbelievable. I am just grateful that we are a state away from each other for sanities sake. My father and I were blown away by their antics, and not in a good way. My husband promised my father before he passed that he would make sure mom was taken care of. Dad knew I would but he just needed that reassurance of the man to man bond and knowing my husband is a man of his word. I remind myself every time there is drama that Dad is watching and rolling his eyes along with me. It's too bad that the family drama gets in the way of the meaningful moments that could make life so precious.
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RatherBeFishing, why not have your sister take care of your Mother for a few weeks.  Bet she will be whistling a different tune after just one week.  Siblings who aren't in the mist of caregiving think it is so easy that anyone can do it.  And heaven knows what your Mom is saying about you, as Dementia can cause elders to make up stories.

Try to put the guilt on a low flame.  Your Mom needs a higher level of care than you are physically able to do.  There is just no two ways about it.

My parents lived by themselves in their own house, both in their 90's, still somewhat sharp but my Mom was in denial about her age and both of their abilities to do things.  She refused caregivers.  One day she had a horrible fall, thus she spent the last thee months of her life in long-term-care.  I felt no guilt placing her there, as I couldn't take care of her as I was a senior myself.

I had a bit of guilt when my Dad moved to senior living, even though it was his choice.  It was like how one would feel sending their child off to college.
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Good evening
You are a hero for providing care for 10 years

I had to place my 93 year old mom a year ago following a fall - I chose what I thought was the very best memory care facility as the thought of going back to the rehab where she was just 6 weeks prior was more than I could take

It's been a hell of a hard year and I hate not being able to have her home but there is not a day that I'm still not trying to take care of her

Dementia is a long tiring journey for everyone

Try to have no regrets and no guilt - you're doing the best you can
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