Any helpful hints out there to get over the guilt of having to turn over care to a facility?
I have been caring for my 93 yr old mother for just short of 10 yrs. We built a cottage for her right next to us on our rural property. She is a narcissist so of course nothing is ever good enough, but counting to 10 while walking away has worked wonders. Her Parkinson's and Dementia has gotten progressively worst with the years. Now she has gotten worse with falls, and not getting around at all without assistance. Her recent trip to the hospital and now rehab has been a wake up call. I am not a spring chicken myself and unable to pick her up or transfer any longer. I also care for my disabled husband, but he is able to help me assist him. I just received a hateful message from my sister that is very accusatory, but I will deal with her after my mother is safely placed. Then the two of them can talk and spew hate over the phone without me being in the immediate crossfire. I know what is going to happen is in my mothers best interest, but I still feel guilty like I have failed in some way. I guess I thought I was superwoman and would never have to do this. Anyone out there found a way to help yourself get over the guilt?
You are a hero for providing care for 10 years
I had to place my 93 year old mom a year ago following a fall - I chose what I thought was the very best memory care facility as the thought of going back to the rehab where she was just 6 weeks prior was more than I could take
It's been a hell of a hard year and I hate not being able to have her home but there is not a day that I'm still not trying to take care of her
Dementia is a long tiring journey for everyone
Try to have no regrets and no guilt - you're doing the best you can
Try to put the guilt on a low flame. Your Mom needs a higher level of care than you are physically able to do. There is just no two ways about it.
My parents lived by themselves in their own house, both in their 90's, still somewhat sharp but my Mom was in denial about her age and both of their abilities to do things. She refused caregivers. One day she had a horrible fall, thus she spent the last thee months of her life in long-term-care. I felt no guilt placing her there, as I couldn't take care of her as I was a senior myself.
I had a bit of guilt when my Dad moved to senior living, even though it was his choice. It was like how one would feel sending their child off to college.