My mom has dementia, dialysis, lupus and COPD but I can't get her to stop smoking. What do I do?

My mother smoked, with debilitating COPD, into her mid 80's. The more we implored her to stop, the sneakier & more devious she became.
The cigarette melted the Ox. tubing once but she managed to pinch it shut before there was a fire. Maybe you should back off the attempts to reason with her. Cut off the source of the cigarettes if you can or if you must -- otherwise let her have what is probably the only pleasure she has left. Just make sure she smokes in a safe environment and doesn't burn down the house! Perhaps people should have the freedom to live their lives as they want as long as that behavior does not injure others.

Let her smoke if she wants to, what other enjoyment does she have in life? I really get preturbed to see people say "place her" if she isn't doing what YOU think she should be doing. My God, the woman is suffering from other ailments and enjoys having a cigarette!? If she is a responsible smoker, (uses ashtrays, puts out her cigarettes when she is finished, blows out her matches, etc.) then by all means, let her smoke...you have to remember that age group saw ads on t.v. and newspapers that smoking was relaxing, and was socially acceptable. All of the research hadn't been done about the long term affects of smoking. My Mom smokes ALL the time, and if she doesn't have cigarettes, she yells, curses and calls me names. She refuses to let ANYONE "boss" her, so if she refuses to take her meds, but a pack of cigarettes will get her to calm down, I'll trudge snow and rain to get them for her. They don't feel young and vibrant anymore, and that is a main reason to let them have some dang independence, even if it be smoking a cigarette. And to all those who said, "PLACE HER" ....SHAME on you!

The smoking issue has tormented me my whole life. My step-father and now my husband. I feel the lady who said that it is okay as long as their behavior does not injure others has a point.. Well, IT DOES INJURE OTHERS! Smoke is quiet and unseen and sneaky. If you had white walls, you will notice them become off-white, then yellowish, and then beige. It sneaks into one's lungs and destroys a few alveoli. Then, one day , the doc mentions that you have a little emphysema...and you never had a cigarette. The medical folks start treating you like you are a smoker, even charging you the smoker rates on health insurance. My father-in-law, 85, pulls off his oxygen tube and runs over to the laundry room to have a quick puff. Believe me, I have tried everything with all of them, and nothing works.

I cannot count the times I tried to get Mom to do things that are heathful for her...like exercising, eating well, getting enough fiber for those all important BMs, but, to no avail. She just fired all her in-home help today!
I guess you could say that everyone has been given the gift of free will, so let them exercise it.
However, when it comes to a smoking habit, that impacts everyone. It is also an extreme danger if she is hooked up to all these machines. Stop the supply of cigs and give her lots of hard candy or something else to do with her time. She would not be allowed these behaviors in a medical facility, why should you have to put up with them? You are not her "mom" you are her caregiver and, therefore, it is your duty to make these health decisions for her; particularly in light of her dementia. Really....you have enough to do...give yourself a break from the worry.
good luck
Lilli

it is hard to quit smokin , i tried it and it drove me crazy .
your mom has been smokin allher life and takin her ciggy away from her will only make her mean and mad than hell and god knows what she;ll do next .
just tell her she can only smoke outside or out on the porch , no more smokin in the house cuz of the fire or something like that .
its like takin a dog s favroite toy away from him , he ll bite ya !

ihardebeck-you are 100% right !!!

thanks nance . i wouldnt want someone take my ciggy away from me .
myhusband would play around and hide them . oh man i get realy fussy and my nerves just flares up . quickly he gives them back to me , :-)

I get what your saying, but its killing her, she cant breathe, she disconnects at night when she is groggy, and has just gotten over an infection in her peritoneal sac. I do understand how hard it is, i have quit smoking after about 20 years, and she does only smoke in the garage. my only request will be to her that she not disconnect herself to smoke... we will see

nitewalk-do you know anyone that had laser done and what were the results? I'm very interested.

If having all those ills doesn't make a person stop smoking, then I don't know what would. I'm afraid it's gonna be something deadly to give my husband the incentive to stop, but if it doesn't what is there to do? It's a terrible habit, and I think selfish too.