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She disconnects herself at night to go smoke and leaves the dialysis cords just hanging. I try to be firm, but i feel like a witch and she feels like im trying to be mom..what should I do?

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I'd be afraid she'd set herself on fire when nobody was around. You really have an awful dilemma. It's hard enough to quit when you're sane, I can't imagine how you can get her to quit if she has dementia. But something's gotta give, you're spending too much time and effort worrying about the problem. As if you didn't have enough to do.
I used to smoke, I know what a hold it has over a person. I had to quit cold turkey because my boss wouldn't allow it. It was tough but the job was worth it. Just to prove how addictive it is, my son-in-law's brother runs short of money some paychecks so he trots his happy butt over to s-i-l's house to hit him up for cig. $ for himself, his wife and son. And people think only drugs are addictive.
Good luck to you,heymomz. Let us know what happens.
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If having all those ills doesn't make a person stop smoking, then I don't know what would. I'm afraid it's gonna be something deadly to give my husband the incentive to stop, but if it doesn't what is there to do? It's a terrible habit, and I think selfish too.
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nitewalk-do you know anyone that had laser done and what were the results? I'm very interested.
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I get what your saying, but its killing her, she cant breathe, she disconnects at night when she is groggy, and has just gotten over an infection in her peritoneal sac. I do understand how hard it is, i have quit smoking after about 20 years, and she does only smoke in the garage. my only request will be to her that she not disconnect herself to smoke... we will see
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thanks nance . i wouldnt want someone take my ciggy away from me .
myhusband would play around and hide them . oh man i get realy fussy and my nerves just flares up . quickly he gives them back to me , :-)
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ihardebeck-you are 100% right !!!
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it is hard to quit smokin , i tried it and it drove me crazy .
your mom has been smokin allher life and takin her ciggy away from her will only make her mean and mad than hell and god knows what she;ll do next .
just tell her she can only smoke outside or out on the porch , no more smokin in the house cuz of the fire or something like that .
its like takin a dog s favroite toy away from him , he ll bite ya !
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You could make an attempt to get her some assistance with a stop smoking clinic. Laser therapy is quick, painless and has no side effects. She has enough going on to rule out patches, gum and more pills.
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I cannot count the times I tried to get Mom to do things that are heathful for her...like exercising, eating well, getting enough fiber for those all important BMs, but, to no avail. She just fired all her in-home help today!
I guess you could say that everyone has been given the gift of free will, so let them exercise it.
However, when it comes to a smoking habit, that impacts everyone. It is also an extreme danger if she is hooked up to all these machines. Stop the supply of cigs and give her lots of hard candy or something else to do with her time. She would not be allowed these behaviors in a medical facility, why should you have to put up with them? You are not her "mom" you are her caregiver and, therefore, it is your duty to make these health decisions for her; particularly in light of her dementia. Really....you have enough to do...give yourself a break from the worry.
good luck
Lilli
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well she does dialysis at home on what is called a cycler, it works overnight while she sleeps. If she wakes up in the middle of the night she just pauses the machine and goes to smoke then goes back to bed...drives me crazie. I am soon going to take her cigs away when she goes to bed.
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Her behaivior is inpacting others and is dangerous to herself ask yourself if she harms herself or someone else who will be blamed-most hospitals do not allow smoking now and what does she do when at dialysis she can not smoke while she is getting treatment.
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The smoking issue has tormented me my whole life. My step-father and now my husband. I feel the lady who said that it is okay as long as their behavior does not injure others has a point.. Well, IT DOES INJURE OTHERS! Smoke is quiet and unseen and sneaky. If you had white walls, you will notice them become off-white, then yellowish, and then beige. It sneaks into one's lungs and destroys a few alveoli. Then, one day , the doc mentions that you have a little emphysema...and you never had a cigarette. The medical folks start treating you like you are a smoker, even charging you the smoker rates on health insurance. My father-in-law, 85, pulls off his oxygen tube and runs over to the laundry room to have a quick puff. Believe me, I have tried everything with all of them, and nothing works.
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My mother also has dementia and dementia will not allow her to smoke safely unless you watch her while she is smoking and also watch her put it out. My mother loved candles and they relaxed her and she loved the way they looked when burning, but she almost burnt the house down when she lit one in the bedroom and forgot to blow it out at night. It set her night stand on fire when the wax dripped down from the burning candle and the smoke alarm woke my Dad and he put out the fire. From then on I hid all the candles from her and only burn the safe ones in the kitchen when I am there to supervise.
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Let her smoke if she wants to, what other enjoyment does she have in life? I really get preturbed to see people say "place her" if she isn't doing what YOU think she should be doing. My God, the woman is suffering from other ailments and enjoys having a cigarette!? If she is a responsible smoker, (uses ashtrays, puts out her cigarettes when she is finished, blows out her matches, etc.) then by all means, let her smoke...you have to remember that age group saw ads on t.v. and newspapers that smoking was relaxing, and was socially acceptable. All of the research hadn't been done about the long term affects of smoking. My Mom smokes ALL the time, and if she doesn't have cigarettes, she yells, curses and calls me names. She refuses to let ANYONE "boss" her, so if she refuses to take her meds, but a pack of cigarettes will get her to calm down, I'll trudge snow and rain to get them for her. They don't feel young and vibrant anymore, and that is a main reason to let them have some dang independence, even if it be smoking a cigarette. And to all those who said, "PLACE HER" ....SHAME on you!
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might want to think about assisted living, or something like that, u have to understand that she is an adult, and has the option as well to smoke, as many people do,even though it is a killer, this is something because of all the other complications that someone skilled needs to deal with,,,,,,,
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Hi Lori---If you are the caegiver for you Mom--as difficult as it may be, you have to stand your ground. Whatever happens-DO NOT try to argue with her-and also do not try to even reason with her, as, unfortunately, she may no long have the capacity to fullt comprehend.
By the way is it possible to get any respite?
If the time does come you need to place your Mom in a facility, and one that has a dementia unit, perhaps her negative habits that are detramental to her health can be brought under control.
Best,
Hap
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My mother smoked, with debilitating COPD, into her mid 80's. The more we implored her to stop, the sneakier & more devious she became.
The cigarette melted the Ox. tubing once but she managed to pinch it shut before there was a fire. Maybe you should back off the attempts to reason with her. Cut off the source of the cigarettes if you can or if you must -- otherwise let her have what is probably the only pleasure she has left. Just make sure she smokes in a safe environment and doesn't burn down the house! Perhaps people should have the freedom to live their lives as they want as long as that behavior does not injure others.
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Maybe it is time for placement you are the one suffering trying to get her to behave right now you are her mom why put yourself through all that-besides everything else she sounds memtally sick tell her the next time she pulls that it's a nursing home or you are out of there and call social services do not play her games it will only make you sick.
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