How do I get my mother to stop saying offensive things?

Simple, tell her you will not take her anywhere until she starts respecting other people. In todays society, that comment is considered a threat to bodily harm and could get your mother arrested. You say your mother has a good mind, then she should realize she cannot go around making threating comments she thinks are harmless and funny. My mother has a tendency to interact poorly with others in public when she gets frustrated due to not having her way. One person actually stood up to her and called her a B _ T_ H! My mother retaliated by whining and crying what a horrible person to say that to her. I was mortified and vowed never to be placed in such an embarrassing situation again with her. She knows if she creates a scene again in public, I will just walk away and let her deal with the ramifications. My mother does not have dementia just a twisted sense of self entitlement.

Asiswas, sorry, but your description of her behavior does not reflect a "good mind." Why would you jokingly deal with her about this? I would take her to a geriatric psychiatrist and have her evaluated. I'm Serious:) xo

I agree with ChristinaW about having her evaluated.

Meanwhile, don't rescue her from the fallout. She is kicked out of the local beauty school? Guess she'll have to pay full price at a local beauty shop then, won't she? Why should you drive 40 minutes each way because of her misbehavior.

Try to find out what is going on with this otherwise intelligent woman. And stop enabling her.

Personality changes are signs of dementia and repeating phases is one of the signs of any kind of brain damage. Without a history of head trauma, I would guess your mother is in early dementia. An odd phrase, often repeated, was the first sign my husband had dementia (although his phrase didn't threaten anyone). Get her to a geriatric specialist for evaluation.

Your mom's behavior is not normal. She needs to been seen by a professional. One way or another, she probably needs some medication. Debralee is right, someone could call the police on her and you by default. Until she receives help, I wouldn't take her out anywhere if I could help it. My mom did the opposite, she was as sweet as pie to everyone in public except me. She acted like she was protected and would lash out at me. I was the one who probably should've called the cops on her. It finally came to the point that I would take her out only as a necessity and had my own witnesses. And even though she didn't have dementia, she wasn't normal either.

She is going to tell that to the wrong person and they are going to call the police.
I learn something about this problem of bad behavior every day. Thanks for posting.

I know how you feel. My Mother says the most inappropriate things- trying to be funny. She used to have a pretty sharp sense of humor but it was always at someone's else's expense. However when she was younger and had better filters she was kinda mean funny but now she is just mean. It is really embarrassing to me but I just let it roll off. However there is no way I would drive her 40 miles because she cannot behave herself in a beauty school. There are consequences to behaviors even when we are old and entitled.

I agree with everyone on here. There are consequences to behaviors no matter how old you are. My mother doesn't say weird stuff in public, but in private it is terrible. She trashes everyone in the family, the neighbors and especially me. And yes, her consequences are that she has no friends, family avoids her and I have cut ties. And she doesn't have dementia or anything, just feels entitled.

I have noticed from reading many posts on this site that if a parent is nasty, selfish and entitled in their younger days, it only gets worse when they get old.

Wow. So many good suggestions here. My Mom has Alzheimer's AND a twisted sense of entitlement. Lucky me. I agree you should stop enabling. Dig your heels in, girl! My Mom flips off people in traffic (while I'm driving -- her DL was revoked). I have told her several times that I'm going to be the one who ends up getting hurt, but she doesn't understand or care. She also acts horribly with me if we fo shopping, so I only take her to eat, meet friends or doctor appointments. It sounds like your mom is holding you hostage "emotionally." My Mom does that too. It's hard, but don't let her get away with it. And (like me) it sounds like you are still trying to get your Mom to accept you. I get that. But it's not going to happen.

I hired a caregiver to take my mom shopping. Your Mom does need to be evaluated. Call her doctor. And don't take her ANYWHERE until that happens. If she cuts her own hair, remember it grows back! I hope everyone's ideas and comments give you some strength to put yourself first.

I suspect impending dementia or Alzheimer's. She needs to be checked and for you to tell the doctor what is happening.

You have all hit the nail on the head: meanness that has always been there but increases when they are older, sense of entitlement, enabling, and then saying what they want especially if they think it's funny (with a twisted sense of humour) and then playing the victim when their bad behaviour is pointed out.
I have all of this with my mother.
They enjoy making these kinds of comments and then standing back to see the results. They are masters at this and do it for maximum shock value and to get a reaction, also to provoke. It gives them the attention they crave and in many cases it is narcissistic supply.
I would take her for an assessment if it is something new that she is demonstrating, however if it has been there most of her life and surfaced in earlier years, then it is just part of her personality. Mine has always had a very skewed sense of humour, enjoyed telling bad news before anyone else to get the "credit" and attention she craved, also enjoyed passing along news items especially if it involved animal or child abuse. She would also find pleasure in recounting others' medical stories, the gorier the better (especially at dinnertime).
They are also experts at bringing up past stories and actions by others (never themselves) which end up usually being grudges they have against others or some horrible thing someone did that was much worse than something THEY would ever do. It's to give themselves importance and to make themselves look better than they really are.
I'm afraid there isn't much you can do about it other than mention it to their family dr. but in most cases it is either their personality, or a degree of dementia, which has already been mentioned on here.
It can become dangerous, however, when these comments are racist, otherwise they are just plain hurtful and should be ignored. I have tried to address these types of comments with my mother but she just turns it back on me and accuses me of being "too sensitive" and "trying to make something out of nothing" (will not acknowledge the comments nor take responsibility for them). This is, of course, the sense of entitlement talking.

You comment is spot on when describing my Mom. She stopped speaking to one sister over 25 years. Another sister and brother for 8 years. She goes on and on about how "wronged" she was. Before she was diagnosed, she did this. It was/is so annoying. When my Mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, they told me she also has an undiagnosed mental illness. No shock to me. I am bipolar, and have seen symptoms and been on the receiving end for years! I'm hoping that her Alzheimer's will make her forget all the grudges. There has to be a silver lining somewhere.