How do I get my Mom to listen to my brother whom she lives with?

Amazing susan is onto something. Its not your mother but your brother, that needs the personality change. Your mother is elderly, she does not need to listen she does not need to be reminded or told, its a case of just do it.
Her memory, her desires, her what to do now, has all gone.
Your brother needs to realise that he is caring for a doll, if you want it to move, then move it, if you want to feed it then feed it. approach.
It is not his mother needing the care and attention , the one who nurtured him for all those years. but this 'doll'
That is why so many folk put their loved ones in rest homes, or that need to be in rest homes. They are living beyond their capabilities of independence.
Whether that helps or not, but yes a wee bit more info so we can help .. good luck

Yes, it sounds to me that you are using strategies of aligning with your mother, where your brother is giving her directions. Teepa Snow, an Occupational Therapist of many years with elders, teaches strategies - and many include simple communication like hand gestures, pointing to the direction, and just saying, Let's go here... while also affirming that you enjoy them and are glad to be with them. I find if they complain, I can say, "yes, isn't it a Pain to have to do these things!" Laugh, and just continue by offering whatever it is right in front of them. If you ask them anything they are not looking at, they will often say no, their capacity to imagine is diminished a lot.

Hmmmmm. Your question prompted several questions for me. What are you doing differently than your brother? What specific behaviours? Body language? Words? Tone of voice? Do your reward her in different ways than he does? My experience is that it's more productive to find ways to help a person with dementia do what THEY want to do rather than to try to make them do what we want them to do.

A lot more information about your Mom's capacity, her relationship with your brother, the environment, etceteras is needed to come up with potential solutions to help your mother live as fully as possible :)

I feel so saddened with your challenges with your mother; however these above comments are straight on. Tough love is something to think about for your own sanity at this point. It is very hard to realize that she is not rational and "not doing what others want her to do" is the only independence she has left. Like a two year old, sometimes we have to make people do things whether they like it or not because we really do know what is best for her. She is not really mentally healthy as she is paranoid and other shut down mental processes. She is amazing to live this long and still be a vibrant angry citizen; however, when a person is self destructive to not do what he/she needs to do, the choice may need to a hard one on your part. Dehydration is a serious issue for older people. I am 74 and am always having to watch becoming dehydrated. Maybe she does not want to keep on living. Ask her. Maybe she needs to be in an adult day service for a while, but for certain, she does not want to be cooperative. I guess we adult children need to make her unhappy by having a caregiver to make sure she does what she needs to do, and/or go someplace to where she will get the help she needs. Always making our parents happy is not part of growing up. Step back and work on your letting go to the point of what you can do and can not do. She may need some medication help to help reduce her anxiety so that a good caregiver can be effective with her. Try to focus more on her physical health to help her or to get help for her. Sometimes, home health workers can be relatives who are paid to stay with her and she has more confidence...... but please try and remember that her old self is passing and do not expect her to be rational. These comments are supportive. Wishing you the best... trying to make some changes for her is better than not doing anything but worrying.

My Mom is 92 and I have experienced the same issues as you. When physical Therapy was here in December she was walking, not much but a least a little each day. As soon as they left she reverted back to doing nothing. Now her muscle tone is so weak that she can't even stand for more that a few minutes. I've tried pleading, begging, bribing, bitching and threats all to no avail. I really believe at that age they just don't care anymore. I would never have believed anyone had they told me twenty years ago that my Mom would act this way, especially to me as we were always VERY close. I feel your pain because I have gone through this also. I would like to tell you that there is a magic cure for this type of behavior but I have yet to find it.
As for the swallowing I found several exercises on the internet to help older people improve their ability to swallow. But again you'll need to have her actually do the exercises for this work. I found Boost VHC, (very high calorie drink) on the internet. It packs over 500 calories in an 8 ounce container. I highly recommend this as it is tasty and is well received.
Sooo, tell your brother to take deep breath, remain loving and supportive and pray for the best. My prayers are with you both!

I agree with gladimhere, in my case it is my Dad who will not listen. There is nothing you can do. My Dad will only listen to my daughter and no one else. That is because he only sees her once a year. Anyone else who tries to help him daily is stealing from him. All service people are thieves. Local restaurants are all being taken over by hostile take overs. (whenever they see to another owner.) you get the idea.

My experience with my own mother is much the same. I think you or someone just has to keep reminding her. As soon as you leave or stop she will not do anything on her own. They need someone to make them come alive, to think and remind them and hopefully to feel. Her brain needs to be jump started. It gets to the point where they will just sit there until they die if not.

Lana, nothing you can do to get her to listen, or maybe she does but just plain does not want to cooperate. Brother needs to come up with things for her to do or help with to get her to move. Simply telling her will not work. Give her a reason.