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Allright, after I posted last week about trying to get my mom some help she got an inheritence check froom her sister and brother in laws estate. It's a goodly sum, it could relieve some of the burden that has been on her for the last few years about having not more than a very meager SS check and a small stipend from her volunteer job. The check has sent her into a downward tail spin. She's done nothing but be very negative and cry most of the week along with again being very needy and demanding.

Tonight we had a couple of scenes at my brothers house over a couple of things that she insisted were lies and she doesnt believe. One was that the bank would not let me cash a chasiers check made out to her even though she tried to sign it over to me. I deposited into her account, I dont need the aggravation or the sceen if I went with her to the bank for them to explain.

Nontheless, tonight my skeptical sister in law saw my moms erratic behavior. She's in a nursing program and she's been working with seniors on her current rounds and she's experiencing things she never believed were true with the care of the elderly. Anyhow, she asked if I thought I could get my mom to a family therapy meeting if she could find a counselor. I think she would go. She really wants to rectify and fix what is broken between her and I. I want to know what the possible outcomes could be if she loses it in a session with no known POA or anything in place. What do you guys think?
Oh and the check she was trying to sign over to me was because she'd been bullied into buying a 4 thousand dollar vaccum and couldnt make the payments and I've been making them for the last two years or so. I couldnt get her out of the contract becuase she didnt tell me till 3 or 4 months after it happend. I dont want or need the money but she's been insistent on paying me back.

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Thanks everyone. I really appreciate all of your comments and on a day when I'm not nearly as emotional over that particular situatation I can see everyones point. Funny how that works, lol. After a little discussion with my husband I've decided that I'm gonna see if I cant find a counselor for myself. As much as I dont want to "have to be" a care giver she does need help and I feel guilty not helping when she needs it. She is my mom after all and I know I would not want to ever be in her situation. I just have to figure out how to come up with some sort of boundaries and then the best way to handle the situation going forward. I know personally I have to remind people and myself sometimes that she's nealy 80, and she does sometimes new a hand.
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Speaking only to the issue of family counseling and whether it's a wise idea...ask these questions of yourself:

Are the issues you want addressed between you and your mother only and/or primarily, or are the other family members involved as well? Are these issues such that discussing them jointly might embarrass your mother, put her on the spot and make her feel uncomfortable?

Have you tried to resolve these issues before, just between the family members?

My gut feeling is that drawing an elderly woman into a group setting might make her feel pressured and/or picked on and produce no positive results. She might feel "ganged up on."

I would think over what's been tried in the past, what worked and what didn't, before agreeing to the meeting.

My other question would be whether an independent social worker or some other professional would be involved, which could change the family dynamics.
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Stop paying for the vacuum cleaner. What are they going to do come after an elderly old lady on SS? Let them have their vacuum cleaner back if that is what they want. These people should be arrested. BTW was this OVC? Contract? What with an elderly lady on SS and possible mental problems? Oh boy would I take that vacuum cleaner and stick it where the sun doesn't shine.
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Kat, I read more of what you had written on other posts. My recommendation is to look for help outside the family through the human services department of your county. I do not blame you for not wanting to get woven into the situation. One thing you may want to consider is to have the State file for guardianship of your mother. That would keep it outside the family. I wouldn't discuss this with your mother, because she is not mentally well from what you wrote. The children will have to arrange it. It is what I would do in your situation. However, I know you have to get your sibling/s to agree.
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Vacuums and inheritance check? A family counselor? How do you feel about that? I would not even consider going to counselor with my sissies at this point. Too much water under the bridge, too much vindictiveness, too much energy that I would rather use for other things. Then at some point it would start all over again. You might want to watch part 1 of "Caring for the caregiver" with Leeza Gibbons and Teepa Snow on YouTube. They talk about not needing crazy family members in your life because they steal too much energy.
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If you think she would agree to counseling and that the counselor would likely refer her for medical evaluation, then I'd say do it. Any way you can get her to medical help is worthwhile.

If she would go for a medical evaluation, I think I'd put that ahead of counseling, although family counseling could also be helpful, especially if the counselor knows her diagnosis (whatever it turns out to be).

A POA is good to have in place. What is holding that up? And I don't see how that is related to counselling. Why is she more apt to "lose it" under the guidance of a professional counselor than in everyday life?
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Of course you can help her get things done. However, it would be a good idea to get a medical and financial POA in order now. I didn't see the other post you refer to, and I can't tell what her health issues are. That said, if she couldn't deal with a vacuum cleaner salesman I'm not sure she could get much out of family counseling to resolve a lifetime of issues. Would that be more for your benefit or yours? If yours, do the therapy yourself. Let her off the hook. I think it would be more productive to get her to a doctor than a counselor.
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I'm Sorry, the money is just kind of an aside becuase it was the thing that has set her off this time. I'm wondering what your thoughts are to getting her to a family counsing session where there really is a chance that she'll "lose it." If she has no POA in place and I dont think she does can my brother and/or I still help her with things like getting bills paid etc.
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I'm not sure if I am understanding the question. The answer seems fairly simple if your mother wants to pay you back the money you spent. She could use the money she inherited to pay off the rest of the debt, then write you a check for the money you spent on the payments. If you wanted, you could just hold that money in your account if you think she may need it again. That way your mother feels better and the money will still be there. Just have her write "repayment of loan" or something like that on the check.
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