How do I get my mom in a nursing home that stays full?

Stpatrick - maybe try approaching it by having her go into a facility by using the "respite care" coverage that Medicare hospice allows. Now you would need to get her on hospice, so call a couple of the larger hospice providers (VITAS, Compassus) to see how they can help you make this happen. Hate to say this but it might be time for her to be in a facility so that you can concentrate your time & energy on your hubby and all the VA travel time.

Oh about "the oaks", I bet what they do is "self-select" for residents. So if you have been there and private paying for your stay, you are on the list for Medicaid beds. So they really never have to take residents outside of that group. Yeah, it sucks but totally legit to do this. Did you speak with the social worker at "the oaks", the social worker and not admissions? If not, give them a call to see what other facility they could suggest for her. Good luck, stay positive and get your rest.

Please take care of yourself. Ask her doctor or the care manager to help you get her placed or get visiting nurses, whatever you need. Just explain you are taking full time care of very sick husband and you can not care for her needs at this time. One of these health professionals should be able to help coordinate skilled care she needs even temporarily.

Also keep calling the NH and see if her dr can be of any help in expediting her admission.

Put everyone to bed, grab a tea or glass of wine and hop in the tub to give yourself the care a nurturing you need right now. Take some deep breaths and let these worries wait until tomorrow.

After I posted my question my husband was hospitalized with double pneumonia. We made it home after a week in the VA hospital. Once we made it home he manage to fall and hit his head and back on tub in our bathroom. My Mom is still with us I will share more later .

Well don't worry about your "run on sentences", most people see the punctuation even if not there. I truly hope that everything works out for you, your mother and your husband.

I don't know what state your mother lives, but in New York, a nursing home must accept a person who wishes to transfer from the rehab section to skilled care section. If the facility doesn't have a long term bed, the patient can remain in short term rehab until a bed becomes available.

I don't know if this is a state ordinance or is a federal mandate. You might want to get hold of the regulations for the specific nursing home.

stpatrick - PAUSE. I have to say, your comments are difficult to understand because there is no beginning and end where your thoughts are. Perhaps you need therapy since you say this matches your life?

Get in-home care for your Mom and get her on a waiting list. You'd be surprised - there is natural turn over in NH. Naturally.

Thanks for everyone that has tried to help. I do realize that I am running my sentences together it matches my life crazy.

It is really difficult to understand your question since every sentence runs together, but get her home health aide while she is awaiting the nursing home. Do you only have ONE nursing home where you live? Your husband's liver transplant issue is omnipotent since one cannot survive without a liver. Call a home health service and let them coordinate your mother's care. You have enough to worry about and let professionals handle your mother. Good luck! I also will have many prayers for your husband's transplant getting to him and being successful...

I will have to do some ting soon my husband is getting worse everyday when we came home from va decater today she was trying to eat napkin she was eating ice cream I guess they look to much a like. She has not stopped wiggling since I came home my husband went straight to bed. We have MRI and Echo Wen. in Decater ity never ends we have an aide 4 hrs aday but it takes us that long to get tere ans back.

Can she be placed in a less desirable NH for now, while still on the list for the "good" one? I know moving isn't the best, but you can't do everything, and you will both be safe for now.

Unfortunately, the best nursing homes generally have the longest waiting lists. Sometimes people are fortunate and can find a bed quickly, but often they have to wait. I hope you have your mom on several NH lists so that you can place her in a home soon. You have your hands full already.
Take care,
Carol