To help with your question, I got my mother assessed by home health and by a ALF in her home. I just told her that someone was going to visit with me and let them take over. They are trained in doing this.
I presume this assessment is to see what type of care, therapy, and equipment might be useful for her care. Did the doctor or a case worker order it? If not, what is the purpose? Someone she trusts should be there with her while the assessor is doing their job. This will facilitate the visit and the questions that Mother is unwilling to answer, or answers untruthfully, will be answered.
My husband was the same way about letting people into the house and he wouldn't get out of the car if he figured out we were going into a medical clinic. A call to his doctor got an agency nurse out to our house and things got rolling. He got physical therapy, occupational therapy, speech therapy(for swallowing problems) and some personal care aids coming to our house. He actually started liking people coming to do stuff with him. Of course, I was there with him for all of this. Just get someone there to open the door so things can happen.
I just went through this with my mother. She was the type who would say, "I'm fine. I don't like people in my house. I don't need help." Yet, she would expect family to drop what they were doing and come running if she didn't feel well.
First, I took her to the doctor. She did not want to go, but she was having issues with falling and waning cognition, and I just told her straight that she had 2 choices: (1) She could get in the car and voluntarily go to the doctor, or (2) I would call an ambulance and she could be evaluated in the ER.
She chose the doctor. The doctor saw her deficits and ordered home health. She had nursing, an aide, and home PT and was recertified. Then, she began refusing to allow them in her house, etc. The physical therapist actually called me privately because she was very concerned about my mother and wrote a "carefully worded" letter to Mom's doctor.
In essence, I found out that there was nothing I could do but wait for something bad to happen. I hate to say it, but it's the honest truth.
In my case, my mother suffered a major stroke affecting her entire left side and in the process fell onto her right side and injured her arm. She is now in a skilled nursing facility after going through rehabilitation. They've told us she will likely not ever come home. Part of the reason is because of her documented history of noncompliance and the fact that if she comes home and refuses help, she will likely fail quickly.
I know that the "standard" advice here is to contact APS. That can be a double-edged sword because rather than seeing that she is refusing help, they may confront the family and ask why you didn't "force" her to obtain services or be evaluated. I was floored when a social worker began asking me why I didn't make her go to the doctor or make her accept services. It's because, as her doctor says, "She's over 18 and has a right to deny whatever she wants."
You know your relationship with your mother. With mine she had become very child-like, so I had to approach her the same way I would a child. I gave her 2 choices, either of which required an evaluation, and she got to pick which worked for her.
First of all thanks to everyone who posted to answer my above question. Here is a little background info. My mother lives over 2,000 miles away. I had recieved a call 2 weeks ago from a friend saying that my Mom has left her home and will not return to it. My friend then let her stay with her for the night. My mother was very paranoid thinking that my Dad who died in 2006 was now living and after her. She thought everyone in the neighborhood had left because she didn't see any cars. In reality the cars were gone because people were at work. This she knows or should I say knew in the past. She then continued to be paranoid so much so my friend was really uneasy, not afraid, but did not know how to handle my mom who is strong willed. Her dad has dementia and she handles him very firmly and she tried this with my mom and it didn't work.
One day it was 4 degrees outside and my mom went outside and stood in front of the house and didn't come in until the police were called and asked her to come in. She had a coat and her gloves on so the policemen advised her stay inside and make sure she took her meds. He himself said he has a mom with dementia but thought my mom had it together enough not to be taken away by him. So we were stuck not knowing what to do about getting her help. She was so upset with my friend that she left her house and went back to her own home. Thank God her sister went to stay with her for a few days. My mother then said she was ready for us to come and bring her back with us 2000 miles. In the meantime my brother and I had bought tickets to come get her and drive her back across the country. Right before boarding the plane she said she wasn't coming and not for us come as well. We didn't know what to do. We knew we couldn't force her to come with us so we didn't go but still kept trying to think of a plan to get her some help. She was ok with her sister being there but she was still saying someone had been in the house and going through her mail taking her money. She was also still thinking my dad was alive.
During this time I called Crisis Care as well as APS who said we can't force her to have an assessment done. After about 4 days her sister then had to go to her own home and could no longer stay with my mom. After my aunt left my mother left again to stay with another friend of mine. By this time my mother was ready for us to come and get her in which my brother did on Christmas Day. She hadn't taken her blood sugar levels or other medication so that was the door we needed to be able to have her go to the doctor here. He started off by giving her a CT Scan, blood and urine test. She is also taking some meds for the paranoia. These meds seems to help but causes her to sleep too long. She is groggy and too sleepy to eat or keep up her fluid intake. I am going to ask if the dosage can be reduced. Depending on the test results, we will go from there to have her assessed. I forgot to say that for about a year she repeats the same stories as if she hasn't told them before. She has been less active as far as kind of isolating her self from friends. She still maintains her home, grocery shops, pays her own bills. Although her bills have been paid twice in a month here and there and she gives enormous amounts of money to charity and to people just for the heck of it.....money she doesn't have to give. During this last episode she went to her bank and needlessly borrowed money from it. This is something she wouldn't normally do. Nevertheless things are looking up. Thank you all for your advice, encouragement and listening ears.
Call the county Adult Protective Services and ask them to check the welfare of her. They will send someone out, especially if more than one person calls about her to ask for help.
Use Dyn-o-mite which stands for tender loving care! She has a problem and needs to be evaluated. Can you find a doctor who makes house calls? Unless she is a danger to herself or others and adult protective services cannot find anything wrong with her health/mind, she might be agoraphobic and need a psychologist to work her to come out of her house. Does she let you in? You didn't give us very much information about her and I need more to adequately comment.
My Dad doesn't like to go anywhere in recent months. He's almost 97 and has great difficulty with arthritis in his neck and knees. He doesn't want to be a burden to anyone (wheelchair needed for transport) and he is too frequently affected by pain in the back of his head/neck, so he usually rests with his head in a downward position if he's not in his recliner. When he is feeling OK he likes to play computer solitaire, watch TV, or read the news/business magazines.
As for visitors, he feels he has to "entertain" them or be a good listener. That is hard when he is in pain.
He has also experienced severe heartbreak this year (especially) since a large number of his children choose to disregard his wishes and his rights. Fortunately, I am his POA (durable and healthcare). Yes, it's a lot of responsibility and commitment, but it's better to have one trusted, reliable person that many who are mainly out to serve their own interests. It took great effort and challenges to overcome, but we're there.
Since I live with him, I adapt my schedule to his availability and needs, as I have for 3 1/2 years so far. I do manage to get out and volunteer or join friends on occasion, but my Rheumatoid limits my enthusiasm for company or visiting. Sometimes a person just needs to accommodate the body's needs and adjust accordingly, not to another's schedule or preferences.
A visiting healthcare professional (nurse practitioner, etc.) is helpful to save travel to doctor, etc. There are mobile radiology units, too.
An elder's vulnerabilities often cause them to be concerned about "strangers" or "people without boundaries" to be around since supervision is unlikely.
Questions: Age? Health? Mobility? General frame of mind?
She definitely is on the downslide of dementia... I'm so sorry. My atty and our judge said that as long as mthr knew who we were and what a Power of Attorney was with explanation, she could make one. One of you siblings needs to have the POA so you can make her decisions for her! Sadly, there comes a time when we need to be protected from ourselves. Get the POA, take the checkbook, forward mail to a post office box at POA's town, and get mom in a memory care or ALF. That will require an assesment. When she is so confused and acting stupid, you can call EMTs or take her to the ER and express a concern that she is about to hurt herself. If she gets admitted at any level, you can refuse to bring her home and the social worker at the hospital will work hard to get her into a home since they want her bed for higher paying clients! My own mthr was a hermit/hoarder for 40 years, and would not allow anyone in, ever. APS did call us, and we brought her home. Now that she is in the Memory Care home, she is happier than she ever was at home. She hated housework and cooking, and now someone does that for her. It really was like she was back in college with the girls! We sleep well knowing the house won't collapse on her, if she falls, she will be found, and that she is eating regularly again.
My husband was the same way about letting people into the house and he wouldn't get out of the car if he figured out we were going into a medical clinic.
A call to his doctor got an agency nurse out to our house and things got rolling. He got physical therapy, occupational therapy, speech therapy(for swallowing problems) and some personal care aids coming to our house. He actually started liking people coming to do stuff with him. Of course, I was there with him for all of this. Just get someone there to open the door so things can happen.
First, I took her to the doctor. She did not want to go, but she was having issues with falling and waning cognition, and I just told her straight that she had 2 choices: (1) She could get in the car and voluntarily go to the doctor, or (2) I would call an ambulance and she could be evaluated in the ER.
She chose the doctor. The doctor saw her deficits and ordered home health. She had nursing, an aide, and home PT and was recertified. Then, she began refusing to allow them in her house, etc. The physical therapist actually called me privately because she was very concerned about my mother and wrote a "carefully worded" letter to Mom's doctor.
In essence, I found out that there was nothing I could do but wait for something bad to happen. I hate to say it, but it's the honest truth.
In my case, my mother suffered a major stroke affecting her entire left side and in the process fell onto her right side and injured her arm. She is now in a skilled nursing facility after going through rehabilitation. They've told us she will likely not ever come home. Part of the reason is because of her documented history of noncompliance and the fact that if she comes home and refuses help, she will likely fail quickly.
I know that the "standard" advice here is to contact APS. That can be a double-edged sword because rather than seeing that she is refusing help, they may confront the family and ask why you didn't "force" her to obtain services or be evaluated. I was floored when a social worker began asking me why I didn't make her go to the doctor or make her accept services. It's because, as her doctor says, "She's over 18 and has a right to deny whatever she wants."
You know your relationship with your mother. With mine she had become very child-like, so I had to approach her the same way I would a child. I gave her 2 choices, either of which required an evaluation, and she got to pick which worked for her.
One day it was 4 degrees outside and my mom went outside and stood in front of the house and didn't come in until the police were called and asked her to come in. She had a coat and her gloves on so the policemen advised her stay inside and make sure she took her meds. He himself said he has a mom with dementia but thought my mom had it together enough not to be taken away by him. So we were stuck not knowing what to do about getting her help. She was so upset with my friend that she left her house and went back to her own home. Thank God her sister went to stay with her for a few days. My mother then said she was ready for us to come and bring her back with us 2000 miles. In the meantime my brother and I had bought tickets to come get her and drive her back across the country. Right before boarding the plane she said she wasn't coming and not for us come as well. We didn't know what to do. We knew we couldn't force her to come with us so we didn't go but still kept trying to think of a plan to get her some help. She was ok with her sister being there but she was still saying someone had been in the house and going through her mail taking her money. She was also still thinking my dad was alive.
During this time I called Crisis Care as well as APS who said we can't force her to have an assessment done. After about 4 days her sister then had to go to her own home and could no longer stay with my mom. After my aunt left my mother left again to stay with another friend of mine. By this time my mother was ready for us to come and get her in which my brother did on Christmas Day. She hadn't taken her blood sugar levels or other medication so that was the door we needed to be able to have her go to the doctor here. He started off by giving her a CT Scan, blood and urine test. She is also taking some meds for the paranoia. These meds seems to help but causes her to sleep too long. She is groggy and too sleepy to eat or keep up her fluid intake. I am going to ask if the dosage can be reduced. Depending on the test results, we will go from there to have her assessed. I forgot to say that for about a year she repeats the same stories as if she hasn't told them before. She has been less active as far as kind of isolating her self from friends. She still maintains her home, grocery shops, pays her own bills. Although her bills have been paid twice in a month here and there and she gives enormous amounts of money to charity and to people just for the heck of it.....money she doesn't have to give. During this last episode she went to her bank and needlessly borrowed money from it. This is something she wouldn't normally do. Nevertheless things are looking up. Thank you all for your advice, encouragement and listening ears.
As for visitors, he feels he has to "entertain" them or be a good listener. That is hard when he is in pain.
He has also experienced severe heartbreak this year (especially) since a large number of his children choose to disregard his wishes and his rights. Fortunately, I am his POA (durable and healthcare). Yes, it's a lot of responsibility and commitment, but it's better to have one trusted, reliable person that many who are mainly out to serve their own interests. It took great effort and challenges to overcome, but we're there.
Since I live with him, I adapt my schedule to his availability and needs, as I have for 3 1/2 years so far. I do manage to get out and volunteer or join friends on occasion, but my Rheumatoid limits my enthusiasm for company or visiting. Sometimes a person just needs to accommodate the body's needs and adjust accordingly, not to another's schedule or preferences.
A visiting healthcare professional (nurse practitioner, etc.) is helpful to save travel to doctor, etc. There are mobile radiology units, too.
An elder's vulnerabilities often cause them to be concerned about "strangers" or "people without boundaries" to be around since supervision is unlikely.
Questions: Age? Health? Mobility? General frame of mind?
Lifllerner, does your mother have dementia? How strong willed is she?
Sadly, there comes a time when we need to be protected from ourselves. Get the POA, take the checkbook, forward mail to a post office box at POA's town, and get mom in a memory care or ALF. That will require an assesment.
When she is so confused and acting stupid, you can call EMTs or take her to the ER and express a concern that she is about to hurt herself. If she gets admitted at any level, you can refuse to bring her home and the social worker at the hospital will work hard to get her into a home since they want her bed for higher paying clients!
My own mthr was a hermit/hoarder for 40 years, and would not allow anyone in, ever. APS did call us, and we brought her home. Now that she is in the Memory Care home, she is happier than she ever was at home. She hated housework and cooking, and now someone does that for her. It really was like she was back in college with the girls! We sleep well knowing the house won't collapse on her, if she falls, she will be found, and that she is eating regularly again.
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