My husband and I, our children and grandchildren are the only famiily living in the same area as my mother-in-law. M father-in-law had been dead for fifteen years. The situation has been like this for over forty years. I have helped my in-laws out financially, physically, and emotionally for all this time. My husband and I are nor responsible for going with her to the doctor, running errands, making repairs, getting prescriptions filled, etc. I fill like my husband's youngest sister never has liked me and that my mother-in-law hasn't in the last 25 or so years. Now that a time has come that really does not need to stay by herself anymore, my husband's brother and sisters leave us out of any discussions or plans. If she comes to live with us I feel like we will never get a break and will be having to constantly report to his siblings about every little thing. I feel that if they take her to live with them that they will totally detach and inform the extended family and friends that we are no good and if it wasn't for me she could remain in this area as she would like to do. This would really be hard for my husband, my children and me to accept. The siblings might call us to come get my mother-in-law if they have plans, need a break, etc. Really I don't see her staying away from this area long. Everything about her future care is a secret to us yet she still lives in this area and we still take care of her necessities. I want to do the right thing. I helped take care of my family with no help from my husband. His family would insinuate that too much was expected from me by my sisters. Now that the shoe is on the other foot, they seem to think that we be on call for mother-in-law 24/7. My husband and i are in our early 70's and I feel that 24/7 care for his mother is too much for us physically, financially and emotionally. Any responses will be appreciated.

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Medsister, I have always believed that senior citizens past a certain age should not be taking care of much older senior citizens. We have our own age decline going on plus medical issues we have to deal with.

I was in my mid-to-late 60's when I was trying to help my parents who were in their mid-to-late 90's. At least we lived in separate homes, and I was on-call to drive them here and there, get their groceries, take them shopping, hair-cuts, yada, yada, yada.

Just grocery shopping was exhausting for me... I would be in aisle 26 and my parents would only be in aisle 5. Then loading and unloading their groceries, and go home and unload mine. I needed a nap !!

Right here on this forum when I first came on, one of the writers said I was too old to be a caregiver, and lo and behold, she was right. I had to set boundaries but it was tough as at that time I was in my fifth year of driving Miss Daisy and her husband [my Dad], and the guilt cloud came down onto me.
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Nobody over 60 should be asked to take care of a parent. Mother-in-law and Daughter-in-law relationships are best kept distant. By that I mean she should never live with you AND you leave the care decisions to her children. It means when they start talking about mom, you get up, leave the room, stay out. Personally, if I stayed in the room I could not shut my mouth. It's a whole lot safer to stay out of it. The line in the sand is if they all decide she lives with you. Then you are perfectly within your rights to say NO.
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