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It is my husbands family, not even mine. I cannot take anymore. I need time for my own Dr. Appointments , I have to take care of my father in law and his eldest child, 63yrs.. My husbands older sister. I took time to have eye surgery in Nov.. My husbands sister told me that I could not do that anymore. That no one can help me like this. I am one person and have been here over six months. I want to just walk out the door and not look back!

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Tired--
I really hope you are ready to walk away on the 31st. It is REALLY hard to set limits and follow through.
Not to make this a "religious" post, as we are not supposed to, I once had a therapist tell me that Jesus said "turn the other cheek.." but He also meant "don't stand there and get beaten to death".
Walk away in the 31st and don't look back. reclaim your life.
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I am absolutely certain, hand on heart, that GA was not suggesting you give up prayer.

What she was saying is that prayer alone will not save you from further abuse.

Any higher being whose guidance said endure being a punchbag would not be a higher being I would subscribe to and despite the 'turn the other cheek' speech by Jesus in Matthew 5 I do have to tell you that that did not mean be a doormat - it was in fact a very clever way of inviting someone to act in a way that would demonstrate to their peers that rather than being of a higher class than another, that we are all equal (before god would be the assumption there). (see told you lot I used to be a Sunday School teacher before I lost my faith)

PS to all those on here of other faiths or of no faith I used the terms from the Bible because Tired indicated she was a Christian and for no other reason xxx
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Yes my husband has had two weeks vacation, we spent one here. My husband helped some, so how hard it was. He does help every other weekend when he is home. We spent the weekend of thanksgiving up north with our daughter. But I had surgery that week and a appointment also. I did not come back till we were done shopping on Friday. Sister in law was upset that we were gone. We talked tonight, I went to a dentist appointment, my husband had one two. We did find out that the other sister Inlaw and brother of my husband have been going to many hospitals. He has a cancer scare, So why not tell the family instead of not answering cell calls to his wife. We told him he needs to be up front. My husband told him he has run out of time with his wife and himself being here. We have not slept in our house in over six months. I talked to my husbands other sib, and told her that I am done and they need to find a home to put him in. She said it should all be in place by Dec. 31. I also told her that I know dad does not like respiss care at the hospital. But I need time for myself. That I was not going to ask there permission anymore. It was my father in law who hit me. I did call the cops and they did talk to him. I did not press charges. I thought it would scare him. Witch it it at first. And to not be leave in PRAYER, well that would never happen. Prayer has got me a life with Christ that I would never give it up!
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You need to go to the police, and you need to find a way to get out of that situation. Being tolerant and praying isn't going to save your life if he punches you too hard again.

With no disrespect to your religion, it isn't going to stop someone from punching you or controlling your life. Police do that, and you do that by getting out of the situation.
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I would call Adult protective services and tell them you cannot deal with being punched by someone you are caring for, and that he needs to go into assisted living.
I also don't get as much help as I need, and I plan to call for respite care when I want to go on a mini vacation. This is my New Years Resolution, and I urge you to contact social services and get some back up support to help you deal with the others in your family. I know that they have mediation services available, and you need all the support that you can get.
I understand that your husband has a job with long hours, but he needs to be manning up and supporting you.
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Tired, your last sentence is very telling and you should heed your own advice. You said "I just want to walk out the door and not look back". Do it. This sounds like your FIL and SIL are taking advantage of you. She does not have the right to tell you to not have an eye surgery if you need one. Just tell her to shut up and mind her own business. Same for the FIL. Go stay with a member of your own family until your husband comes to his senses. You are not the slave nor are you unpaid help. Tell husband to hire someone for his father and sister and it's not going to be you. You're done. I don't know which one hit you but it sounds like the brother of your husband. What did your husband do about it? Did you call the police and file an assault charge against him? Again, no one has the right to put their hands on you and you shouldn't let him get away with it or it'll be easier for him to do it again the next time.
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I agree--husband needs to get off the road for a week and deal with this. My FIL became my responsibility the last 4 months of his life. His daughter (my SIL is wonderful and she had done a ton!) was planning a wedding for her only daughter and I really wanted her to have the "joy" of that and not worry about dad.
FIL was in and out of the hospital for the 4 months. He required daily care, so I drove 10 miles to his house 3 times a day to make sure he was fed, bathed and to clean up after him. I'd drop him off at his favorite coffee shop in the am, come back to his place to try to clean, pick him up and he'd sit in his recliner all day, dozing and reading, then Id be there again at noonish, then at night to make sure he'd have food and was OK. Also had 2 enormous wounds from a fall that required debriding and re-dressing twice a day.
I did this daily for 4 months and I was beyond exhausted. I think if he hadn't passed when he did, we would have had no choice but to put him in a NH. Hubby did absolutely nothing--he'd gag when I changed the dressings, he wouldn't clean around the toilets, just sat there with this horrified look on his face--some people really aren't cut out for caregiving--no offense to those who can't..but realistically? Dad should have been in a NH the entire year before he died. It was brutal on my SIL and me. You need to self preserve, there were a few nights when I would call my hubby and tell him I couldn't take it and HE had to get his dad dinner and get him ready for bed. Wow, did I hear about how hard that was. Until you walk in a caregiver's shoes, you don't realize how hard it can be.
The FAMILY should be looking NOW at facilities. If they don't, give them your "quit date" and walk away. (If you can, I don't know how bad your FIL is)..but if he is hitting you--holy cow--you need to lay down the law to this family and take care of you.
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Sounds as if you could leave in protest and go be with someone in your own family with the ultimatum that husband and family need to figure this out and solve it. Sometimes the instinct to walk out is actually pretty correct overall.
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Take care of YOU.
And like someone stated .. NOT YOUR PROBLEM. be direct.
Time for him to be put somewhere where THEY can take care of him.
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Tired, if you don't walk out of this situation, you will be more than tired. You'll be sick, injured or worse. The time for this man to be placed is NOW.
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You don't need you time at all Tired you need them out of your realm of caring. They are not YOUR family. You have done your bit with YOUR blood relatives. Time for THEIR blood relatives to step up to the plate. Put up or shut up is what they need to be told. There is no question that you can continue to care for someone who is violent. And your sister in law? whats that about. Your very first sentence contained these words

I have to take care of

There is no I in team me dear and no 'u' in this particular team. This is NOT your job, not your role, you have already been abused by the person you have so generously cared for. It has to stop. let me give you a scenario

OK so he punched you and you were probably shaken but OK. What if you had been off balance when he punched you? What if YOU had fallen and hit your head on the corner of a table and suffered brain damage? What if you had fallen and broken your arm or even just sprained a wrist? Who is going to do the care then? You can bet your life they would take some action then. I would tell them you are going away for a few days respite. Tell your husband you are going. His family his time to act - IT IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM IT IS HIS PROBLEM and if he won't sort it one way then I am afraid you have to be more direct. GA and I are right behind you hun xxxxxx
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It is not low self esteem, I feel since my own family went through this five and a half years ago with my mom, well that is when she passed. But I was there the most, but took two weeks at a time off while a sister took some of there vacation time so that I could have time with my husband. Even my cousin can durning that three years. I took my husband family how important it was to work together. But one brothers wife has been verbally abused buy my father in law and is afraid of him. They were told by me, when he punched me that THEY needed to find a place fro him. The was in Aug. and his daughter was striping and walking through the house like that. I finally got her in a mental hospital.. But for only Two and a half weeks. I know that I am a strong willed person and I can handle it with prayer, but like everyone else I need ME time!
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Tired, I didn't mean to sound harsh, but I'm literally outraged at the treatment to which you've been subjected. Don't let them manipulate you any longer.
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WHY do you "have to" take care of your FIL and a 63 year old woman who told you you can't take time out to have surgery? Slavery was abolished over 200 years ago.

If you have low self esteem and it's a factor in allowing these people to manipulate you, try to find a support group for emotionally battered women; you'll need to respect yourself enough to stand up to these people and stop the domination.
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My husband is a truck driver, I use to ride with him. But that stopped over six months ago. I told him tonight that HE had to tell his family that the last day is Dec. 31st.. I was told he would be in a home be then. But I doubt that is happening. Between my sister in law and my father in la, I get little rest. I am tired of trying to talk,
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Do they live with you? I agree, tell them your health has to come first or you can't take of them,, and if that happens they will have to go to AL, or anywhere else. Where is hubs in all this? Any other siblings on his side you can TELL to help?
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Not really sure who you are taking care of here but you can't take care of anyone if you are not well yourself.

Please come back to clarify, but if someone is telling you to neglect yourself, laugh gently and say " I couldn't possibly do that"...
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