What do we need to do to get father into a nursing facility?

This question has medical and legal implications. From a medical standpoint it need to be determined the level of care that is needed. If he has a skilled need it is helpful for him to be hospitalized with an illness and they will be responsible to help you find placement and work out payments. From the hospital a discharge planner will work you through the process. If he has not been hospitalized and does not require skilled care, assisted living or personal care is likely the level of care he will need. I recommend calling your local area in aging. They are part of the country. Someone will probably come to assess him for public programs. If he is not eligible for public programs you could contact an elder law attorney in your area and get directions on preparing for spend down. They will assist your mom in maintaining her home and finances and help you get the financial areas worked out. Talking with his doctor will also help.

I had the same situation where my father was hospitalized and my mother could definitely not care for him. He could not walk, was incontinent, and had dementia. The hospital wanted to discharge him and send him home, but we knew he needed AL. As advised by a friend, we told the hospital we would absolutely not be picking him up and bringing him home. Because we refused to take him, the hospital (and doctor) then determined he needed care and assisted with placement. He had long term care insurance, but to unlock the benefits we needed to prove need. Hospitals do not always consider home life, or that an 85 year old cannot provide or afford 24/7 caregiving. Dad did not really want to go to AL, but it helped Mom, and it was her decision.
The other answers contain great advice in performing the actual placement process.

Depending on the situation, you may want to first check into having in-home healthcare aides come in to help. I'm not sure in your situation whether or not a nursing home is really right when more people are wanting to stay in their homes longer and even die at home with dignity. In the home healthcare is a far better alternative for some situations but not all so choose wisely

In addition to the wise answers above, you should check with his doctor; that is who has to certify that your father is in need of skilled nursing care.

Your mother is entitled to a "community spouse allowance" to pay her bills. The rest goes to the Nursing Home. Visit a nursing home and ask them to explain how the financial ends meet.

They need to see a Elder Law attorney to make sure they have all of their legal papers in place. They are also experts in Medicare and Medicaid.
Don

I also recommend you see an elder attorney. And, if your father served in a war, such as WW II, he may also be eligible for a VA benefit or monthly assistance payment for In-Home Care.

I would check into an adult family home for dad. What state does he live in? We have my mom living in one since last fall. They are reasonable in price usually around 3000.00 so moms money will last her longer. If u would like help finding out more about this type of home pm me and I will be happy to share what I know. They are a wonderful alternative for people who have some resources but dont want to see 8000 + a month sucked out of their savings. At 87 your mom needs a break. I wish you all the best.

There are 2 types of acceptance to a nursing home: medical and financially. You need to have both in place. The first thing you should do is find a home you like and feel comfortable with. They are not all the same. Call 5-6 in your area and ask for a tour. Afterward, you will sit down with the admissions person and ask them about their requirements and application process. These can vary from home to home. For example, some homes don't take anyone under 65. Others are not set up with a locked unit for dementia patients who walk, another might only accept patients who need a lot of physical care. The admissions person will discuss that with you. While you're there, pay attention to the feel of the place. How are people being treated? Does the staff seem caring and engaged or distant and bored? How does it smell? How many activities are offered a day? Etc.

The other acceptance is financial. Medicare will cover something like 200 days of "rehab" if he qualifies. Otherwise, it's Medicaid, private pay, or long term care insurance if he's going to be there long term. Again, ask the admissions person what firms of payment they accept. You should also, as soon as possible, make an appointment to consult with an Elder Care attorney to see if Medicaid would be a possibility. Good luck.

My understanding is that your mother will get a small amount of money, but will lose her home. I could be wrong, but better check it out. Medicaid is ruthless.