How do you get someone to use her depends or even a pad?

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my mother refuses to use these and its becoming a big issue. ruining furniture, car seats,clothes, mattresses.. I have put pads on her underwear and she takes them off. saying she doesn't need them.

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Top Answer
Go through her drawers and take out all her panties and replace them with the disposable underwear. Make sure you get the kind designed for active people that is designed to fit snugly under clothes, not the baggy bulky kind, even if they are cheaper. And buy washable furniture pads for the places she sits most often.
Does she have an allergy to them or some reason that she finds them uncomfortable? Does she exhibit any other signs that she may have mental decline? Most people who don't have mental decline would not ruin furniture, clothes, etc. due to incontinence. I would discuss it with her doctor and see what might be causing this. Perhaps a consult with a psychiatrist might be helpful.
My only suggestion is to purchase washable incontinence underwear and remove everything else. She might think twice about going commando!
The way my Mom solved that problem with my Dad, who didn't want to wear Depends/Guards, was after a few accidents she would hand my Dad the cleaner, rags, and paper towels for him to clean up the accidents. Before you knew it, on Mom's grocery list was Depends/Guards :)

Another idea, buy some for yourself and then tell Mom that you wear them, and show her the top edge of your Depend type garment. Some elders think these items are only for old people.... glad to see TV ads showing younger people wearing them.
I have found that Mom would put up a huge fuss for a week or so about a change and then she had forgotten all about how it used to be and adjusted well. So, when she's not in the bedroom, remove all her traditional panties and replace them with nice "disposable underwear". Refuse to call them diapers. Ride out the storm for a week or so. Keep plenty of "fresh undies" in the toilet area and a bucket with a lid to dispose of the old ones. Skip any complicated, tidy disposal units (personal experience speaking here).
pdhamann, I remember some time ago on the forum when it came to riding in the car, the parent was no longer allowed in the car unless they were wearing a Depend type garment. That may or may not work for your Mom.

Now I am wondering about your Mom using pad liners, she says she does not need them. Could be she is associating the pads with Kotex pads, thus she would be right, at her age she wouldn't need them. When you think about it, we spend 40 some years wearing such pads, then we finally break free, then before you know it, we are back to wearing pads :P

My Dad is living in Independent Living and housekeeping comes once a week to clean the bathroom, change the linens/towels, vacuum, and wash the kitchen floor which is part of the monthly rent. My Dad recently went to the option of having his pills managed for him, thus twice a day an Aide will bring him his pills, get him some water, and wait for him to take those pills. Yes, we pay extra for the pill management but it is well worth it.
First I would not call them diapers. Just call them panties or underwear. If she is in decline she won't realize the difference. Can she change them herself. One thing to watch for is if she changes them herself, make sure she doesn't put them in the toliet or even leave them lying around. I have to help my mom change her but once she took them off on her own (yes they were dirty) and laid them on the kitchen counter. Needed lots of disinfect to get that image out of my head. I can laugh about it now but it wasn't funny at the time.
Oh my. I don't know all the details involving the EXTRA help the IL staff will provide for her, but I think I might look into the AL. They would encounter her resistance to the underwear a couple of times and then call her doctor and report that she is incontinent and resisting measures for toileting. I don't know what happens then, but at least the doctor will have direct proof from her care providers that this is a huge problem.

If she physically resists the AL staff in wearing the adult underwear, I'm not sure what they would do. I hope you can get some answers here from someone who has dealt with this. Keep checking back here for responses.

I suspect that they would put her in clothes that would prevent her from being able to take them off. I will try to ask the Memory Care facility where my cousin stays how they handle such things.

I would try to resolve this now, as if she continues this way and is bowel incontinent too, then you will really have a mess. This type of mess is common with dementia patients. I have known several myself who would deposit feces all throughout the house for some unknown reason. Their brain just doesn't let them know what they are really doing. They had to go to long term care.
fregflyer, my mom has the pads for incontinence. she knows what they are and does use them when she decides to. she got snippy with me again today because I told her if she wanted to go to the store, she would have to wear the pad. slammed the door, grumbled at me and finally put it on. so she knows when she wants to.
the dr says its age related memory issues. I think its more than that. she puts on a good front for people. we've talked to a psycharist, no help. fooled them pretty good. no allergies, a pad like tenna should not be an issue. but she removes them if I place them in her clean undies. and refuses to wear a "diaper". in an independent living center. so might have to resort to them making her.

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