my mother refuses to use these and its becoming a big issue. ruining furniture, car seats,clothes, mattresses.. I have put pads on her underwear and she takes them off. saying she doesn't need them.
EllerySir you have found a solution that works for you and your wife you don't need to defend it. Everyone has to look at their own problems and the solutions available and use what works for them. You have done that and obviously have your wife's happiness as the number one priority. She is a lucky woman to have such a loving and thoughtful husband.
I can imagine what it is like to pee in a diaper and they are for our convenience not her comfort.
My wife is ambulatory but her brain does not tell her when she needs to toilet. She knew what was happening a long time ago and said goodbye to all her friends and activities. She voluntarily stopped driving.in 2010. When the incontinence became very difficult, we first introduced disposable bedpads. Even with her low function, she recognized what it was, pointed at it and cried. Like everything else, she accepted it, but you could tell it furthered her sadness. The disposable briefs were worse for her dignity. I wish we had never attempted them. Also some brands are made with polyester and she has reaction to it. Also it contains the bacteria inviting UTI.
We now have good washable bedpads for her to sit on. She goes commando during the day, wears skirts, and we take her to toilet every 2-3 hours. We are learning her facial expressions, like you would with a toddler. If she starts to pee on the floor, we try to catch it with a folded towel. No carpet in our house. At night we place a washable bedpad under her sheet. 100% cotton sheets. No blends. Polyester is a skin irritant and holds bacteria and odors even after wash. It is a little more work than disposable anything, but better for her health and dignity. You pee in a diaper, someone has to remove it and process it. Then clean you. Pee on a disposable pad, someone has to handle it and dispose of it.
It will smell wherever it is. The bacteria remains and can be released by accident. At some point a human might have to handle it.
Washable pads send body fluids to a system designed to process it. Feces rolls off a washable pad but sticks to a disposable. Into the toilet system designed to process it.
Bed to shower, remove the pad and sheet. Throw them in the washer. Sheet over the bedpad is my preference to hide from her and the bedpad surface, although cotton, is rougher than a sheet.
What we saved on 'paper products' and the disposal, allowed us to purchase heavy duty washer and dryer.
The only thing I can think of is provide Mom with washable incontinence underwear. You can dye them pretty colors and add lace etc if you think that will fool Dad. Remove all the regular underwear and unless Dad wants Mom to go "commando" there will be no choice
I have the opposite issue. My mom is willing to wear them, but my dad doesn't want her to, but complains when she has an accident. Any suggestions with that?
FloMae, also, you might lock the bathroom door so that he can enter only with you being with him and can insist that he sit down. Teaching him to sit down on his own, might be difficult.
Wow just found this site. After 1+yrs of trying to convince my dad that it was not water all over his pants, stains on the couch, and all around the toilet I told him I'm NOT taking him out of the house unless he wears a brief. I had pull-ups. The generic brand from Walgreens. Or grocery. He reluctantly agreed so he could get to his "business" meetings with the guys. I look back and now realize it was all a pride issue. He got used to them real fast as I threw out all of his underpants and put the pull-ups In Their place. He too only wanted to call them diapers. So be it. Now 2 yrs later he is more incontinent and his memory is worse. I often think he doesn't remember he messed the floor trying to use the toilet but the root problem is pride and stubbornness. He tries to cover it up ... ugh ..just makes it worse. He lives with me and I have to watch him 24/7 as he is too proud to ask for help. So like the other commenter it'd him if he doesn't let me know he needs assistance here is the Clorox cleaner and paper towels. He can clean up the whole mess. Which of course he can't. But it has helped. I know I have more control since he lives with me, as if he were in a facility the staff would need to make the rules or they need a higher level of care. All you can do is insist they do the right thing when they are with you.
Remove all of her underwear, throw it out, and replace them with "designer Depends." Refer to them as her "briefs." Let her rant and rave. It is a health issue for all concerned.
Allegro has protective washable underwear for men and women. They are about $26 a pair but they last through 100s of washings. In 2 years I have only had to replace 2.
As one gets older they become nose blind to their own odors. I would go into Dad's apartment and I can tell as soon as I walk into the room that he had changed his Depends and it is sitting in the wastebasket in the bathroom.
For the life of me I cannot figure out why he doesn't tie up the bag and go out into the hall, walk maybe 10 steps to the trash-shoot. He walks right past the front door to get back to the living room. Guess he's waiting for the caregiver or me to throw it out.... [sigh].
Thus, out comes the can of scented spray. I noticed a few weeks ago the morning caregiver had placed scented dryer sheets everywhere she can, even in the dresser drawers.
FloMae, I agree with sandwichgirl above... time for him to sit down. He might feel offended but many guys of all ages prefer to sit, especially very tall athletics who have back issues, much more comfortable. Now if he is extremely heavy, you might need to try the toilet seats that have a cut out in the front to give him more room.
Pdhamann, does your mother still have any sense of smell? It may help to remind her of how unpleasant she has always found the smell of people with continence issues. Then say she wouldn't want any risk of being like that, would she? I would also put towels or similar on car seats and furniture. Sounds like your mother has cognitive issues, so I don't think pads would work well. You'd be best to go straight to disposable pullups (there are washable ones, but can you imagine how hard they would be to get clean?). My mother has relatively mild cognitive issues, and probably a loss of smell, and sometimes we find her clothes or the floor streaked with faecal matter which she is oblivious to. Only a matter of time before we broach the disposable pullup conversation, and I know how badly it will go! Good luck
FloMae, its hard but he needs to sit down. My father had Vascular Dementia after his stroke, and apart from anything else sitting down made him much less likely to fall. And much more likely to stay on target.
When my husband, who was diagnosed with Aphasia and Vascular Dementia, started peeing in his pants, I bought some Depends and told him they were his new Jockey shorts! Took all other "shorts" away. Don't know how much he understood but worked like a charm with no resistance. His problem now is that when he does make it to the bathroom, half the time he "misses the target". Any suggestions on how to help? I've covered the floors with potty pads to at least keep the floors dry.
Nolagal, you crack me up :) I've found some of her pads lying around her room.. but that image you described will make an impression;;lol.. I call the underwear for her.. she calls them diapers. guess because she had to take care of my grandma for so long and that;s what she called them then. grandma did not have memory issues like mom does.. I think the part that makes it hard is that it is my mom.. she was always so confident and fashionable. dressed well took good care of herself. and now she wont comb her hair,wears the same old clothes that are too small for her. she's put on quite a bit of weight.... but I know I gotta do what I gotta do...
we went through this with my mom. we went online and got free samples on the different brands of disposable underwear. We kept trying different ones until we found one that she tolerated. depends silhouette. it took about 4-5 months to find a brand that fit and for my mom to get used to wearing them exclusively. during that transition time, we put disposable underpads on the furniture and on car seats. We let my mom use her regular underwear and waited until a time when she soiled them. when we were cleaning up, instead of regular underwear, we had her try on the disposable brand. we mentioned it might be more comfortable. as she got used to them over the course of a few months we just started using the disposable. it was a struggle and my mom resisted. the only drawback is we have to accompany her to the bathroom to help change the disposable underwear. she resisted the help at first but now she doesn't seem to mind.
First I would not call them diapers. Just call them panties or underwear. If she is in decline she won't realize the difference. Can she change them herself. One thing to watch for is if she changes them herself, make sure she doesn't put them in the toliet or even leave them lying around. I have to help my mom change her but once she took them off on her own (yes they were dirty) and laid them on the kitchen counter. Needed lots of disinfect to get that image out of my head. I can laugh about it now but it wasn't funny at the time.
Celeste.. are you saying anti-depressant? she takes a pill for that now.. when I can get her to take her pills. thinking I have to start replacing her undies I guess. she just gets so ornery:(.. what kind of pull ups do you use?
She may need a low dose anti-Dep. That may just lift her mood enough that she may cooperate more w/everything. Then reward her w/outing to dinner or shopping or a visit etc. We removed underwear from the dresser and started to replace w/pullups and have never looked back.
fregflyer, my mom has the pads for incontinence. she knows what they are and does use them when she decides to. she got snippy with me again today because I told her if she wanted to go to the store, she would have to wear the pad. slammed the door, grumbled at me and finally put it on. so she knows when she wants to.
pdhamann, I remember some time ago on the forum when it came to riding in the car, the parent was no longer allowed in the car unless they were wearing a Depend type garment. That may or may not work for your Mom.
Now I am wondering about your Mom using pad liners, she says she does not need them. Could be she is associating the pads with Kotex pads, thus she would be right, at her age she wouldn't need them. When you think about it, we spend 40 some years wearing such pads, then we finally break free, then before you know it, we are back to wearing pads :P
My Dad is living in Independent Living and housekeeping comes once a week to clean the bathroom, change the linens/towels, vacuum, and wash the kitchen floor which is part of the monthly rent. My Dad recently went to the option of having his pills managed for him, thus twice a day an Aide will bring him his pills, get him some water, and wait for him to take those pills. Yes, we pay extra for the pill management but it is well worth it.
pdhamann, I think I might have your mom assessed to see if what her current needs are. I know that you are paying extra for a lot of extra help. But, you say that she's not doing her dishes, not cleaning the apt., not wearing the adult underwear, and you're not sure that she's taking her meds, though, she's reminded. (Plus feces stains that she claims is chocolate.) It sounds like there are a lot of things that she is not capable of doing anymore. Maybe a new assessment might provide more guidance. I wish you both the best. Please let us know how things go.
I've told mom that I wear the pads. but ive not shown her. she seems to not care. and I cant even get her to do her own dishes, let alone clean anything else. she says she spilled hot chocolate.. its not hot chocolate :(
The way my Mom solved that problem with my Dad, who didn't want to wear Depends/Guards, was after a few accidents she would hand my Dad the cleaner, rags, and paper towels for him to clean up the accidents. Before you knew it, on Mom's grocery list was Depends/Guards :)
Another idea, buy some for yourself and then tell Mom that you wear them, and show her the top edge of your Depend type garment. Some elders think these items are only for old people.... glad to see TV ads showing younger people wearing them.
Veronica.. I haven't heard of incontinence underwear.. can you explain a little more? where would I find them? I.m now paying the staff to do her laundry daily instead of weekly. I couldn't physically do it anymore. bedding, clothes, towels... just too much every day. she is a self pay. so kinda watching the pennies if I can. at the il where she is, they will provide some assistance, again for a price. the people are really good with her. but the company will not allow them to do more than what is being paid for. I understand I guess. $375 a month just to knock on the door and remind her to take her pills. that dosent mean she will. so no help with that. not sure what their incontinence care involves. but was informed that it would be 1075 a month.
I have found that Mom would put up a huge fuss for a week or so about a change and then she had forgotten all about how it used to be and adjusted well. So, when she's not in the bedroom, remove all her traditional panties and replace them with nice "disposable underwear". Refuse to call them diapers. Ride out the storm for a week or so. Keep plenty of "fresh undies" in the toilet area and a bucket with a lid to dispose of the old ones. Skip any complicated, tidy disposal units (personal experience speaking here).
Everyone has to look at their own problems and the solutions available and use what works for them.
You have done that and obviously have your wife's happiness as the number one priority. She is a lucky woman to have such a loving and thoughtful husband.
My wife is ambulatory but her brain does not tell her when she needs to toilet.
She knew what was happening a long time ago and said goodbye to all her friends and activities. She voluntarily stopped driving.in 2010.
When the incontinence became very difficult, we first introduced disposable bedpads.
Even with her low function, she recognized what it was, pointed at it and cried. Like everything else, she accepted it, but you could tell it furthered her sadness. The disposable briefs were worse for her dignity. I wish we had never attempted them. Also some brands are made with polyester and she has reaction to it. Also it contains the bacteria inviting UTI.
We now have good washable bedpads for her to sit on. She goes commando during the day, wears skirts, and we take her to toilet every 2-3 hours.
We are learning her facial expressions, like you would with a toddler.
If she starts to pee on the floor, we try to catch it with a folded towel.
No carpet in our house.
At night we place a washable bedpad under her sheet. 100% cotton sheets. No blends. Polyester is a skin irritant and holds bacteria and odors even after wash. It is a little more work than disposable anything, but better for her health and dignity.
You pee in a diaper, someone has to remove it and process it. Then clean you.
Pee on a disposable pad, someone has to handle it and dispose of it.
It will smell wherever it is. The bacteria remains and can be released by accident.
At some point a human might have to handle it.
Washable pads send body fluids to a system designed to process it.
Feces rolls off a washable pad but sticks to a disposable.
Into the toilet system designed to process it.
Bed to shower, remove the pad and sheet. Throw them in the washer.
Sheet over the bedpad is my preference to hide from her and the bedpad surface, although cotton, is rougher than a sheet.
What we saved on 'paper products' and the disposal, allowed us to purchase heavy duty washer and dryer.
Now 2 yrs later he is more incontinent and his memory is worse. I often think he doesn't remember he messed the floor trying to use the toilet but the root problem is pride and stubbornness. He tries to cover it up ... ugh ..just makes it worse. He lives with me and I have to watch him 24/7 as he is too proud to ask for help. So like the other commenter it'd him if he doesn't let me know he needs assistance here is the Clorox cleaner and paper towels. He can clean up the whole mess. Which of course he can't. But it has helped. I know I have more control since he lives with me, as if he were in a facility the staff would need to make the rules or they need a higher level of care. All you can do is insist they do the right thing when they are with you.
For the life of me I cannot figure out why he doesn't tie up the bag and go out into the hall, walk maybe 10 steps to the trash-shoot. He walks right past the front door to get back to the living room. Guess he's waiting for the caregiver or me to throw it out.... [sigh].
Thus, out comes the can of scented spray. I noticed a few weeks ago the morning caregiver had placed scented dryer sheets everywhere she can, even in the dresser drawers.
Now I am wondering about your Mom using pad liners, she says she does not need them. Could be she is associating the pads with Kotex pads, thus she would be right, at her age she wouldn't need them. When you think about it, we spend 40 some years wearing such pads, then we finally break free, then before you know it, we are back to wearing pads :P
My Dad is living in Independent Living and housekeeping comes once a week to clean the bathroom, change the linens/towels, vacuum, and wash the kitchen floor which is part of the monthly rent. My Dad recently went to the option of having his pills managed for him, thus twice a day an Aide will bring him his pills, get him some water, and wait for him to take those pills. Yes, we pay extra for the pill management but it is well worth it.
Another idea, buy some for yourself and then tell Mom that you wear them, and show her the top edge of your Depend type garment. Some elders think these items are only for old people.... glad to see TV ads showing younger people wearing them.