How can I get my Dad to compromise?

"Good" and "bad" are subjective, here. Parents might be resentful, but it does also depend on the situation. I've got my mother living with my husband and I. It's a lot more work but I think I like this better than feeling like I have to be running over to the nursing home or assisted living, all the time. I feel it's more convenient for me. But I have a different approach because my family has a tradition of this. My grandmother had Alzheimer's and lived with us. As a girl, I just had to learn to live with the fact that my grandma wasn't like other grandmas that you see on TV that bake cookies and whatever.

Overall, I hear people tell me this all the time -- how stupid I am for doing this or how angelic I am for doing this. I don't value any of these comments -- how can others who don't know my situation place judgements on this. I'm neither stupid nor angelic nor is anyone else who takes in someone. Each person has their own capacities and we all have to learn to deal with what life hands us.

My advice to all -- be at peace with your decision, whether to take someone in or not, and don't listen to anyone else tell you otherwise. As our parents always drilled into us, "just do your best."

Sooner or later we all choose to leave home and get on with our lives. Yes, you must choose, you see the storm clouds on the horizon. Children who cling to their parents too long end up very lonely in the end.

I have not heard of many situations where parents move in with their children and it is good. Often they are resentful at losing their independence. I haven't heard of too many where children move in with their parents and it is good. Everyone suffers from loss of privacy. If he can live alone and nearby, much better for all. If he can't assisted living might be solution. I think it only works well when all have a clear mind, and little emotional baggage.

As with others who responded, I'll say that you didn't give enough information to know how to respond, but I will give this one experience of my own:
When I ask my mother to do new things, she pretty much just says "no," every time. She seems resistant to change or new things. But I've found that it's a knee jerk response on her part and that there are ways to show her that the "new thing" might be something she even likes. I also find that if it's reinforced by an outside person that she trusts and respects (like her doctor) that it helps her see things differently.

I realize none of this might apply, but I figure it's not advice that's going to hurt you, either.

It is OK to set boundaries with someone who is trying to overstep them. Often people with mental issues are very manipulative. If your father is acting out, maybe an evaluation to adjust or start medications would be helpful. Also people forget that counseling for past issues which may be causing the depression is necessary.

As said before more information is needed in order to give good advice. That said when FIL moved in with us he gave ME a run for the money in that he wanted me to do everything the way his wife would. NOT HAPPENING HERE! First of all it is MY house and I do things my way in my house. That being said it has taken several YEARS of cranky discussions and telling him if he didn't like the food he could take himself to Mc Donalds and meaning it, to get things in line. We still have flare ups often, but he will sulk for a few days and not talk to us...oh well ! I was feeling so angry and resentful it was not pretty.

You have decide what you want to put up with and what your future looks like and whether you can live with that. If not, only you have the power to make things different.

Put care plan in place for him and move out. Or have a family round table and tell him here are the rules, can he live by them, if not, he has 60 days to find new place with your help. Then follow thru.

Cut the ties or you will be "just you and dad" because fiancé will eventually be gone because he will no longer want to live with the stress or will tire of seeing you taken advantage of and have no backbone to make a change.

We don't know your situation but you have the power to make a choice and live with the decision. Maybe being his caregiver is what you deep down want to do and that is ok too.

My advice ASSISTED LIVING he would probaly love it but then again we dont know his health problems?
I live with my mum her house her rules! just be grateful that its your house and you have the right to a life in your own home.
IF it was my house my mum would not be living with me but she has dementia IF she was just old and frail I wouldnt have a problem but when the mind goes its hell to look after them and compromising with someone whose losing it just dosnt work ever it gets worse.
I would also consider day care and respite if he refuses to go then suggest AL but we need to know what illnesses he has?

My own 84 year old father is still hard headed and while I am 58 he and my mother see me and my four younger siblings as 'the kids'. They still say things to me like 'you'll understand when you get older, you are still so young'. I am a grandmother of 8, mother of 3, step mother of 3 and have had a career that I was old enough to RETIRE from. I live away from my parents because they are very difficult. And my mother is very and has always been very rageful, vindictive and plain mean. My siblings get all involved in ruminating about them and it goes no place.
If your dad is not going to compromise, the I guess you have to do what you can do, within your limitations. Get on with your life. It probably isn't good for you all to be living together, but that part is up to you and the constraints of his finances. I do believe that all people need to live with consequences of their actions. My own parents I am sure still think they can bully people and get what they want. if my siblings want to kowtow to that, so be it. I would never NOT care for them to the best of my ability. I don't believe that means that I could or should be required to live with them.

Ferris although sometimes harsh is sometimes right? Any man that gives you an ultimatum over him or caring for your father is not a good person. but i dont think thats what the problem is as again you dont say?
My neighbours sister gave up her job to look after her mum with als she moved in with her husband to her mums home to care for her what a great husband but after 2 yrs they just couldnt do it anymore as she was too much work but they tried anyway and thats the main thing. ALL we can do is try and if it dosnt work out so what? dosnt mean we are bad people. I wish to god i had a partner here with me for company and support but with dementia thats not going to be easy. If its only depression then set boundaries with him or get his doc to talk to him also depression can mimic dementia so make sure your doc rules that out first demand a brain scan thats what i did when my mums so called "depression" was becoming unbearable and i was right this was not depression. Living with an elder with depression is not so bad and can be worked out dementia or als i think is alot more hard work.