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My MIL is now refusing to get out of bed. She is not just dead weight......but resistant weight. So today she was bedbound and I am unable to change her depends because she refuses to roll side to side. Refuses to cooperate at all. any suggestions? BTW, her behind is large and sprawled out so it's hard for me to get under it.

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Veronica91, I like your quote "There is always one more idiot than you counted on" offered in your profile/

Yiu note you are "Retired RN with 10 year experience in Hospice care and previously care of the severely disabled."

Your suggestion is flawed:
{Q}Tie a rope to each of her ankles and attach them to pullys in the ceiling and have your son and son in law haul on the ends till her massive butt is off the bed

Tie the rope around her neck not her ankles.

It is so difficult to maintain a sense of humor. I can hear the screams of protest ...
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That's a hard one. I would ask her if she would rather let you change her or would she rather go to the nursing home. I definitely would put her in one. Not to be mean, bit because she has made it impossible for you to do this all alone. Even just a few hours a day. It's a last resort, but it sounds like it's time. You can try giving her the choice. If she still refuses, tell her you have no choice because the state will step in and take her. (Adult protective services). How does your husband feel about hiw she behaves? Does he take over when he gets home? My husband wanted us to mive his dad in and I agreed, but told him he would be changing him. I told him, for one thing, he would be embarrassed and the other was, I took care of my own mama and never asked him to help. This was "his" parent.
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I don't have any suggestions for you, but I hope you take care of yourself. That sounds dangerous. Maybe, it's enough. Can you get some help? I might focus on that before the linens. Take care.
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My husband is shown in so many of your replies. For this very serious problem, some of your funny comments made me laugh (good medicine). He is bedridden and somehow, today, he managed to grab a drawer out and throw it at me. When is
enough enough? Does anyone have a good remedy for the odor on the bedding?
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I'm just thinking nursing home, even if she has to go on Medicaid. I guess I am just not as nice as you are, to care for someone (even with dementia, so it's not her fault) that is so awful to me, and harmful physically. You only get one back!
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Tie a rope to each of her ankles and {fill in the blank _______________}

What do you do if you can't change the depends? Where do you turn for help?
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Just a reminder, and to cover any liability here, we as caregivers do not pull on the patient's arms and legs.
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You may need a large sheet to get her started to one side, then slip adjustable strapped diaper, and then roll her over with the sheet.... Noone wants to admit they are getting more dependant....
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The truth is there comes a time to face the truth. Sometimes the day arrives when you can no longer care for your loved ones at home, unless you have the resources and finances to do so. You stated your mother in law refuses to get out of bed. The whole person must be taken care of , not just tho physical aspects. Why is this person suddenly refusing to get out of bed?

Do they have an underlying depression that needs to be addressed?
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Ohdear wouldn't everybody love to have two people to help change their loved ones diapers. Look forward to 12 hour shifts not 24 Ah bliss a couple of hours in Jeanettes new pool with a glass of something not nutricious.
Sorry Ohdear i know you meant to be helpful but most posters beyond help!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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I work in a nursing home. Residents who are similar to your loved ones are changed with the assist of two people. For safety and to prevent you from an injury this is the method to use.
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Well it is Jeannie when they weight 70 lbs and follow your instructions with a sweet smile on their faces.
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I would really like to see suggestions from those who keep insisting that caring for an elder is like caring for a young child.
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My stepdad has lung problems, is on oxygen, fibrosis that hardens the lungs, restricts his breathing if on his side. We are currently doing the side roll but the compression of his lungs makes him cough, which causes fecal matter to express at each spasm. Clean up is continuous as well as extremely painful to him because he can't get the air. Is there any way to clean up while staying on his back with elevated head? He is 95 and unable to assist much...knee problems and 200 lbs.
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V, the picture that your post brought to mind... Oh my Lord! I needed that good laugh! XD
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Teepa snow dementia expert has fantastic videos on YouTube explaining how brain failure (dementia) can sometimes cause care receivers to do strongly resistant opposite reactions than you are trying to get them to do. They are not always trying to be defiant. Something about mixed up signals in the brain. It can look like they are causing trouble on purpose. I took care of someone that did that and she was driving me nuts, I would try to distract her, or wait for her to change out of those behaviors. Then I found Teepa snow and understand more of what was happening. Good luck with your MIL,don't hurt yourself with the struggles!
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P.S. if she is as unco-operative with hospice they will brave the darkest underworld and introduce her to Mr Foley.
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I have an idea! Tie a rope to each of her ankles and attach them to pullys in the ceiling and have your son and son in law haul on the ends till her massive butt is off the bed. Then you do the necessary and they can lower her back down.
she will be too shocked she won't have the chance to swing at you and for a change YOU can have a smirk on your face.
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I'm so sorry. I read your words and I'm foreseeing what it will be like as my father progresses in his senility. Bedridden but very mean. Before, he was able to only show the nice side publicly. Now, he verbally abuses us to non-family. He has tried Several times to just lay there and expect me to change his pampers without helping. I absolutely refuse to do it. I have really bad back pain from years of pulling bedridden vegetative-like mom. He thinks I should do the same for him. Most times my reactions are too slow and I get hit. I read your words here and I know that one day, he will do what your mil is doing. Plain mean both of them.
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Hospice will be very supportive with the sedating meds but they won't help your back just the bruises she inflicts. Sometimes you must wonder how such an unpleasant woman managed to create such a loving man as your dear husband.
You have been a very giving person to care for your husbands mother but unless she is very close to death maybe now is the time to consider a nursing home. You know her and your strengths so discuss it with your hospice nurse and do what is right for you. Talk to your son and son in law too they are a rare breed in this world and a blessing to you in their willingness to help with MIL it can't be something they look forward to. You can be very proud of them. I hope you can find a solution to all this. It is so much worse with the violence too. Perhaps a large hammer would be the solution!!!!!!!
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My MIL has always been extraordinarily stubborn and now that she is at this stage of her disease..........well she just refuses anything I ask her. She appears to take pleasure in saying no. I don't say that lightly. I really think she enjoys it and gets a smirk on her face..........it creeps me out. She is not in pain but I notice she rarely rolls over in bed on her own and I think that's because of her weight. My wonderful husband (her son) died 3 1/2 years ago after an awful cancer battle. He was the perfect patient and we weathered the storm together. I adored him and I miss him in every corner. So I can't call on his help but I do call on my son and my son in law at times to help me.
The rejection and hateful things my MIL says to me would be categorized as serious verbal abuse. It is easy to say "don't let it bother you." But that's tough when the comments are so personal. (And when I am ducking to avoid a punch) I'm looking to sedating meds at this time.
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Me, too... I'd like their hear their advice on how to change pampers without turning - like one does with a baby.

Marialake - not possible to change a bedridden without turning. Even if you invent a mechanical sling, you will end up breaking her back bone from lifting on that hoist if you only lift the back and NOT the butt - which defeats the purpose since you need to clean her butt in the first place.

You may need to figure out why she no longer wants to get out of bed. Why she doesn't want to turn on her sides. Is she hurting somewhere? Worse case scenario, wait for hubby to come home so that he talk her into turning?
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I am waiting to hear some answers from those posters who claim that caring for an elder is just like caring for a baby, and that after all they diapered you and now it is your turn to diaper them.
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Thanks all. I know the procedure to roll patient side to side to get the diaper on and have done it many times and it works like a charm but........................my MIL does the opposite of what I ask her which is what I meant by resistant weight. She is heavy and those big hips don't roll without her cooperation. She swings at me and pulls the other way. I will be trying meds to calm her down and I guess at that point maybe I can get her to roll. Dead weight is easier that what she is doing. (I can use the draw sheet.........but only if she allows me). For some reason, all of her anger is directed at me. I've never had trouble getting along with people and I am kind and gentle etc but no tactic seems to work. I am exhausted but the good news is that she was accepted by hospice..........at least for now. I am beyond grateful.
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You could get some smoke going and yell "fire" that might move her. other than that do as Psiegman suggested. When you have help you could fold a strong sheet in half and put it across the bed. that way your would have some leverage to roll her over. Without help this is N/H territory you can't do this alone you will wreck your back and where will she be then
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Ask the visiting nurses to demonstrate the technique of rolling the patient onto one side, tucking the diaper under the hip, and rolling them to the other side to finish up. You might have to switch to a diaper that open on the side. If you don't have visiting nurses, ask the doctor to order them.
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