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My wife, with late stage dementia, was admitted from the ER to the geriatric psych ward of our local hospital because she was violent in the ER two days ago. I took her to the ER because I thought she might have a UTI but she didn't. I am her caregiver at our home. The social worker has asked me to attend a meeting about my wife at the hospital on Tuesday. What will the meeting be for? What do they want to know? Will they take my wife away from me? Where could they put her? Can they? I have her POA. I have been a good loving caregiver. I think one daughter, a nurse at this hospital, is trying to get custody over my wife for financial gain.

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Just 1more thing I don't have POA !!
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Omg .it's like I'm reliving my own nitemares !! Hun I've got 1word for you .RUN!! My mum was in hosp for a fall she has severe dementia. The so called concerned social workers on every ward she went to milked every bit of info about our life from me only to find they had plotted the whole thing to take my mum from my 16years of care to have her admitted to a nursing home to which I will never subject to at any cost they are disgusting . The nurse/patient ratio is 1:8 need I say more ! There is nothing compared to 1on 1care if that's right for your individual situation . Anyway the s/worker took it upon herself to apply for public trustee n guardianship to take control of our lives !!! The PT&G are the most inhumane body I've ever come across please do not let them anywhere near you . The hosp refused to let me take her home or discharge as they were waiting till the order came in to put her away .there was no medical issue to keep her there ie:on a drip or heart problems etc . So I took it upon myself to kidnap her from the hosp. And I did exactly that ! What an adrenalin rush lol. I rang them when we got home to tell them and that she wouldn't be coming back !! Unfortunately the hearing was still going to happen and of course there is no way I could win .I'm family !!! I list her to their evil clutches for 9 months till a review .I worked like hell to have everything covered to win her back and yes I succeeded which is rare !! When they interview u need to tell them what they want to hear which is everything runs to an itinary medication plenty of help plenty support u get plenty of Respite .she is not difficult your not stressed coz uv plenty support ! Tell them u have bathroom modifications in place ie:handrails etc anything keep everything positive and you should sail through with out them making the decision for whom they know nothing nothing about sorry that's so long . I wish u every bit of luck xx stay calm at all times I can't stress that enough
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Warren, it sounds as though your wife's continued treatment was denied and there was an appeal before an Administrative Judge? Was your daughter there today? So glad Mrs. Warren got her services extended!
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Warren, Prepare yourself for the best future care for both you and your wife.
That would be obtaining the best council and resources early, and not leaving your wife's fate to a judge. Hoping her condition improves as much as possible while being cared for there.
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Update: The meeting was for a Medicare Judge to decide if my wife will be allowed to continue her care in the geriatric psych ward of our local hospital. He allowed up to an additional 20 days. I guess they approve in 20 day blocks. She had been in 5 days.
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08/24/16.... Warren, how was the meeting yesterday? What were the recommendations?
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Also, good luck at the meeting.

If you are unsure, take someone with you as a witness to remember what they say.

Record the meeting with your phone.
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Warren, Take my philosophy with you.
"What can be done by paperwork, can be undone by more paperwork."

You are the spouse!
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Warren, I just want to wish you good luck tomorrow at the meeting. Make a list of your questions to take with you.

And let us know what the outcome is; you'll be helping someone who has the same questions down the road.
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Warren, GOOGLE "the geriatric social worker- Social WorkToday"
Here you will find a very interesting article, on exactly what the Social worker meeting is all about, and especially in regards to the Dementia patient. It looks very favorable towards the caregiver being an intragal part of the care team, and how they are there to help you to help your wife! You will learn a lot from reading this. I hope it gives you some peace of mind.
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Warren there is another thread on here you might want to read. " Husband needs to go into a nursing facility but I'm wondering how this will affect me financially".
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Warren, find an elder law attorney that specializes in Medicaid rules. They will help you to negotiate the system while helping you find the best care for your wife.

Relax, your daughter is probably just trying to help and is just as concerned about you as she is her mom.

If you are a veteran there may be assistance available from them bor both you and your wife.

BREATHE. The social worker meeting is normal procedures. Let the experts help you. Will daughter be at that meeting as well? You both need to work together.
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Warren, nursing home Medicaid is a whole different thing. You are the " community spouse" and you are permitted to retain some portion of your joint assets and income . You may need to see an eldercare certified attorney to set this up. Is your daughter helping you with this orocess?

I'm wondering if you suspect that someone is going to ask you to transfer assets to your daughter. That would NOT benefit your wife in the Medicaid application process.

I hòpe the social worker is able to clarfy all this for you at the meeting.
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"you do NOT have to sell the house. The house and one car are exempt assets. She can go on Medicaid separately. You get to stay in the house".
- How does she 'go on Medicaid separately'? Do we have to get divorced? Medicaid approval is based on family income and assets.
- I get to 'stay in my house' but Medicaid places a lean against the house so it goes to Medicaid when I die.
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Warren, relax!

The psych ward staff and the social worker are not the enemy. The meeting will be to discuss your wife's care plan going forward - don't you *want* to be involved?! They're involving you! It's all good!

Their priority is your wife's welfare. If she is a danger to herself or to other people - especially you - then returning her straight home is not a good idea. But that doesn't mean they want to "take her away from" you. They want her to be safe and well cared for. And if they can help you to carry on doing that at home, they will - apart from anything else it's much the cheapest option, if you want to be cynical about it.

Your daughter may be worried that you are struggling to care for your wife, and that you won't accept help. Well, if your reaction to being invited to a care planning meeting is to assume the worst of everyone and everything, I can see where your daughter might get that idea.

If you accept support from and deal straightforwardly with these people, that's the best way of staying together. Their help can make it possible for you to continue to look after your wife for longer. It's that simple.
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Warren, if your wife can qualify for Medicaid, then don't worry about the cost, Medicaid will pay for her care in a continuing care facility. And like Pam mentioned above, you can still live in your house for as long as you want.

You would no longer need to be her full-time caregiver, you can now go back to being her dear and devoted husband. And yes, you can still watch over her, even have meals with her if the place allows that... watch TV with her... go for a walk outside in the court yard, etc.
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warren631, you do NOT have to sell the house. The house and one car are exempt assets. She can go on Medicaid separately. You get to stay in the house.
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How much does a commercial Memory Care place cost? I think I make a little above the medicaid limit for government support and I don't have much savings so I would probably have to sell our house.
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"Is simply trying NOT to lose two parents at once".
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Warren, you sound panicked and scared that your wife is going to be "taken away from you".

I want you to think about that for a moment. Your dear wife is being taken away from you by dementia. I dont know what other motives your daughter may have, but i strongly, strongly suspect that trying to get her mom into a facility is in no way going to benefit her financially. I have no doubt that you have been a loving caregiver, but if your wife's aggression has gotten frequent and unremitting, there is a very strong possibility that your daughter is simply trying to to lose two parents at once.

One of my aunts tried to keep my uncle's rages and physical violence from everyone. By the time my cousins got their dad placed in memory care and properly medicated, my poor aunt was beyond repair. She died of a massice heart attack about a month after Uncle was placed. He, on the other hand, lived for several more years, happy and content in Memory Care.
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Warren, what do you mean "for financial gain"? What is your understanding about this?

As for the meeting, that is very normal since your wife would have been in the hospital for more than 2 days, that means she could be admitted to a rehab facility or another facility to help her get better. That would be good news. Don't fight that decision as that is in your wife's best interest.

Then after a couple weeks in rehab/other facility there will be another meeting to let you know about your wife's progress. If all is good, and your house can be set up to help your wife, she could come home. But if the meeting recommends a higher level of care for your wife, that is something you need to think long and hard about.

Remember this is your first rodeo.... this isn't the Social Worker's, doctor's, therapist, nurses first rodeo. They are the experts. One needs to set aside emotions at the door.
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Standard practice is to have a meeting with the Social Worker and the Discharge Coordinator. They will want to be absolutely sure there is 24/7 home care, that she is never left alone at any time.
If the daughter is pursuing custody, you would have been served legal papers for a Guardianship hearing. Apparently that has not happened. Bring your POA original paperwork with you and your Health Care Proxy. It helps establish your authority.
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