Friends (whining).

DON'T BLOCK THEM especially 23 years of friendship. They probably feel hopeless not knowing how to help you. Honestly.. when we get older, we change. I mean, I think we did really damn good job in distancing ourselves from our friends..

REALLY DAMN GOOD... :(

Don' make that mistake, please. We used to have BBQ's etc. Nobody...we can har the crickets outside. It is so easy to isolate yourself...

Nobody wants to hear it. It's the same story, but another day... They don't understand what it takes for you to get through this day with MOM. It hurts..

Friends want you to be uplifting back up and happy... We can't do that when our loved ones are compromised... and we are here to worry about them, take care of them as well as we can..

Positive affirmations in the morning... some how some way...

But we need to consider our friends and not drag them down either. Practice Smiling around them? smile and tell a fun story.

If they ask about mom, just keep it short... I am glad you asked... Thank you for caring... Leave it at that.

Anyway, friends are harder to get the older we get. Isolating yourself is not good. It's tough... very tough... but let yourself have a little break in the week... see your friends... They are not used to this, and they don't understand, they just want you to be "normal" again... smile.. keep them in your corner...
come here to clear your mind.. It's what this platform was built for, I believe... It has helped me over the years.
It has helped a lot of people over the years. You are not alone, NOT AT ALL.

Do your whining here..... get it off your chest; go have a wine day with your friends, and come back and tell us how your day went :)

i post my true feelings on this blog and ask for advice here. I try not to be a Debbie downer with my friends. This is a situation that can’t be fixed.

If asked I will tell my friends what is happening with my caregiving slog and am quick to change the subject. When I am with my friends I want to not think about it. I prefer to hear about their lives.

Everyone has their crosses to bear in life, I try to remember that mine is no larger than most peoples’.

We are in Caring alone. I know when people asked how Mom was doing it was being polite. They really did not want details.

I had a friend who complained all the time about her life. Any suggestions made to help improve it were shot down. It comes down to, if your going to complain, be ready for suggestions. Are you saying at the time a suggestion is being made "that won't work because". At 73 I am finding its better to say "I may try that" or "sounds good". If later your asked if the suggestion worked...not with my parents. And, people get tired of listening to negative things. Its not they don't care or understand but it maybe depressing to them.

And people have their lives.

Sadly your friends can't relate to what you are going though. That doesn't make them a bad friend. You have a friend who tries to give you advise and you just shoot it down. She is trying and you don't see it or appreciate it.

When I got divorced back in 1999 it consumed my life. It was all I talked about and after awhile my friends got tired of hearing about it. They couldn't relate. I didn't drop them as friends.

To have a friend you have to be one. If it all about you and your issues all the time you are not being a friend to them. It is a two way street. Sure sometimes one person benefits more than the other but there still has to be a give and take.

I developed a good friend in a coworker because we were both dealing with a difficult elderly parent. We also had the same mindset that that we refused to let this consume or life. She said I was the only person she could be totally honest with about how she felt dealing with her mother. It was assumed a woman should give up her life to care for an elderly parent and act as if it was some sort of blessing to do so and we both knew it wasn't.

Friends tire of our situation. Mine say “you NEED to expect good days and bad days.. I found me resenting their lack of caring. I hired a mental health counselor. She is paid to listen and she gives real advice.. Friends want fun friends around them….just a fact. I also think many friends are elderly themselves and perhaps dementia scares them and this mom chatter makes them worry about their forgetfulness!

Penny4, I believe that Sadinroanokeva is making a really valid point. Friends do get tired of our situations. Caregiving can last a long time and really isn't that much fun. I was thinking recently that most friends and family have grown tired of how long my family's situation is lasting. We end up on these forums looking for people who do understand.

MD1748's thoughts on friends changing throughout our lives is such a valid point. We need new friends to support our new situations, friends that can identify with our struggles.

There was a children's song about making new friends while keeping the old. Both are equal treasures.

It's like listening to someone who talks about their spouse and grandchildren over and over again 24/7. Women are good at doing this. As time wears on, friends back away.

Being a friend is a two way street, many times caregivers lose their focus, their life, as they are so absorbed with their LO and their issues.

I have two in homes, one AL the other MC, if asked, I will give a brief update, that is it, I actually never bring them up otherwise as everyone has their own crosses to bear.

Might be time to get a little therapy to work through the issue. Take care!

Our first child was born with a major birth defect and has had several surgeries along with various complications. We quickly learned of the limits of how much friends and even family wanted, and still want, to hear about it all. It seems people unconsciously think it could rub off on them, or they don’t know what to say, or a myriad of other reason it makes them uncomfortable. If we cut off everyone who didn’t respond the way we’d like we’d have no one left. Sometimes you just have to overlook the shortcomings of others and extend some grace. Share a limited amount and change topics, be grateful for friends to talk with about other things. Yes, it can be hurtful, but losing relationships is also hurtful. I wish you peace

Basically it's the road we all take. Yes, I have friends, but I speak with them less than biweekly at this point. I am sure they are tired of hearing me and my tales of woe in being a caregiver, and frankly, I don't call them very often either as I'm tired of hearing myself. It's not that they are "bad" friends or "bad" people, it's just that once you reach a point where there's not a lot to say, it's rather boring and depressing for both sides of conversation. I hate to say it, but you either have to just live with your "new" existence or find a clinician to whom you can speak. Then there's always posting to this forum because most of us are in similar situations. :) Don't block your friends, there may come a time when you'll be able to enjoy each others' company again!

I've had a similar experience. I don't ever really see that I have talked about it a whole lot, but apparently, it's more than enough for those people. Last week someone asked me how my mother is in front of one of those people and the "friend" interrupted immediately announcing, "Oh god! Don't ask! We're here for a happy time", or words to that effect. I was basically unable to respond to the question.

I agree with the comment below: Don't block your friends right now. You can talk here, and perhaps you can find someone who will provide you another place to talk (like a counselor or the like).

Meanwhile, I don't plan to spend time with those folks any time soon.