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He saved her life. Her mother has POA and is using that to say who can see her. Is that legal??

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Our hope is to find someone to advocate for her and ask her what she wants ,
Her boyfriend knows he has no rights. But she does and she needs to know what they are.
Maybe at rehab she will be able to express her wishes.
The moral of this story is don’t wait to get married!!!
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The mother is isolating your friend. I'd call Social Services and file a complaint. Make the mother explain and provide evidence that isolating your friend is in your friend's best interest. I can't think of one instance or rationale for isolating her. Period.

I'm not buying that you have no recourse. Sorry for the blunt response. I'm ticked and ticked for you all.
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Beckyinbend May 11, 2019
Thank you....you can imagine our frustration.
There is no good valid reason for the isolation except the mom wanting full control. She herself has an abusive, controlling husband.
My origional question was does having POA allow her to do this?
She does not have guardianship.

Origional prognosis......she would be on life support for the rest of her life. They were advised to remove life support and let her die.

They didn’t do that and within 3 months she was off of all life support! She has continued to improve and now her memory is her biggest issue. But she
does remember random things and things from her teens.
She’s very clever and very funny. Her past personality is there.
she says a lot “ I want my life back” meaning her life with him.

there will be a book about this some day, he writes beautifully about their relationship and his care for her.
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What kind of legal recourse? Sue the girl’s mother? What would be the charge?

There has to be more to this story. Does the patient live at this LTC facility due to her disability? What’s her prognosis? Does she have control of her bowel and bladder? The mother may not care for the boyfriend. Is he on a “no visit” list? Otherwise the mom can’t be there 24/7 to prevent it. What is the staff to do if he shows up? Is their a restraining order against him? Otherwise can’t he visit when he wants?

Can’t you just ask to meet with mom and ask her why?
I mean, that’s a pretty obvious start.

Is the boyfriend going to provide 24/7 care for his fiancé? If a person was anoxic for 30 minutes I am thinking she has lost some body function or motor function - does she feed herself?

The mother sounds protective over her daughter. Even the OP stated that so sort of answered their own question.

Try to work it out as adults and assure the mom the BF has good intentions.

Its been almost 2 years since her injury. How many times has she seen her fiancée?

I hope she improves.
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Beckyinbend May 11, 2019
She has control of all bodily functions! She lives with mom and step dad. Her biggest struggle is with her memory she has no other limitations.
the reasons mom gives don’t make any sense.
She refused to talk to boyfriend. Trust me he has done nothing wrong regarding her or her care. Has always been very respectful of her mother. Until recently they got along just great.
all he wants is too see her or talk to her on the phone. He has made no demands.
Any woman would be so lucky to have him in their life.
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May I ask what was the cause of the brain injury?
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Beckyinbend May 11, 2019
Cardiac arrest, 30 min to revive her Anoxic brain injury. Aug 2017
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So mom can continue to be mentally abusive and controlling and no one can do anything about it. Very sad....
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worriedinCali May 10, 2019
Where is the proof she’s being mentally abusive though? Did it occur to anyone that maybe she wants her daughter to focus on recovery? Has anyone talked to the mother and asked for an explanation?
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It might be good to challenge this, simply by turning up to see your friend, by yourself or with BF/fiance. My experience is that if you look ‘normal’ and walk in with confidence, you are unlikely to be stopped. It’s even less likely for security staff or police to be called. Make sure that you have letters to leave with or for your friend, just in case your own letters are being blocked.

Of course, if possible, you should first ask her mother why she has blocked all these visits. If it ‘seems best right now’, and there is a short time line for visits to be acceptable, you can wait out the problem.

If your brain-injured friend would actually like the visits, she needs to know why BF and friends are not turning up. I would stop worrying so much about saying something negative, and lay it on the line. If turning up provokes an incident with police etc, it will probably also lay it all on the line. Your friend is the person who needs to be making the decisions as far as is possible, not her mother.
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Beckyinbend May 10, 2019
He did that on Monday, just showed up, walked in, no one was around. He saw her briefly and she him. She tried to get to him before someone saw him and said he would have to sign in. Upon doing that they checked a book and he was listed as not being able to see her. He didn’t even get to tell her good bye.

Mom was called....texted him that her seeing him would be a distraction to her therapy. Now that all sounds good and logical but he is more of an incentive for her to get better then a distraction.
hes 40 yrs old! She’s 38, these are not kids but adults, they should not be treated like this!
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It's probably legal, although adult protective services might pay them a visit if you can convince them that your brain injured friend is being prevented from desired socialization. On the other hand, how do you know, for sure, that is the case? If you haven't had contact with her how do you know she even wants to see these friends? Pops has a brain injury and the personality changes and memory loss made it very hard for him to socialize with people who knew him before the injury. It was very upsetting to him that they remembered things he didn't, that he couldn't remember their names and important shared memories. He wasn't sure if they were lying to him or not. I encouraged him to try, I "storied" him about the person who would be visiting or taking him out for lunch or something but it always left him very upset. It was easier for him to pretend for brief infrequent visits and there were a few people that he begged me to keep away from him. He doesn't even remember who I am, he knows I take care of him and that everyone says I'm his wife but he believes me to be different people depending on the situation. Sometimes he thinks I'm a stranger, sometimes I'm his mother, sometimes his daughter. Traumatic Brain Injury can be mild or it can be severe and can bring with it a whole host of issues that are unbelievably challenging. Adding old friends, dealing with social visits etc while still in the physical therapy stages may just be one thing more than they can deal with right now.
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worriedinCali May 9, 2019
I doubt APS will get involved. The friend is in a rehab facility. She’s Not being denied socialization. She’s not isolated.
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Are you or a friend the one wanting to visit her? I am confused based on responses.
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Beckyinbend May 10, 2019
I live in Oregon, she’s in Texas. It’s her “” fiance” who wants to see her. He moved to Texas to be near her during her recovery but in Feb. mom cut off their communication. She even got daughter a new phone number! He was paying for her phone...he found this rehab facility for her. She was moved from Houston to Austin for. Rehab. He lives in Austin...
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Could you have flowers or an edible arrangement sent through a delivery service that requires giving it directly to her, maybe a singing telegram that says call me?

Have you tried talking to the mom from a position of wanting to be there for the entire family because you love her daughter and all of them, at least open the door to finding out what her aversions are based on. Maybe a lovely bouquet for mom.
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Beckyinbend May 10, 2019
I have a box of little things ready to send her..I think the facility will have to give it too her.

Mom knows we love her daughter and would do anything for her!
and we have done a lot for her. I took care of her for 60 of the 120 days she was in the hospital in Seattle.

We dont understand why why the sudden change in mom.
Her excuses make NO sense.
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Is it possible to send her a letter? You could explain that everyone is praying for her and looking forward to being allowed to see her.

I can't understand isolating your loved one from their support group.

Maybe letting her know that it is not by choice that they are not around could help her. But brain injuries are very difficult, you never know how much damage has been done to the personality of the person and it could be a different person than you remember.

Send love anyway possible.
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Beckyinbend May 9, 2019
I have written to her but doubt mom gave her the letters. However now that she is in a rehab facility I will send cards to her there. I have a “care pkg” ready to send her too.
I am very careful not to say anything negative just that I miss her and love her.
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Bummer thanks !
I’m very familiar with HIPPA.
i know staff can’t share information.
I don’t understand how mom can be so controlling and why.
If given the choice we know she would much rather he had POA then her mother.
They had to really coerce her to give mother POA,
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Why is mom stopping her friends from visiting? Is there a reason or just a scared mom being to protective?

More information will get you more answers.
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Beckyinbend May 9, 2019
Scared mom being protective probably???
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Would she be considered competent with the brain injury? Not enough information to provide an answer. Would she want to change her POA? Is she able to state who she wants to see?
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Beckyinbend May 9, 2019
She is very much able to say who she wants to see and she wants to see him.
They were engaged for 2 years before this happened.
he doesn’t know why mom is blocking him.
He stayed with her all 120 days she was in the hospital, raised over $20,000 for her continuing care. Moved half way across the US to be with her. (Family moved her from NW to Texas)
she doesn’t know that her
mother had blocked them from talking .
her main struggle is with memory she is able to do things like read and write, song and dance , dress and feed herself.
He had been nothing short of loving and caring to her .
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Yes, by the law and HIPPA the Drs cannot share any information with non-family members and mom has the right to say who can see her daughter and who can't and the medical staff have to go along with what mom says.

I am sorry for what you all are going through.
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Beckyinbend May 9, 2019
So there is no legal recourse?
this is all just so wrong.
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