My friend whom I live with has dementia. She won't admit she has changed. Any advice?

SSL, you will never succeed at getting your friend to admit she has changed. She will not remember she has a disease that is causing problems. She thinks she is perfectly fine. To avoid additional stress on you I suggest you stop trying to convince her otherwise.

You have to take care of you, and whatever is required you have to figure out a way. If you think it is difficult now, it will only get worse. If she will not go to a day program I would start looking for a memory care facility. It may be your only chance to live the rest of YOUR life!

I didn't mean to imply that what my FIL did is okay. The way he went about getting alone time was not okay.

My father in law used to leave his wife sitting alone in an empty apartment with nothing but the TV on because he needed some alone time. We all do.

Paradise is right about the risk of shortening your own life by being ashamed or bashful about asking for help. Please start preparing yourself for the possibility of her being unable to live alone without being a danger to herself. Start reaching out to her nieces and nephews and ask them how the family would like to handle her situation.

One of unfortunate realizations is we have to make ourselves live in the moment. If not, one bad moment after a series of good ones can really throw us for a loop. I highly recommend letting the health care provider be the "bad guy". By the time another trip to Doctor is made they will have forgotten he/she gave bad news. You, however, are a constant reminder because you are always there & there is still some association (you=bad news). Like all of us say...don't be ashamed or bashful about asking for help....if you are, your loved one might outlive you 🤔😊

Something that is good about going to the doctor is that he/she can tell her the things she needs. That way the doctor can be the bad guy, instead of you. It is a lot less personal when a doctor says you need to hire care than when a friend says it. The doctor carries more weight, too. Maybe hearing it from a doctor would convince your friend.

Many people are in the same position that you are in. What do we do when someone won't go to a facility, but refuses to let help come into their homes. It is a worrisome problem with no easy answer. The best we can do is try to convince the person. The alternative is to wait for the crisis that will come and take it from there.

I have been in this co dependent relationships for 37 years. That is one of the problems. She doesn't want me to leave. I have a business and work for myself. So, I go work several times a month and have to spend the night. It is wonderful to have the relaxation time. But all that time I worry about how she is doing. I call twice a day. Family hasn't offered much.. no one but nieces and nephews left. How can i get her to let someone come in when I am gone?

Does you friend have a primary care physician? Having a good evaluation of her condition would be the best place to start. From what you describe, it sounds like she may have some significant cognitive impairment. There are several things that can cause it. If she is older, it may be something metabolic or perhaps a urinary tract infection, that could be easily treated. If it is dementia, there are still things that may help.

I don't understand the loss of appetite. That is not common until the latter stages of dementia. It does sound like she needs the help of doctors.

You can read many of the posts here. In addiiton, seek out a caregiver's support group for alzheimer/dementia patients. Many memory care facilities, churches, visitig nurse associations, United way groups offer such programs. There you will learn first hand techniques that you may try.

Ultimately, you will learn that you will have to make some difficult decisions. One thing about bringing in help . . . I told my Mom that my friend wanted to work with seniors but needed experience. Could she visit with my Mom and then we could provide a reference? IT WORKED. Good luck.