I've been forced into a position of having to provide care for my Dad who abused me as a child. Not sure how to handle this?
My father is a horribly selfish, hate filled, abusive alcoholic narcissist who has recently been diagnosed with metastatic cancer. Thankfully, my mother FINALLY gave up and left him several years ago (probably much too late as she is little more than a burnt out shell of her long ago self and in need of help for PTSD resulting from decades of his abuse).....his latest affair was her last straw. He now lives with this woman he cheated with who is a mentally unstable, raging alcoholic. I had not spoken with my father for years as I truly hate him and he has never done a thing for me, his only child, in my entire life. I dropped out of school at 16 and worked 2 jobs just to save money up to get out of this man's house and away from his abuse. Suddenly, I was contacted by the awful woman he lives with and told he was in the hospital....lost his job....I'm his daughter and I should help. Well, I contacted members of his family and NO ONE will help him. The woman he lives with is there to use him for free alcohol and a free place to stay as she has no job or income and feels it is MY job to care for BOTH of them. WOW. I've discovered while going through his papers that he has blown tens of thousands of dollars in the last few years on this woman and her daughter and grandsons....meanwhile I live paycheck to paycheck and am the primary caregiver to my spouse who has a serious mental illness ( which has caused a very unstable employment situation for him). My father NEVER offered any help, no Christmas gifts, no calls ....NOTHING. Funny how neither she nor her family has lifted a finger to help him.....and I'm now the primary care coordinator for him. I got him into a program so he could get top notch cancer care for FREE. I'm fighting his battle for disability and Medicaid. I'm missing work to shuttle him everywhere. I'm begging charities for help....and every day I ask myself why I bother? I hate him....I really do. Being around him fills me with pain and anger. He has never acknowledged all he has done to me. He is still as he always was.... He doesn't even ask how I'm doing or any other little thing about myself. He allows the woman he lives with to talk to me any kind of way. He is also a pathological liar and he plays games and trys to manipylate me, his doctors, everyone. He makes everything a struggle purposefully declaring "everything will be my way!" One example of this: one of his doctors told him he had an infection and to begin taking the antibiotic on a Saturday. He waited until Monday to begin the meds, stating " i've had the infection this long....a few more days won't hurt. I'll take the pills when im good and ready!" SMH... I guess I feel obligated as there is no one else to do anything. Is there anyone else out there attempting to provide care for their abuser? How do you handle it? Should I just give up and let the chips fall where they may? I'm very tired and depressed.