She just feels like sleeping but after long mornings she gradually gets better. 90 years old. waiting for doctor to call. her bp and oxygen is "normal".
Willows, I think you are right to not enable him to become more helpless. I think that you have to draw a line in the sand somewhere. My mother sometimes pushes me to do everything for her. I try to keep her as independent as possible for as long as possible. It's healthier for everybody that way. Atta Girl
Sherry, I agree with you. A home nurse visited today to take a blood draw from mom. She said, "Rose (mom), the more Maggie does for you, the stronger she gets. That's the good news. The BAD news is that the more Maggie does for you, the weaker YOU get." It's a cool way to remember the truth.
No, jeannegibbs, I disagree with you. By refusing to do for him what I knew he could do for himself, he went ahead and did it. My husband has always been a high-maintenance fellow, and now that he has dementia, he tends to require the same amount of attention. You would be surprised how much he can do for himself by my refusing to do for him what I KNOW he can do for himself and encouraging him to do it. This morning, the first thing he said to me when he got out of bed was "I feel so weak." I kissed him and said, "I don't want to hear it." Before long, he was up and washed and singing a hymn at the top of his lungs. Don't feel sad, jeannegibbs since you are not his wife and you have no notion of the psychology that is necessary here to make life for both him and for me better all the way around. It is easy for you to pass judgment. You were not married to my husband for 63 years, and you have no idea what makes him tick. Thank you for your misplaced concern anyhow.
Littlebitangela, I don't believe I've read a more heart-wrenching report from a caregiver than yours. I wish I were there with you so that we could cry together. I don't know if my advice will be of any help to you, but have you considered perhaps not attempting to take your dad anywhere? Neither he nor you need that extra strain and anxiety. I think it would be better if he were to stay home and you could take him outside when the weather permits to sit and enjoy the fresh air and hear the birds sing, etc. etc. He doesn't need a rock concert at this stage of his life. What I had my husband do with me the other day as we sat on lawn chairs out in the back yard was what I loved to do when I was a little girl with my friends. I had my husband look up at the sky at the floating white clouds and encouraged him to imagine different pictures as they floated by. We saw an elderly man with a beard, we saw an owl, we saw a princess, we saw a king wearing a fancy crown, etc. etc. He enjoyed it very much. I plan to do this with him again as soon as possible. It got his imagination to working bigtime. :)
Very good philosophy, Angela. I salute you! It is very important, even though sometimes a caregiver feels she can do it faster and better. to simply let him/her do it; otherwise, they can become completely helpless long before it's time. I checked with our physician as to how I was handling him, and she said, "Good for you! Keep it up!" Every day that I refuse to do something for him that he can do for himself is one more day of triumph for both of us. Onward and Upward! :)
TheBoogs - I kind of agree with you. However I spent time with her yesterday, my 93 yr old mother in law. When I arrived, she was out of it. She is recovering from bronchitis, hopefully. The longer I hung out, the more she rallied. She eventually said that she draws energy from me and her caregivers. We had laughter, good conversation, she sat up which helped her breathing.
Can we rally her from all the years of condescending remarks and secluded lifestyle? Probably not, but leaving her on the couch, laying down with little interaction should be balanced with socialization.....just not sure who the healthiest socialization should be with.
My Mom is also 90 and is sleeping a lot. My sister agrees with most of you to let her sleep. BUT, I am reviewing her meds because some of them can induce not only drowsiness, but mental confusion. I also know that the less she moves, the less she can move - a vicious cycle. So yes, let her sleep, but also make sure that you review her meds with a doctor and make sure she gets about some to keep those joints moving.
My mother tends to sleep about 10 hours a night. She is 103. She is having some confusion that worsened after she took Levoquin for a UTI. Her caregiver helps her to get exercise, like walking her up to the garden. What meds is your mother taking?
Before 'forcing' your mother from her bed, first you must get a whip. That will encourage her more. Obviously your pleasant remonstrances are not working!
Has she been prescribed "Must rise after 9 hours sleep" by a doctor, or is it your whim?
When I am old, I shall sleep as long asd I need to. If anyone has any different odeas I shall remove them from my will and leave my overdraft to someone else.
Why the need to control? She is old. Let her rest for as long as she wants.
When I am old, I am only 80 now, I shall; take all the rest I need. Heaven help those that try to interfere with my routine.
My mom is 91 and she sleeps till ten o clock and gets up. They do need their sleep and she also takes naps also. I go out with her to lunch and we have a good time. They need to feel needed and do things for themselves. Be blessed that you still have her.
My mother is in a nursing facility and does not get enough sleep because she is so anxious and nervous even with meds. I wish that she would sleep more . I think that sleep is good to a point . Try to get her on a schedule . Napping through out t the day is ok. When she was home I would get her up for all of her meals and then she could rest in between. We also had times when we would watch a movie or play games together which helped hold her attention for a while. It is very difficult. I totally understand what you are going through. Good luck and god bless you both!!
9 hours is not at all long for a 90yr old. Let her rest, she deserves it. At 86 we even allowed my dad to eat anything he fancied. The taste buds have gone and what was the point of rationing him at this age, unless it made him sick. So we indulged him, as long as it was within reason and he could manage. 90, let her just be, as long as she can still cope.
Robertray, my mother used to criticise herself for being "lazy" and "useless." What she actually was, was nearly ninety years old, with the full cocktail of health problems associated with congestive heart failure.
Recovering to full fitness from a broken leg takes a long time for anyone; and your mother is 92 years old. The immobility immediately after the fracture won't have done her any good - though it couldn't be helped, of course - and it isn't surprising that less than a year later she isn't herself again.
If you haven't already, what about asking her GP to check her heart function? Not with a view to treating it, necessarily, but to understand better what is happening with her body. I'm sure she does miss her usual activities, the shopping and the visiting, but that doesn't on its own mean that she'll be physically capable of resuming them if only you can gee her up enough.
This will sound odd, but it's actually quite a positive sign that she's even talking about these things: it's when the person appears to lose interest in what used to be important that you know depression really has kicked in. However, depending on what is going on in the background - heart and brain function - it is possible that she could benefit from medical help with this: another good reason to get her tested.
Why would it even cross your mind to tell your mother that she'll never again be able to do the things she enjoys??? There are plenty of things you can say to her that are comforting and encouraging and still true, such as explaining how the healing process works and what it takes out of an elderly person; or pointing out that when she feels so sleepy it's her body insisting that it needs rest; or reminding her how much progress she has made since last spring.
Are her friends close enough to make short visits worthwhile for them? They shouldn't stay all day, but if they can drop round for a cup of coffee and a quick chat - half an hour or so - would they if you asked?
You are doing terrific work supporting your mother and helping her keep her dignity, and that makes such a difference to her quality of life. Just be careful to manage your own expectations too, so that you don't get ambushed by it when she does approach her last days. May it not be for a good while yet.
I think you are right to not enable him to become more helpless. I think that you have to draw a line in the sand somewhere. My mother sometimes pushes me to do everything for her. I try to keep her as independent as possible for as long as possible. It's healthier for everybody that way. Atta Girl
Can we rally her from all the years of condescending remarks and secluded lifestyle? Probably not, but leaving her on the couch, laying down with little interaction should be balanced with socialization.....just not sure who the healthiest socialization should be with.
Has she been prescribed "Must rise after 9 hours sleep" by a doctor, or is it your whim?
When I am old, I shall sleep as long asd I need to. If anyone has any different odeas I shall remove them from my will and leave my overdraft to someone else.
Why the need to control? She is old. Let her rest for as long as she wants.
When I am old, I am only 80 now, I shall; take all the rest I need. Heaven help those that try to interfere with my routine.
Recovering to full fitness from a broken leg takes a long time for anyone; and your mother is 92 years old. The immobility immediately after the fracture won't have done her any good - though it couldn't be helped, of course - and it isn't surprising that less than a year later she isn't herself again.
If you haven't already, what about asking her GP to check her heart function? Not with a view to treating it, necessarily, but to understand better what is happening with her body. I'm sure she does miss her usual activities, the shopping and the visiting, but that doesn't on its own mean that she'll be physically capable of resuming them if only you can gee her up enough.
This will sound odd, but it's actually quite a positive sign that she's even talking about these things: it's when the person appears to lose interest in what used to be important that you know depression really has kicked in. However, depending on what is going on in the background - heart and brain function - it is possible that she could benefit from medical help with this: another good reason to get her tested.
Why would it even cross your mind to tell your mother that she'll never again be able to do the things she enjoys??? There are plenty of things you can say to her that are comforting and encouraging and still true, such as explaining how the healing process works and what it takes out of an elderly person; or pointing out that when she feels so sleepy it's her body insisting that it needs rest; or reminding her how much progress she has made since last spring.
Are her friends close enough to make short visits worthwhile for them? They shouldn't stay all day, but if they can drop round for a cup of coffee and a quick chat - half an hour or so - would they if you asked?
You are doing terrific work supporting your mother and helping her keep her dignity, and that makes such a difference to her quality of life. Just be careful to manage your own expectations too, so that you don't get ambushed by it when she does approach her last days. May it not be for a good while yet.