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I’ve posted several things on here about my mother and our relationship. Here’s one that has never ended and keeps going, food issues. As an adult male, my weight and height are in check and my BMI is well within “healthy”. My waist is between 33-34 and most men’s health magazines consider a 34 inch to be “healthy”. Depending on her mood and how I’m dressed my mother can view me as Obese or Scrawny. Lately I’ve been scrawny so she’s trying to fatten me up. She recently asked me if I ate oranges as part of my normal diet. I told I don’t normally eat oranges. Her reply was “Well if you did I was going to order 25 pounds of them from the shopping channel”? Her next question about food was Asian spring rolls. “The next time they come on the shopping channel what kind do I like” I asked her how many was in a bag. The standard order is 100. Anyone else have this issue? How do you handle it? I’ve politely refused her food ordering countless times.

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I like to shop at Estate sales & sell on eBay. Lots & lots of the Estate sales I shop at are from women (mostly) who were addicted to the Home Shopping Network and have hoarded homes full of boxes that were never even opened..........up to the ceiling in certain instances, where they've spent literally a hundred thousand dollars or more on 'stuff' they don't even remember they bought. And are now selling off for less than a dime on the dollar. Way less, in fact. But food is perishable, and 25 lbs of oranges will perish in short order and stink up the house, not to mention they won't do a darn thing to 'fatten you up' either.

Your mother needs to be checked for dementia as soon as possible.

My mother is 94 with moderately advanced dementia & has obsessed about food for her entire lifetime. She had me in Weight Watchers, in fact, at 9 years old as the only child in a room full of overweight adults who had to wear pig masks if they stepped on the almighty scale & it God forbid said they gained 4 ounces. To this very day all she talks about is her weight, what's fattening and what isn't, how she shouldn't be eating dessert, and on and on, ad infinitum. The dementia hasn't enabled her to forget about her food obsession, unfortunately, or to comment on my appearance or on my husband's appearance or the size of her a** on any given visit.

I don't know how you should 'handle' this issue as I've been pretty bad at 'handling' my mother's extreme food obsession over the past 63 years of my life. I'd just try to ignore it I guess, unless you see that she's actually ordering all sorts of crap from the Home Shopping Network. Then refer to my comments above and see about disabling those channels entirely before her home looks like a hoarding den in short order.

Best of luck
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Reply to lealonnie1
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Boy, that’s a lot of oranges! Sounds like she’s in her own world and won’t remember, but see if telling her that it’s too much food and it would spoil or get freezer burn before you could work your way through a bag, so that you’d have to throw a lot of it out. Maybe it will ring the ‘thrifty’ bell. But yes, keep an eye on her charges, as others suggest.
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Jhalldenton Mar 2, 2021
I do love oranges but sometimes the acid upsets my stomach. It would take me about 3 or more months to work through 25 pounds of them.
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There is some decline as we age. But telling her not to worry about your weight and not listening could be a sign of Dementia.

I am with Geaton about ordering from the food channel. That would be a concern for me too.
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Jhalldenton Mar 2, 2021
She's never listened to me about anything including my weight. We were at a restaurant one time and I was hungry so I ate almost everything and had dessert. After that according to her "I'm a big eater". I just hate that she constantly worries about me. I don't want to yell at her, but I really wish she could just stop fixating on this.
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I got more hung up on the fact that she is cruising the Shopping channel. If you are her financial PoA I'd be checking her credit cards and bank account for irrational purchases. You can't return food...

Also, you can redirect her conversation when it veers into food topics. Just change the subject as if she didn't say what she did. If she persists, just keep doing it. If she has dementia, it would probably work. If she doesn't then she'd probably get the message. I used to do this with my MIL who could not stop talking about her health issues (for which there were solutions that she refused to try). I just kept changing the subject and then one time after a re-direct she stopped talking and just looked at me and I could see the lightbulb finally went on and she stopped bringing it up. Good luck!
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Jhalldenton Mar 2, 2021
I have access to all her financial accounts and she's not spending a lot on the home shopping channels. I keep close tabs on all her spending. I bought her food for her during the shelter in place because of covid and she eats enough herself. I asked her not to get the spring rolls because I don't have freezer space etc. But I just can't find the magic words other than me screaming at her to stop worrying about my weight.
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The solution for a mother who insists on treating an adult like a child is to set firm boundaries - No mom, I told you I'm just fine.... I won't talk about this any more and if you don't stop I'm leaving/hanging up - and if necessary cut off or severely limit contact. So what am I missing?
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