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When I asked my mother's doctor (privately) he said " Oh she does have a lot going on right now." (Decline in health recently) If or when I need to have him to sign she is capable or not, I need to have it in her medical chart a head of time. I know what to expect from what I have read by some posted here but when does it start? Mother is generally a peaceful lady, but of late, she can ask me the same question an hour later. She has no UTI or nothing off on her blood work. Thanks

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Plus there are other forms of dementia, besides Alzheimers.

Dementia can creep up very, very slowly, doesn't follow a strict pattern and doesn't affect everyone the same way. But in general forgetting, repeating, personality changes, difficulty with sequencing of tasks (e.g. cooking a meal) are all signs of dementia. For the purposes of competency, a proper check by a medical professional is necessary. You should discuss her wishes with her and get her legal affairs in order now, while she is still able to discuss it.
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Pamstegman... Thank you. I noticed a lot of changes in mental state during the period before her heart attack (hence checking out NH's) 80% blockage in heart. Heart surgeon said she wasn't getting blood to her brain. I have seen great improvements in her thinking. She doesn't remember much 3-4 months before the heart attack but remembers everything else in bits and pieces since. She seems to remember Alabama life real good. Today is the day I approach her about the different paper work ...health directive, ROI and hopefully a new will. Pray prayers of positiveness.
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If she is recovering from surgery or injury, it does take a long time, months, for them to resume full functionality. Mom had a stroke and had visiting nurses for months, from May to December. She made progress. Winter really set her back and she agreed to try an ALF this March. She really liked it. We knew she had dementia when she put potting soil on the steps instead of ice melt. We knew she had dementia when she was hiding bills and not paying them. We found ashes next to the stove with no explanation for them. Rotten food in the fridge is another hint. Overbuying groceries. A skin fungus from not bathing. Really screwing up medications. Lots of little things that are more than just forgetful. The final straw was when she turned on the gas cooktop during a power failure, expecting it to light a candle. Very scary.
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If you have notice changes or odd behavior, start documenting while it is fresh in your memory and send it to her dr ahead of time for him to review in advance. Then make appt and have dr do a mental exam --specifically ask him/her to complete a mental exam for cognitive impairment. Then take her in. That's what I did and he asked mom very specific questions related to some of the paranoia, socialization, current events, etc. and diagnosed her with early dementia. Then referred her to neurologist to confirm. Mom didn't accept the diagnosis --obviously scary for her...but it let me know what I was dealing with enough to prepare some and watch for other signs, help manage finances etc.

Mom continues to live on her own and for the most part is managing. It's been 2 yrs. they can prescribe medications that some have found to help. They didn't help my mom although she wasn't on them long enough to give a fair evaluation. Actually, she went off all her maintenance meds ...she's 91 and amazingly she is sharper now than she was for the last 3 yrs. I can't explain that except to say she likely shouldn't have been on some and secondly she likely wasn't managing her meds and taking them regularly as prescribed because of the dementia.

I live long distance and don't see her everyday, so I would visit and notice major changes. Paranoia, confusion, bad food in fridge, late bill notices, hallucinations were major flags.

Get HIPPA! DPOA for financial and medical current and in order and make sure you have copies in your possession. Start talking to her about what she wants and if she has plans when she can no longer manage. See if she will add you to her bank accounts. Visit some care facilities on your own, then narrow down to 1 or 2 and visit with mom well in advance of her needs so that she gets a feel for what she likes or wants in the future.
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Loss of not just memory, but loss of the ability to compensate for it, loss of judgement, inability to troubleshoot even minor problems in daily self care or routine activitites - those things indicate early dementia. Losing the ability to do something way easier than what you normally did all the time would be a tip off.

When my dad could not play a game of Solitaire on the computer and he'd even managed to e-mail me and used to program in Fortran, I really should have known. How he HATED the word "confused" when he got things mixed up, but he could often relate to "memory problems" OK and other times you just had to go along with him.

Forgetting where you left your grape juice is one thing. Calling a loved one who lives 30 or miles away and is at work to come find it for you right away, or calling the police or accusing someone of stealing it would be another thing altogether. Forgetting to turn off the oven happens, but failure to react to smoke or the burning smell is something else. (I use a safety tea kettle myself!!) Forgetting your house key is one thing, but forgetting what keys are even for is much more serious. Writing a shopping list and forgetting to bring it with you - happens all the time, but just buying one of everything instead of coming back for the list or texting a spouse for it could be more of an issue...or not. We frequently have a few extras of various items thanks to one of us screwing that up! Keyword though is "a few..."
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You would need a Dr. to diagnose her but I always found that personality changes are a red flag. Everyone has bad days and everyone gets crabby but if there's a subtle shift in personality I'd get to the Dr.
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With my mom it was inappropriate behavior.....she became obsessed with the UPS man, she would call the kid next door and insist that he get up! She stated that a neighborhood boy was in love with her. Hindsight is 20/20 I wish i had known the signs back then. also I have heard the phrase it is not where did i leave my keys? but more.....what are these keys for?
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Short answer to Chris3265: Yes, its the dementia, +/- depression. She can't reason her way around things that are increasingly difficult, and finds it harder to appreciate other people's perspective or to have empathy. You have to learn to do a lot less arguing and a lot more redirecting and A LOT more not taking it to heart when she seems mean.
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Definitely get a POA ASAP. A durable POA is preferred because dementia is a slow decline and there will be many things your mom will be no longer able to do as the dementia progresses though, overall, she wouldn't be considered incapacitated. For example, my dad cannot make a logical decision about his cable plan (he signed up for internet even though he doesn't have a computer or know how to use one). I was able to change his plan to just TV and phone because I was POA (they wouldn't make the changes without that).
So, a durable POA is the most useful, but if a springing POA is all your mom will agree to, then it will do the job when it's most needed.
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Chris3265, I can't say whether your mom is developing dementia, but she is displaying symptoms that COULD be dementia. In any case it appears she is experiencing cognitive problems. That can be very scary -- terrifying -- to her. I think I'd rather deny that I'm forgetting things rather than face what is happening, if I were in her place.

Try to minimize the confrontations over the memory issues. Say, "Oh look! Here is that half-full glass of grape juice we were looking for!" and not "Well, here is where you put your grape juice." Avoid rubbing her cognitive problems in. At some point you may need to say, "I worry that your memory may be getting weaker. Let's have a doctor examine you and see what could help." I don't mean to go into denial yourself about her cognitive problems, but just to be gentle with her. She may be very aware at some level that things are not right.

Personality change can be associated with dementia. It can also be a result of anxiety and fear. Thinking that you might be losing your mind might tend to make one a bit crabby, don't you think? Try very hard not to take this new behavior personally or as if it really is directed at you. Consider that there is sometime going on in Mom's brain/body that is keeping her from being herself.

Be gentle with her.
Don't take it personally.
Bring her new behaviors up with her medical providers, and perhaps bring her to a specialist.

Will these steps improve her memory? Probably not, but it could improve how you feel about it and deal with it.

Best wishes to you, Chris3265. Please keep posting and let us know how this is going for you.
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