My parents have been able to handle their business up until this year I noticed a downward turn. The house was a little messier (but not bad), mom's Depends needed a bigger container and lid, plus needed to be taken out daily, and my dad is slowing down physically - he is her caregiver.
They also support my 48 yo brother, who has been unable to keep a good job in this small town. He has come to rely on their support. Years ago I told them that enabling him was not helping him. My dad told me just last year that he had been paying my brother's car insurance for 27 years! I'm fairly certain that my brother has no means of support if something happens to our parents.
My parents could take care of themselves better if they did not fork out this money on my brother, but they still have their faculties and won't change. My brother has asthma and a bad knee, and nearly died in the hospital last winter trying to keep the heat cut down in his trailer.
We are in crisis right now as my dad got clearance from all his doctors for knee resurfacing surgery. In recovery, he suffered a small heart attack. They then put in a pacemaker. In that recovery, he suffered a small stroke.
When they went in to do an angiogram, they found all his bypasses and stents blocked - he is 81 and probably has no good veins left nor could he survive a bypass after 3 procedures in a week). He has been sent to a TCU to learn to use the knee and implement lifestyle changes which I'm sure will include him stopping his consulting business that helped him pay support for his son.
I am driving down there to see what I can assess of the situation, but my hands are tied financially - I don't have anything to spare because we are also trying to spring my 24 and 18 yo (who is still in high school) into the world. The 24 yo has a part time job, and I need to get him to do more and be autonomous. He is working on his driving and is about to get his license. We have no spare money to help them with college, a car or car insurance.
(Our situation is not a failure to plan, it is having to live from paycheck to paycheck just barely making sure we have health insurance. If we had the means to save enough for college we would have done so. All we can do now is have the 24 yo pay rent and save that for him a car.)
I'm going down to assess, but right now I cannot afford another trip anytime soon, and I worry about things like talking to them about selling or giving up the house.
At one time I thought I would be able to handle things as they come, but not all at once, and I definitely have nothing to be able to help my brother with. If I were rich, I'd probably do the wrong thing and just house everyone, but I don't know how to handle such multiple and complex issues.