Mom sold her house last year for $160,000 and she has some stocks, etc. that I know that my brother can get into if he really needs to. I know that the $160,000 won't last that long. In a way, I pray that God takes her to heaven soon but how healthy she is, who knows. If she does start feeling better and can move into an apartment where we are, maybe that would be a good idea? She would be right close to us and we can check on her anytime. My brother is in charge of her finances and I doubt that he would tell me anything. Because he is her financial POA. My brother feels that she is going downhill and I feel that she isn't. Loneliness and depression can make people get dementia or symptoms of dementia. It's going to take her a while for her to get back to close to the way that she was. She was a very outgoing person and always on the go before she moved into the apartment with the garage. My brother and his wife just don't seem to understand that.
Folks that have dementia can do what is called "show timing" where some how they are able to keep their mind together and to you Mom appears to be just great. My Dad did that to me as I saw him only once or twice a week for an hour. It was Dad's caregivers who told me that my Dad was getting very forgetful and more of a fall risk.
Now, is your Mom living in Memory Care because she is waiting for a room to open in Assisted Living, then once a room comes available she will leave Memory Care and move to Assisted Living, is that correct? Or was she placed in Memory Care because that is what the facility assessment had showed?
I would vote on Mom staying at the senior living facility. That way she would be around more people of her generation. Some times it can take time to make new friends unless she is a social butterfly and has dozens of new friends by now.
What is nice is that the facility makes sure everyone is seated in the main dining room so they can all eat together. The facility will try to match your Mom with others of the same background. My own Dad was matched with a couple who were from the State where he was born and Dad was quite familiar with the city they were from, made for good conversation.
Believe me, if I were your Mom, I rather be in a senior facility then living all by myself in an apartment. Older persons prefer security and knowing someone is in the next room.
I have been around her more than my brother has since she moved into the apartment that she moved into last Sept from a house. She moved into the apartment because she wanted an attached garage. It wasn't a necessity but that is what she wanted.
Since she moved into the memory care unit, she has been around people all the time and has been getting 3 good meals a day. When she at the apartment, she was very lonely. Both my brother and work days. He is a school teacher so he has summers off. My husband and I would take her to church faithfully every Sunday. That is where my mom wanted to go.
During her time at the apartment, a couple of months after she moved there, my brother would start seeing some things that I would take as old age. She didn't know that he was her son, which she does now. But has always know that I am her daughter. She would make some notes for herself but never followed through. One time, before a home visit with her doctor, whom he never got to know, he gave her a print out of things that he was concerned about. Her doctor, who I work for, told me that most of his concerns was about right after she moved into the apartment. She sold her house in one day and had no time to prepare to move out. She had 30 days and my brother helped her to move. It overwhelmed her. My sil said that they downsized from a 4 br to a 2 br. She didn't see what the big deal was.
Since she move into them memory care unit, she seems to be a little better. Regular meals and socialization. She has been there for almost 2 weeks but it's going to take her a while to get used to it.
She know that we love her and want the best for her .
My sil has attacked me several times. 2 times, that I know of, she didn't tell my brother that she was writing to me. Tempted to tell him about what she did but that won't solve anything.
I will be leaving her where she is. My brother is financial poa and I am her healthcare rep. He was told that by me a week ago last Sunday. He wasn't too happy but oh well.
Trying to get in touch with my mom's lawyer's assistant isn't easy. I just want to find out when her will was written by him. The new healthcare rep form was completed Jan 2019. I can't get a copy of her will because my brother has it and I don't want to deal with his wife anymore.
Your mother was living independently in her house. She sold her house, and moved into an apartment - with a garage. Does that mean she was driving, getting about in her own car? Was the apartment attached to your brother's home? Who has been your mother's primary caregiver since she moved home?
Then... what. What happened, and where is your mother living now?
She is now living at a memory care unit/assisted living facility. My brother has no concept of her health like I do.
Not saying that he doesn't love her. I know that he does. He is a middle school teacher and has a lot of stress here. So I don't fault him for hardly anything.
Your brother may be looking into the future and not wanting to dedicate the time and effort to support your mother aging in place in that apartment. He may want to get her "settled" now so its not something he will need to address later. Or your mother may be reconsidering and deciding an AL where there are other people around, transportation available. planned activities, etc. would be better than a lonely apartment where she may still be mourning for her home.
At 88, I would not even consider a move into another apartment unless your mother is adamant that what she wants. It sounds to me like she needs IL/AL for socialization opportunities now and will probably benefit from housekeeping and meal services now or relatively soon.
"she moved into the apartment with the garage." Where is it that she is living currently? Above a garage? At your brother's? Please explain.
I would not take on the responsibility of your mother without having the authority i.e. POA both medical and financial.
Who Is us? Does that include brother? Do you live with brother?
Are you wanting POA instead of having brother be POA?