So the VA Memory Disorder unit was not as scary as I thought. Husband just told Dad he had an appointment and Dad actually went without a fight. We were asked to go to a separate room to fill out a questionnaire while he was seen. Then got together again. Dad was not happy about the Dr. saying he has early dementia, blames it all on his hearing troubles. Refused brain scan and Life Alert, said ok to blood test. Luckily he is in Senior Housing with cords to pull for help for now. Waiting for more info to be mailed to me about help. Now what? He refuses to accept any of this. How to convince him he needs help?
Hes also hard of hearing and refuses to wear heating aids, but he thinks it’s everyone else’s problem. If I ask him something such as why he needs an orbital sander and white spray paint at his rental unit, (he’s not allowed to do any maintenance) he yells “because I WANT it” then he spells “w-a-n-t” snd asks me why I’m Not understanding HIM! It turns adversarial....
i agree with another poster- do NOT bring him to live with you if you can avoid it! I made the mistake of having dad stay with me for 4 months on my living room pull-out sofa. It was a nightmare. He’s in Independent senior housing... in his own “space” and he can’t drive anywhere... but when the time comes... he’s NOT coming here. I now have bleeding ulcers and my hair started falling out!
There are Memory Care facilities, and although they are a small fortune.... my sanity and health are worth more.
Give him time to process. Don't be surprised if he never excepts the diagnosis. Tell him that some alerts are like watches. Wouldn't it be nice to have something in case of emergency.
My daughter is an RN in rehab/nursing home and says she tries to make the resident think they made the decision. Lets say the person won't take a shower. She will tell them don't you think it would be nice to feel clean and fresh. They say yes and daughter says so lets get a shower.
Eventually the tables will turn. Dad will be the child and u the adult. Then it becomes what he needs not what he wants.
They just want to live a normal life and stay on their own. It takes nerves of Steele and a stiff back one to stand your ground when the time comes to do what's best for them. Not a fun road.
If he's already in a supportive living community, you're already in better shape as a family than if you had to overcome that hurdle, too.
What kind of help does he need?
My father was diagnosed with "Early Onset Alzheimers" - he panicked - it never progressed in 7.5 years. Even the doctor that diagnosed had to agree that it wasn't bad - it just sounds bad.
I hope it will help you!
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