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So the VA Memory Disorder unit was not as scary as I thought. Husband just told Dad he had an appointment and Dad actually went without a fight. We were asked to go to a separate room to fill out a questionnaire while he was seen. Then got together again. Dad was not happy about the Dr. saying he has early dementia, blames it all on his hearing troubles. Refused brain scan and Life Alert, said ok to blood test. Luckily he is in Senior Housing with cords to pull for help for now. Waiting for more info to be mailed to me about help. Now what? He refuses to accept any of this. How to convince him he needs help?

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It’s a tough situation which unfortunately, with dementia, it only gets worse. I’m going through this with dad. I force him to take a shower or change his depends before he comes into my car. Otherwise, he thinks he’s fine, he doesn’t want to change “right now”... he will shower “later tonight”- which never happens.
Hes also hard of hearing and refuses to wear heating aids, but he thinks it’s everyone else’s problem. If I ask him something such as why he needs an orbital sander and white spray paint at his rental unit, (he’s not allowed to do any maintenance) he yells “because I WANT it” then he spells “w-a-n-t” snd asks me why I’m Not understanding HIM! It turns adversarial....
i agree with another poster- do NOT bring him to live with you if you can avoid it! I made the mistake of having dad stay with me for 4 months on my living room pull-out sofa. It was a nightmare. He’s in Independent senior housing... in his own “space” and he can’t drive anywhere... but when the time comes... he’s NOT coming here. I now have bleeding ulcers and my hair started falling out!
There are Memory Care facilities, and although they are a small fortune.... my sanity and health are worth more.
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Reply to Rattled
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Whyarewe Sep 27, 2018
So that's why my hair started falling out!!!! Been a couple of years since my father died and my hair is still coming out. But at least I didnt have the ulcers. Got to take our humor where we find it. Not that going bald is funny, at first !
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I am not saying his Dementia is caused by his hearing but being hard of hearing doesn't help. In looking back I realize Moms reasoning was the first thing to go. Then the ability to process what you r saying. I think not overwhelming him is a good idea. Is the brain scan an EEG? That can be done later. Usually its done every so often to see how the Dementia has progressed. They probably want a baseline.

Give him time to process. Don't be surprised if he never excepts the diagnosis. Tell him that some alerts are like watches. Wouldn't it be nice to have something in case of emergency.

My daughter is an RN in rehab/nursing home and says she tries to make the resident think they made the decision. Lets say the person won't take a shower. She will tell them don't you think it would be nice to feel clean and fresh. They say yes and daughter says so lets get a shower.

Eventually the tables will turn. Dad will be the child and u the adult. Then it becomes what he needs not what he wants.
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From what I’ve read, yes, hearing loss can contribute to dementia. Sounds weird doesn’t it. I think if you were told you had dementia (which is a loaded word) then you would also have reactions. It’s a bit like the grieving process. Denial, anger etc...but layered on top of dementia where the reasoning process is hindered. My dad was resistant for years to getting hearing aids. Now he can’t believe how he can hear. Places that sell hearing aids give the client 30-60 days of free wear so there’s nothing to lose if he won’t keep them. You might go that route. Maybe if you frame it that fixing the hearing loss can help with his dementia he'll try them. Worth a shot.
They just want to live a normal life and stay on their own. It takes nerves of Steele and a stiff back one to stand your ground when the time comes to do what's best for them. Not a fun road.
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When my mom was diagnosed with Lewey Body Dementia & vascular dementia, the Dr. told her, “I know you’re thinking that I don’t know what the he%% I’m talking about.” When we left and for weeks afterwards that’s exactly what she said. Mom was also very angry at me for “telling the DR. all those stories about her” and that it was all my fault. That was three years ago and most days she still thinks her mind is fine.
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jcares Oct 1, 2018
You may want to find out if your mom starts to develop nightmares, night sweats, or hallucinations as most LBDs do. If she does, you need to get on a product called brainglucose, otherwise she is going to cause huge problems for you and the caregivers.
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JoAnne29 OMG The same with my mother's dementia and hearing loss has her detached from everything most conversations and to me the rest of the world. My vain mother will not get a hearing aid. My mom does not think she has a big problem just a slight hearing issue.. Wrong!! She cannot process what her eyes are even seeing.
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Reply to Misseverything
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Don't try to convince him. It's a fool's errand. Just help him.
If he's already in a supportive living community, you're already in better shape as a family than if you had to overcome that hurdle, too.
What kind of help does he need?
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jcares Oct 1, 2018
I agree!
I think for now DixieCz just needs to watch out if her father starts to develop nightmares, night sweats, or hallucinations as some dementia patients do.
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Mild Dementia is not something to fight with your father over. Ask what "mild" means before you drive your father and yourself nuts.

My father was diagnosed with "Early Onset Alzheimers" - he panicked - it never progressed in 7.5 years. Even the doctor that diagnosed had to agree that it wasn't bad - it just sounds bad.
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I found a great article on this website Unforgettable.org. The article is titled, "Denying Dementia: What to Do When They Won't Accept a Diagnosis."

www.unforgettable.org/blog/denying-dementia-what-to-do-when-they-wont-accept-a-diagnosis/

I hope it will help you!
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Reply to richamj
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You're early in the game.  So now you know, and dad is in denial...very common.  And he's more cooperative then some.  I'd focus more on getting a good easy to use hearing aid, and love the folks at our local Costco.  We got my mom who has dementia one that has rechargeable batteries that are replaced about once a year and go in a cup to charge at night.  The brain scan would have been probably more benefit for the MD's than for the situation.  Stuff happens with life alert and pulls anyhow...You need to regroup.  He may not need much help right now, but it's good to know what's out there for him as well as yourself.  Touch base with your local Alzheimer's Assn if you have one; they may have some programs for those early in the game, and our own has a support group I've found beneficial for sons and daughters of those who have dementia.  Take it one step at a time.
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Reply to robinr
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Don't waste your time trying to talk to a LO with dementia. Move forward.
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