Have you ever felt like a dirty old bucket for taking care of loved one?

Yes, I know the feeling...... I seriously feel like just hire help who never gets paid.

To all those dirty old buckets out there. Your loved ones may not seem to appreciate you, be un co-operative to say the least. Poop the bed ten times every night but never go when it's daylight. Throw their food at you. Rustle through your tax papers just when you think it is all organized. Hides the remote. Refuse to take a bath. Lock the help in the back yard when it's ten below. Give your worthless cousin $1000 but refuse to sign a check for you. Behave like the sweet old lady she is and charm the new Dr at the clinic then try and get out of the car at every traffic stop. Call the grocery store clerk a green meanie when her change is less than $5. I can go on but you get my drift. BUT WHERE WOULD SHE BE WITHOUT YOU. Keep on luvin her

I can def relate...I go a couple of days without a shower and hardly ever get out. I have been doing this for eight years and I am so burnt out. I have gotten breaks when Mom was hospitalized or in rehab. We gave up our lives in Seattle to move here because family offered to help if we did. Haven't seen them but once in eight years. Today is a bad day... Sorry to be such a downer but the no showers and dirty bucket got me going, it hit too close to home

Here is my philosophy. In the end, when all is said and done, I will know that I did the right thing. A fellow human being needed help and I was there. You will always have the knowledge that you stepped up and did the right thing. If you believe in a higher being, you know will be rewarded in the afterlife. If not, at least you have the self-satisfaction of knowing that you were a great person in this life and, really, what else is there?

I thought it was just me. I've been taking care of Mom and her stuff while my life crumbles around me. I still haven't found the incentive to do something about it. I'm too depressed about "my life as I know it" being over.

Yes, I will chime in and say I feel this way too. And I'm not even a full time caregiver. I still work full time and my dad went to a nursing home 3 weeks ago. But it's a perfect analogy. As my dad's only family member in the area, yes, I totally feel like a dirty old bucket being dumped on. And that I have no actual worth of my own. I have to be dressed for work, obviously, but it's a casual environment and lately I do the absolute minimum necessary. I've had to take a lot of vacation days lately to handle matters like the nursing home transition, and then time off for surgery. I have been a total mess during my time off. A couple days ago, I met with a funeral home director because I am trying to have my dad pre-pay for his services. Everyone was in a suit, and I felt like an absolute slob in my yoga pants and old running shoes. Lately it occurs to me every now and then that I will probably look back and be embarrassed about the way I've been going around looking. But right now I can't bring myself to care enough to do anything about it! So exhausted!

I will join you all in saying that it's about time to get back on track and get myself together, though. Here's hoping for a better 2014.

Veronica you can start on your homestead dream with little money. I have very little money but following my dream is priceless.

Ashlynne I wish I had made a lot of money but that's unlikely in this neck of the woods. Lucky to still have a shirt on my back, but it was a lot of fun.

A landlord, nope, sorry, too much aggro. Veronica as a house flipper you can make an awful lot of money, which you've no doubt done in the last 10 years, so that $ is available for your dream.

Emjo I'm on a dirt road in the middle of nowhere in SW Ontario. A week ago it was -41, now down to just below the freezing mark or a bit above and the snow has all but melted. Tomorrow I can go pick up dog poop and give my furgirls a ball game ... they're getting fat again :)

Now what was the thread here? oh yes dirty old bucket and we are on toy boys. Do they still make them?
CM you could go to the pub, then you could just nod and smile - no conversation necessary.
Emjo I thought Central New York was cold but Canada? We considered moving north of the border but decided we couldn't afford it plus it was too cold.
Ashlynne I haven't given up on my dreams just taking a rest. I have brought and sold eight houses in the past ten years. Mostly foreclosures Govt owned. They have all been renovated and mostly sold but still have three renters who all consider the house their homes and desperately want to buy but of course don't have the money and are not always prompt with the rent, but two little girls call me Grandma Veronica. hint to anyone, do not become a landlord. Love to all

ramble on - you are in Canada too? I am frozen northern AB. 4 is balmy! Sounds like you have a good plan.

Veronica, don't listen to people telling you to give that stuff up! You go girl - follow your dream! I follow a number of pages on Facebook re self sufficiency and homesteading. Some of the followers have a lot of land, some little. Some are younger and physically fit, some older with physical issues like me but there are a ton of ideas out there and most can be adjusted to suit your needs. Concerned about the muck that goes into our food I plan to keep chickens, but just put meat birds through in summer as I question my ability to care for them properly in the depths of the Canadian winter. Sit down with hubby and discuss your dreams to see if he's receptive. Showing him research that shows that all the muck that goes into and onto our food is the reason people are getting so sick might help.

I'm almost 65 with a hip replacement (had it replaced twice) from an accident as a child, don't bend well and have a dodgy back. I live alone with 2 dogs and four cats and, despite initial challenges as the cottage was in such poor shape, I wouldn't give it up for a minute. I haven't washed my hair in a while because, frankly, my bathroom is bitterly cold (being renovated this spring). It was -41 in the wind here recently and the wind howls across the fields but, although it's windy, it's a balmy 4 today and I'll be washing my hair when I get off here. We do the best we can with what we have. Feel free to message me if I can provide any input that will help.

Countrymouse "Smoothie-Chops" really made me laugh. Can you get out at all to perhaps join a meetup group or do some volunteer work that interests you? I plan on doing some volunteer work locally come spring. I couldn't do Meals on Wheels as my truck is mud & dog hair and I couldn't do an animal shelter as I'd bring them all home ... Aaack! ... but there's a hospital nearby. I've been driving transport for dog rescue for some time.

I don't do people well but, living out in the middle of nowhere, I realize I need some human interaction once in a while or I'll become like that guy in the old tv show "Grizzly Adams" - man was he cute though lol

And, oh boy, do I ever ramble sometimes!

Right on ladeeM! I often sport a greasy ponytail and usually change my pj's after I have dad dressed, fed, pills and ready for the day. Since I'm usually cleaning something up or in the kitchen, I'm like, why bother. It's kinda funny, I always make sure dad is looking pretty good when we go out to the doctors, etc., but I'm always in beat up jeans and an old t shirt (with stains to boot!) Oh well, the joys of care giving! Ok kazzaa, you are inspiring me! I'm going for a non greasy ponytail!! Love all you guys there, Annie

Igloo I want to be Eartha Kitt. Or ZsaZsa Gabor, who "never hated a man enough to send him his diamonds back…"

I also have a favourite-ever cartoon by Geoffrey Willans & Ronald Searle, in one of the Molesworth books where the subject is "Parents at A Glance": it's of a hyper-hyper-glamorous lady decked in a feather boa and evening gown, dripping in jewels, curled on a chaise longue behind a side table groaning with delicacies and Champagne, and the caption is: "I was awfully stupid at lessons when I was a girl." You have to say it in a Joan Greenwood voice for it to work properly.

Sigh. Never did get the hang of gold-digging, but I can still admire the stars… Wonder where they kept their mothers?!

Not me (alas), Veronica - kazzaa has asked a chap out! A toy boy no less! I'm so impressed.

Smoothie-Chops next door keeps patting my head sympathetically but I'm not that desperate… Other than that I'd either have to brush up on my Conversational Milking and Fat Stock Prices or spend the entire evening in complete silence and hope it was companionable. But it's still better than the bad old days in suburban London when no one talked about anything except package holidays and double-glazing.

Was your husband worrying about the sander being used on anything in particular..?! And, come on, you know you Angels don't care two hoots about money - surely that's a well-known fact relied on by governments through the decades???

Well….. if you're the offspring caregiver, you can do nothing right.

If you try to help sort out your mother's finances or take care of ma's house, you're the greedy, grasping daughter (it's almost always a daughter) who's trying to wrest away Mama's little widow's mite and be a controlling witch.

If you don't, you're the callous, negligent witch of a daughter who stands by and watches as poor old ma sinks into squalor and poverty.

The question is: Which kind of witch do you want to be? (Hint: You can choose east or west. You will never get to be Glinda, the good beautiful witch.)

CM for those American weight watchers a stone is 14 pounds.
Ashlynne your cottage sounds wonderful, just the thing I like to do but everyone is telling me to give that stuff up. I asked for a cordless sander for Christmas and hubby asked in surprise what I was going to do with that.
Gosh CM a date where will you go in the wilds of Herefordshire.
What is all this with not washing hair people. It's one thing I really hate and I don't know why.
Jinx I have always felt like the front line workers were at the bottom of the pecking order. Firemen, EMTs and Teachers are praised but what about the poor old nurses. Don't we put out fires, save lives and educate people too? Tell us we are wonderful then cut the pay and make shifts 12 hours.

I sold my home, quit my career and started caring for my A1 narcissist mother (Parkinsons & dementia) in 2009 and from day 1 was literally housebound. She's been in a nursing home since November/13 and, until she had another stroke 3 months ago, was screaming at me down the phone most days and I frequently had to run down to the NH to sort out some chaos she was causing. I bought a dilapidated cottage on 2 acres and have spent the last year "in recovery" while I fixed it up.

I've aged terribly, bloated, scruffy and need to wash my hair as well but I'm starting to feel better now. The past few days I've been laundering everything in sight and shampooing the rugs. 2014 is my year to rebuild my life..

I like all of these. And kazzaa I'm so excited for you - hope this bloke is worth it and you have FUN!!! Don't worry too much about being shiny and polished: he knows what you look like and if he didn't like it he wouldn't have agreed to the date, no?

It's not surprising we feel like an old mop. This society may talk about our noble sacrifice, but they sure don't put their money where their mouth is! There is so much emphasis on looking good and having the right toys and being rich or pretending to be. Caring for people, young or old, is not well-paid or well respected. We have to reduce the cost of health care, but not by cutting the pay of the front-line workers like nurses and aides. I don't know what to do.

Thats great Bonichak! If anyone asked me out for a meal I would be showered and made up and in the driveway in 0.2 seconds! Please make this year a resolution to NOT cook in when asked out!! Do it for us! Im saving to go out one night for dinner soon! Your nephew sounds so cute. my nephew has lovely soft skin when I said to him what lovely skin he had he said "yes I do its great to be young"!!!!!!!!!!! he was only ten then! Oh I felt an old wrinkly!

I just remembered the last time I wore make-up....my 5 yr old nephew looked at me funny and said "Hey Aunt Bonnie? Where did you get those eyelashes?" He's a HOOT!

Well, I'm taking my own advice! Brother called, to take us out to dinner. I USUALLY say....no, let's stay in, and I'll cook you a home made meal. Today I said YES, and took a shower and am now........wait for it......putting on MAKEUP! I wish I could send you all a selfie, so you could see how Gorgeous I look (feel). Love to all my evil step sisters!!!! lol!

Hi sandy and oh yes, funny you brought this up as my new years resolution is to smarten myself up and get out more? I told my friend that i hadnt washed my hair in 2wks she was horrified then I realised yes maybe that is a bit much and had to admit to myself that ive let myself go big time!
So tomorrow is the start of my detox lose a stone and dress up a bit more as this is not ME even my sister made a comment about me not bothering to wear makeup when we went shopping?
I guess this job SNEAKS up on you and if I dont nip this raggidy ann in the butt NOW I will end up a baglady.
Ive just asked a guy out (im still shaking) never asked a man out in my life!! Now the long wait for the phone to ring!!!!!!!!!
I can hear Jessebelle laughing!!
Yes ive decided to take 2014 by the horns and just go for it i can go on like this OR change something?
I have motivation now to lose weight lucky im not overly fat just bloated from stress and worry and wheat so I reckon ill have slimmed down if and when he gets back to me.
Im taking no more crap from mum and walk out the door when shes in one of her moods YEP this year is about me my health and my happiness.
I cant believe ive asked a man out its so exciting and nervewrecking but ive done it and so what if he dosnt like me ill ask another one out!!

Have eaten my last chocolates from xmas and had a bath and facial! Feel ok but once i can put jeans on and not feel bloated ill be getting back to me!

Watch this space! OH GOD i hope he dosnt think im a nutjob!!! Maybe I am?

My advice is too make the effort to feel good this job STINKS and i mean that literally!
I will now wash my hair at least once a week maybe twice?

Yes, Cinderella without a fairy godmother.

Dirty Bucket AKA Cinderella group ((((hug)))).

Love you too Boni...... and yes Veronica, we love you too!!!!!!

And you too JessieBelle and you also Sandy22

So much love flying around who could not be happy

Love you, too ((((Boni))))

And Jessebelle!