How do I get over feeling unmotivated, due to being overwhelmed?

Hey ltb, you made it to July :-)

I agree with so many of these responses. However, I recently discovered by doing a lot of inner soul searching that my lack of motivation is due to the fear of succeeding in something else - other than "caregiving". I've been paralyzed for years and didn't really know this until I evaluated myself. And then I got mad - at myself - for letting this happen. I've been caregiving for so long that this is the only thing I know. How depressing?! For years I accepted the feelings that came along with this intense responsibility because I was too busy going 24x7 for this or that in caring for my parents that I didn't think of the impact from the feelings of: misery, stress, low self-esteem, guilt, anger, jealousy, resentment....and the list goes on...as time is passing by. Before my parents became ill and needed my help full-time, I was outgoing and ambitious in the workforce. Caregiving reduced my self-confidence - in doing anything other than caregiving. Today, actually, I ordered some self-exploration journals from Amazon which will force me to think about where I want to be in the next chapter of my life. I love my mother, who I'm caring for (my father expired years ago) so much but I look at her everyday and she's just absolutely miserable. She has no quality of life. The caregiving fog is finally breaking up and I panicked, actually, thinking about how much time I've lost in waiting for my life to begin - because Mom is the elephant in the room that won't go away. I've had it and I'm putting my goals a priority. I'll still make sure Mom's needs are met, but putting my life on hold is a no-no moving forward this minute. I deserve to have an incredible life and on my deathbed I don't want regrets.

To All,
I have recently been through all of what ya'll are experiencing and have experienced. It left me emotionally and physically exhausted after my Mom passed this April and I only had her with me 13 months altho I kept an eye on her from afar for a year too. My heart goes out to all of you. You want to be there for your parents only to find you are overwhelmed and burned out. Or like me feeling guilty that I didn't do enough altho I've been told to quit punishing myself by best friend, counselor, etc. I think for me it is part of my grieving process as Mom just passed 2 months ago and I'm still feeling the effects. Yes, I have regrets and there were days I didn't want to get out of bed and right now I'm still so behind on paperwork it's scary. But what I've had to do is tell myself daily "Baby steps...1 baby step today, another tomorrow." I also read Jesus Calling every morning to remind myself God and His Son are with me on this Journey. I'm grateful to have family and friends who are helping too. Also if you can get a good counselor to help you go thru the feelings you are having, that helps a lot. I wish you all well and God Bless you and I will keep you all in my prayers......

OMG your reading my mind. I have no words, I'm so unmotivated myself other than I appreciate everyone's words here.

My last post about motivation was addressed to ltb-🙂❤️💕☮

ACTION
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MOTIVATION


It's- I saw the above in a Self help book years ago. Everyone waits around hoping to feel motivated and then they could take action and get things done.. But, first you have to take action and THEN you will become motivated. Think about it: when you have to clean your bedroom, after a few minutes of cleaning, THATS when you become motivated. 🙂💕😇

Yes there are overwhelming burdens each day. I need to take care of so many responsibilities at home with my mother whom now no one now is willing to help me with. I'm alone and trying to care for my mother with ALZ. I have other brothers and sister but no one is willing to give me some respite. I rely on my God for mercy for my mother and me.

LorrieB-- it's like we are living the same life... Kinda cool how the universe works sometimes.

That's the worst for me too, just waiting. For the first one to two hours every morning, before my father gets up, I wonder "Will this be the day I have to call 911?" because he falls, has a heart attack, has a stroke, won't/can't get up, won't/can't respond, or just dies. And, then I think, "Who will do my tests at work?" I have no cover there. I think about every possibility but, after 2.5 years, he's still a zombie. I am so ready for one of the scenarios I've envisioned to come true.

Yes, you have clearly touched a nerve with your post, so you know it's not just you! My husband and I have given up income, privacy, sanity, etc., to care for my mom (82), who is now solidly in mid-stage dementia and now in assisted living. I work part time from home, and have constant feelings that I'm forgetting to do something important, not doing things well, not sleeping well, resentful feelings towards my mother for not preparing in any way (even though my siblings and I discussed that very thing with her several times over the years after she had to care for HER mother, and she assured us that everything was "taken care of") but the worst is that "hanging on a hook feeling" that demotivates me from making plans, looking forward to things, and getting things done. I'm challenging myself to address one issue or project a day outside of my normal routine, so I can begin to see some progress and change. I'm also making more of an effort to eat well (instead of comforting with food) and get some exercise, even minimally. It's tough, I know. I used to walk/run 3 miles a day, do weight work, was in good physical shape.

If I could redo any of the past, I would have dismissed my mother's wall of privacy and insisted that she show us exactly what she had in place for herself. We would've been much better prepared.

I know exactly how you feel. I've had Mom (dementia) for 18 months and haven't adjusted myself to it yet. For a year, we had no time to ourselves unless my nephew could sit with her. I don't like the responsibility of selling and cleaning out her home or paying hr bills. I'm almost 67 and retired. My husbands parents sre gone. At this point Daycare is giving me a break. I will be doing the respite thing to go on vacation. With Parkinsons comes Dementia. Maybe its time to evaluate your parents finances. Look around for an AL they can be placed in. Their health is only going to get worse. The house can be sold to help. The ALs here want two years private pay and then Medicaid will take over. You will still have some responsibility but not as much. Good luck.

I agree with Golden23. It is challenging to say the least. I take care of my 78 year old dad and 77 year old mom. They live with me and my husband and their 6 cats. I can't imagine being away from my husband and deal with everything. Is there any siblings that could help?? I think to ultimately save your sanity and have your life with your husband, it would help to check into some type of care for them. As hard as that may be. I will pray that you will have peace and a clear mind on the best route to take. God will bless you. Try to find the silver lining, even though it's hard.

Itb
So sorry you are going through all this. I was in your shoes after my Step Dad passed away and my Mom was "Home Alone" for a couple years. Things started to happen. Burners left on. Vent hood burnt. Water left on. Mailbox stuffed with magazines...everyday. Mom ran off cleaning ladies, Home Health, yard man. In hind sight Sis and I tried to keep Mom at home too long. Falls. Way too many falls with all that drama. Mom ended up in ER then by her choice to Nursing Home for rehab. There she stayed. I still had to "care" for Mom while she was there. Still drama but safer for eveyone! Mom passed away in October and the mental and physical fatigue remain. Please take care of yourself and not push yourself to the point of no return. Even those of us who consider ourselves mentally tough and physically fit would probably confess that we wanted to pull our hair out and stick a fork in our eye on several occasions during our caregiving journey. Dont beat yourself up. Hang in there!

I just looked over my mint records. I started back in2009. I see back then I was also helping a family member and tracking her banking and expenses as well as my own

I also wish I could afford a PA for myself.
The local AAgency proves a person to help pay bills but they don't manage things AFIK just monitor statements and help write the checks..
.
I have been using "Mint" at free program from Intuit. Amazing program and it is FREE, I track every payment and every bill. I created budgets and it sends me alerts for unusual account charges., The site includes advertising: custom tips for reducing fees and saving money.
Took me about a year to categorize and label bills and income. As soon as any charge is made to my CC mint has it immediately. Then I can sort and track every item. I am amazed it is free! I visit Mint every day morning and night.

Does the universe ensure that we get the empathy we seek? Like emotional magnets pulling toward each other? That's what it feels like when a topic like this surfaces. I've been feeling *funky* myself lately, and for me it feels like floating in emptiness with no anchor or destination. I gave my parents a year of my time (took a sabbatical from work) which is now entering year two. Looking back, we have achieved a great deal, in terms of getting them into a routine that works, but because it was all baby steps, it's hard to see the leap. Now I'm trying to introduce a professional caregiver for just two days a week, three hours at a time, and OF COURSE they're resisting, because I've been there for them for so long... and OF COURSE they want someone from the family, not a stranger, and OF COURSE I'm experiencing all colours of guilt and grief and wondering if my life choices are completely selfish and if wanting to get into a car and drive away is an impossible fantasy, but one that I keep having nevertheless.... and OF COURSE it feels like a big waiting game, because we're caring for people who are deteriorating and yet still deserve all our love and compassion... and OF COURSE it makes me question what I'm doing and why I'm doing it, am I that devoid of self-esteem that I had to put myself in this situation, or am I just a good person who realizes that we all need help, and I'm doing this because I would want someone to do it for me? Oh my, the circle of thinking that goes on every day... I realize that I'm not proposing any solutions. I'm just saying, like everyone else here, that you're not alone. And neither am I, even though it feels like it on some days.

I agree Karen. You might take notes of things you've noticed and take to the doctor. You might even slip it to him before you arrive. That way you can share things freely without feeling uncomfortable. You can read a lot about the symptoms and see if anything stands out that you have been seeing with your husband.

Karen - he needs an evaluation by a professional and then treatment if it is indicated. The right treatment can prolong his good years. Make notes of the things you are concerned about and give them to his doctor saying you are concerned about him. The doctor can arrange a referral to a geriatric psychiatrist or someone else who can do or arrange evaluations. In my mother's case, she had a geriatric psychiatrist who did their own evaluation then arranged for other tests by an OT and a psychologist. It was finally determined that she had vascular dementia and borderline personality disorder which we already knew about. After a while she agreed to take an antipsychotic for the paranoia she had developed and it helped to improve her quality of life enormously, Later on an antidepressant was added and that also made a big difference. The tests determined what her abilities were and what kind of help she needed. Wishing you all the best.

JessieBelle, ah ha, this afternoon I was thinking I wish I had a Personal Assistant to make telephone calls for me as I hate to make calls.... like setting up appointments that I keep putting off, but if someone made the appointment I would go.

Someone to do all this boring filing since I am doing all the financial stuff for my Dad. Someone to call where Dad lives and asks various questions that I keep thinking about but never ask... [sigh].

Karen1945, it would be best to post your post as a new Question.... that way you would get more people taking notice of your post..... they wouldn't with the title on this thread.

I think my husband is at the early stage of Dementia. Is there a way I can be very sure? Can I ask myself certain questions observing him, he is he is 73 yrs old but it seems it may have started about a yr ago?

Based on your description of your parents conditions, it's not likely that you will be able to continue to care for them much longer in the home by yourself. Your dad has mobility and short term memory problems and mother has Dementia and is verbally and physically aggressive, according to your recent post.....I would suspect that constant care would be approaching.

Maybe, it would help to take stock of the options now to see what is available. I wouldn't just keep telling myself that I could do it all, when that is not likely to be feasible, if they continue to decline. Maybe, that would also give you some incentive to look forward to the future and help you from feeling so overwhelmed. There is help available. You just have to accept it. I wish you all the best.

This funky unmotivated feeling you describe is exactly what I'm experiencing. I'm reading this on the couch with tears streaming and, alas, no potato chips. I agree with Blannie that the terrible constant sense of "waiting" is largely to blame. I read all 30 responses and I needed this today. Thank you to all of you. After 3 years I've recently had to pull way back on caring for my Mom and find now my depression and health is worse. This too shall pass. Love and strength to all of you.

Hi everyone! Thank you to all for the many the serious and fun comments. I am proud to say I set my alarm to do 1hr of paperwork and ended up doing 3hrs. I plan to evaluate everyone's comments, then decide what direction I will head. Again, thank you for helping!

Brownies A La Mode???

11.02 pm where I live, and the grocery stores are CLOSED........GGGGRRRRRR!!!

I will find that flavor and report back to you ASAP,!

Nitey nite, good people, good morning to you in UK,!

M 8 8

Mulatta- Haggen Daaz has a limited edition out right now called Brownies Ala Mode - so good! Since it's a limited run I buy it by the half dozen- worried each pint will be the last! Counting the minutes until I can get Rainman in to bed - no way am I sharing!

Jessie:

or WHAT! HAHA!!! Retired PA for hire..........put it in the classifieds. *just kidding*.

To the one that wants to run away...............want/need a driver? I'm game!

To the one with the potato chip thing, I ATE A WHOLE bag of NEW flavor "Pico de Gallo" Lay's..........oh man, they are hot & spicy, and I am not into salty stuff. I much rather hit the Haggen Daaz Ice Cream, and .................. I'm going to get a bowl, any takers?

M 8 8

They sound like they need a personal assistant to keep their affairs in order. PAs tend to be expensive, but a retired PA could be affordable.

I wish I could afford a PA for myself. Would that be cool or what?

ltb2parents -I agree with the posters who have said you made a promise to your usband too. It supercedes any promise to your parents IMO. Your heath, mental and physical is suffering and will get worse if you keep this up. Your parent's ailments will increase and their conditions deteriorate. Your job with them will increase and you are not coping well now. Sticking to a promised you made at some time is not wise for them or for you. They deserve care from people who can cope with all the jobs, and you and your husband deserve a life together. You can help them from afar, possibly look after their financial matters if you feel you can cope with that, but hire people to look after them on a day to day basis and look to what works best for the long term when their health deteriorates which it will ands so will yours and your husband's as you both age. I speak from experience. I am nearly 79 and my mother is still alive at 104. She is in a facility and gets excellent care there. In the transition time during which she became unable to live alone there was a great deal of stress which affected my health and I still suffer from the effects. I am her POA medical and financial and that in itself is a big job without doing any hands on care. The bottom line is that you need to look after yourself first and if your health mental and/or physical are suffering you need to make some serious changes to improve your situation.

ltb2parents, when I took over my parent's finances, there were bins, shoe boxes, trash bags filled with paperwork that hadn't been sorted, and hanging files with misplaced items, plus a half dozen 3-ring binders that Dad had. Oh fun. Something to do in my free time :P

The 3-ring binders became a huge help. I bought more. Each one holds a certain subject matter.... one for Medicare... another for Supplement insurance... one for the stock broker statements.... one for the senior living facility... another for credit cards.... another for misc bills A-Z... another for bank statements, etc. Made my life much easier. The binders are different colors... thus all the medical ones are black.... all the stock are navy blue.... the banks are lime green [for money], etc. New binders are easier to deal with then old ones that are hard to open.

I, too, had to gather up all the bank accounts and put them into accounts at one bank only. It was a nightmare because some old accounts had auto payments, and auto deposits, That meant I had to create on-line accounts to make changes. Now all the bills/statements come directly to my house.

May I ask why some of the houses are sitting empty? Is that to use for tax loses? Or are these summer/winter homes for your parents? Does the homeowner insurance know about this? Some insurance carriers will not renew the homeowner's insurance if the house is empty as it is now high risk. And if something happens to the empty house, and the insurance agents notices the house had been sitting empty for some time, they might not pay out. Oops.