Is anyone else feeling sad this Christmas?

I tend to get my depressions some time in Sept/October up to December. I definitely remember the past 2 years on this site, I struggled in commenting on the different discussion threads in Nov/Dec. Maybe because there's so many holidays that I see all these people get holidays, go to special lunches/dinners, parties and just enjoying life to the full. While I stay home and do my shift of caregiving.

I figured I need to start exercising and get more sleep (currently on 5 1/2 hours sleep). Find a great funny book or maybe just watch a funny YouTube videos until I lighten up a bit.

I'm more sad this year too. My mom and brother's are dead. My dad is 85 and has dementia. He lives 90 minutes away so my ex sister in law is living with him. He doesn't like her, doesn't trust her but she was willing to help him 2 years ago when he needed someone to be there. She has her problems, I worry about dad, I'm homeschooling a 16 yr old with mild autism. My daughter, son in law and grandbaby are in 6 hours away and this will be the 2nd Christmas where she hasn't been here. The baby just turned 1 so last year he was only a month old and of course too young to come. So...it's hard. I feel guilty because I want all this to be over with and I want peace in my life, while I can still enjoy it. So..sad, yes. Plus finances are tight and that makes buying presents more of a worry that a joy.

I'm that way too, JessieBelle - I can't sleep during the day unless I'm extremely sick. If I do, I wake up feeling horrible and have a terrible headache.

Forgot to answer your question, Jeanette. I think I'm sleeping fine. I have gotten into a bad habit of laying down after dinner and taking a nap. Then I wake up feeling awful. I have to quit doing that. It's dark early now, so I don't really want to go outside. Maybe I need to start an exercise program inside to keep me from napping. The nap isn't a bad thing, but feeling bad after it is -- not a power nap at all.

I'm sorry that many of us are in the same sad boat. I spent the afternoon playing games with some friends. They were so energizing that I wish I could have brought them home with me. That might not be a bad idea. The house is a bit like a morgue with a TV blaring in the middle of it.

blannie, I felt better just reading that you got that bad tooth out. There's little worse than an abscessed tooth. It brought back painful memories of the one I had. It hurt so bad that I spent the first night in the bathroom lying on the floor, throwing up with the pain. What a relief the antibiotics and endodontist were!

Sunny, it isn't clinical depression. I did think about this. I think what many of us go through is situational depression. We see others doing things like going to parties and getting married. Everyone seems so happy. Then we come home to a place that is barren of the things that people need to refresh their spirits. I think it takes an exceptional person not to be sad about it. I do envy the people who have good spouses to support them. It is hard to be alone going through this.

Are you sleeping ok Jess? I get very whiny and cry with no sleep and the world feels like it's ending.
I too will be glad when it's Jan 2nd. I don't feel sad nor happy. Lately I just feel nothing but numbness. There's a gorgeous tree 5 feet from her chair and I don't think she even notices it. Bought her a popcorn tin... that will be about it, oh and a lightweight transfer chair. Not cooking either. Why spend a fortune on stuff that she won't enjoy? I will order a Papa Murphy's Take N Bake. She loves pizza and if she's happy with it, so am I.

Don't you just love those energy spurts Susan? Haha... takes ages to recover from ONE day of energy.

Oh I feel sad off and on. Luckily I have another single/never married/no kids friend and we call each other every couple of days (since Thanksgiving) just to vent to each other. It's so helpful to have one other person to vent with and know that you're not alone.

My mom is getting Christmas letters (that I foolishly read) from relatives and acquaintances about "we went here and we went there and then we did this with this part of the family and that with that part of the family oh and we took this fabulous vacation here and we have 20 people coming for our holiday feast." I told my mom if I wrote a Christmas letter, it would read, "I played pickleball and took care of my mom." Of course there are a few more things in my year, but no trips, no fabulous get-togethers with kids and grandkids or hubby's family. No future plans either.

I've been out of commission for the past week with a horrible tooth abscess. I had it pulled on Tuesday. My mom can't remember any of that. I went this morning to shower her and she said she was too tired. I left and felt like walking away for a week. It just felt like too much. I had to use all of MY strength just to make myself go over there to help her and then she said no. I feel better now, but it really set me back.

So you are NOT alone. I will be VERY happy when it's January 2nd. This happens every year, but at least I am aware of it and have developed ways to cope (my friend being one). Hugs to all of us who are feeling down during this "joyous" time.

Sunnygirl1 - thanks - Jessiebelle and I have both been on this forum quite some time now, so we're not new to it or to the caregiving game. I think we both just needed to kind of sound off and put that sadness out there to get it out of our systems....and I'm hoping it helps.

How do you know it's not depression? I would speak to your doctor just to make sure there isn't something you need treatment for. I know that medication works for some people.

If it's not depression and it is being sad, then I do empathize with you. It's a lot to care for a loved one with dementia. It's the most challenging thing I think I've ever seen. Have you thought about getting some help in caring for your mom? Sometimes getting out from under the stress and pressure, even for a short break can you give you a fresh start. There is advice here for respite help.

My loved one is living in a Memory Care unit, but I do feel sad for her. Especially, when I think of the things she might be doing if she didn't have dementia. I attended their Christmas party this week and noticed that many of the residents still enjoyed the traditional Christmas songs. Some even knew most of the words! They laughed at the dancing and jokes from Santa too. They seemed to love the treats Santa brought. I'm not sure what they were thinking, but it seemed like a happy time. I know it was a blessing to me. Somehow it took away the sadness of seeing her condition. She was laughing and very excited over the necklace I gave her that had Christmas ornaments that lit up. She was also thrilled over the stuffed reindeer and elf I gave her. It's little things like that that can make Christmas time special to me.

Giving to others has always brought me pleasure. Maybe by giving back, you can get some as well. I'm not sure of your financial situation, but if money is not tight, giving to a charity or soup kitchen is always appreciated. It would truly brighten someones day to get a little unexpected cash or food coupon.

You are doing the right thing by coming here. There are so many great people who can support you and help you see things more clearly. And if you need more, there are hot lines to call. I hope you find some happiness this Christmas. Take care.

I meant to add in there that I realize every Christmas could be Mom's last, and I try desperately to make it nice for her, but this year, I'm just struggling. Hopefully this weekend, I can try to improve on that.

Very. I'm right there with you. I did get our tree up last weekend, and my brother did us a favor and put outdoor lights up (or they wouldn't be up, trust me), and I've set out a few little decorative touches, but I just can't get into the true spirit of Christmas this year. I'm usually excited and happy at this time of year, but I just can't get there. I don't know if it's the stress of living with and caring for Mom, and all that comes with it, or just what it is. I haven't made any special Christmas treats at all, and don't even feel like doing that. I'll try to do some this weekend, I guess. I'm supposed to go visit my grandkids and have a little Christmas celebration with them on Sunday, and I'll try to enjoy that, but I know I'll be worried about Mom the whole time. I have someone checking on her a couple of times while I'm gone, but I know I'll come home to her needing care. I'm starting to think it's just that I'm constantly giving, giving, giving - I host the family Christmas party every year at great expense, buy gifts for my kids and grandkids and for Mom, but no one seems interested in even giving me the gift of time - offering to come and take mom out for a ride, or take her for the day, or stay with her for the day so I can go somewhere. I can get them to check on her, but not to stay and make sure she's ok for the whole day, which is *really* what I need. I have had to finally break down and contact a local care agency so we can hire respite care for when I am gone for more than a day, because no one else will make the sacrifice to stay with mom like I do, day in and day out. And because no one is going to offer to help to pay that respite caregiver, that falls on my shoulders too - I'm sure they see it as my responsibility, since I'm the one leaving for a few days, but it would be a nice gift if they would help with that, no?

I feel like the house is overwhelmingly cluttered and dirty (it's really not, but I feel like it is), and that's not helping. I want to cook, bake, etc - but having 3 days worth of dishes in the sink because I haven't had time to wash them is preventing that. Working 60+ hours a week and caring for an elderly loved one can do that to you. So before I can even get to the "fun" part of baking and cooking, I have to hand-wash all those dishes. Our family party was 10 days ago, and I still have totes sitting around waiting to be put away. I had a burst of energy for ONE DAY and managed to get some things done, but then it was right back to no time, no energy, no desire to do it.

Ugh. I'm sorry Jess, that was just depressing. I guess I'm just trying to say I understand and can commiserate. I hope we can both find some happiness and joy this season. I'm going to try to kick my butt out of the doldrums (again!) this weekend and do some present wrapping and baking, so I can enjoy my time with the g'kids Sunday. I wish we lived closer to each other - we could help each other out and have a cookie baking marathon. LOL