Is anyone else feeling sad this Christmas?

Sweet mellow right on target. I have thought the same thing myself. A caregiver community.hmmmm, how could we do this?

Yes, I am very sad this year. My husband is 84 and suffering from dementia. He was scheduled to go into a memory care facility next Tuesday (the Tuesday before Christmas) and I just postponed his admission until sometime later. I know the facility thinks I am making a mistake, but I just couldn't let go. I have been crying for days. Our family tells me I am killing myself by not letting go and putting my husband into the facility, but I don't care.

I can most definitely relate to what you are going through. I know things will get better for you as well as for myself, but right now it is tough. I am sending you a hug and hope it helps a tiny bit.

FriscoLady

I wish there was a caregivers community like some kind of great house where every lone-star caregiver and their parent(s) could live and we would rotate care giving and overall give each other breaks. That way if you need to take a day or a week off to go remember who you are... you can do so and everyone else will watch your mom.... basically a villa style setup I don't know. I can't stand the holiday season. I am locked in with my dad and my siblings are both checked out ...they don't help at all. Everyone says merry Christmas like an instruction to be happy,,....I wont be kissing anyone this new years either..... the Holidays are a time I wish I good just sleep through .....I too look forward to January 2nd .....I'm twenty seven watching my youth peek and fissile while no one cares to help.... its so sad

Yesjessie, I too have my 88 yo mom, no children and brother passed less than 2 years ago. I bought mom a couple of gifts but she is oblivious to Christmas or whatt day or season etc. I pay for some help on weekend ,but then don't know where to go. Wish I could stay at my home without the stress. I have one good single friend and I spend some time with him, but don't want him to feel dumped on. I have one female friend who is married, so don't hear from her a lot.dont know sbout you, but feel alone most of the time. I wish we could get together and support each other.noone knows what it is like without family and financially limited.i do know how you feel and you are not alone. Where do you live?

Yea! freqflyer is feeling better enough to write. Christmas is looking better by the minute. Welcome back, girlfriend!

Every Christmas for the past 5 years I keep thinking this could be the last Christmas for my parents [93 and 97]. Usually my sig other and I would go out to look for a nice freshly cut Christmas tree, toss it into the Jeep, and I would spend time decorating the tree. That's real OCD on-switch to get the decorations all balanced and color coordinated :P

No Christmas tree this year. No energy, no time, too numb to even bother. Ok, I do have antique snow ball lights [saved from my childhood] on a live ficus tree inside the house. Took a mere 10 minutes to do. And yes, the OCD switch came on so I had to make sure no two lights were the same color next to each other :0

It's been years since we had Christmas on Christmas Day because of sig other's work schedule, thus we would do Christmas the Sunday prior. Since I was in the hospital this week and last week, my Dad said "well, there goes Christmas", yeah right let's throw some guilt into the situation, thanks, Dad. Christmas for my parents has been postponed until the 28th or there after.

Oh, yes. There are lots of us sad people out here just now. I really feel for our son. We adopted him when he was 3 mos old,but he got in touch w his birth other some years back. I feel for him because he lost his birth mother and later his birth grandmother during the holidays and now my wife is in Hospice and not expected to live past Christmas. I, of course am struggling but without the additional burden of others as well.

The holidays are the hardest time of year for some people. At 68, I try hard to put my mind in the meaning of Christmas because I am usually sad too. Our children are all hundreds (or thousands) of miles away. We don't get to see our grandchildren for Christmas more than every 3-4 years. I buy gifts for everyone and mail them, and it makes me feel empty not to see them or hug my children and grandchildren (especially when remembering my childhood when my whole family was together, four generations). The stores intimidate me with the overabundance of everything. I am lucky to have a wonderful husband and we usually are alone Christmas Day, but go to my sister's for dinner with her family and Mom. This year, I feel sadder because I think this will probably be Mom's last Christmas. We will be giving her a birthday cake on that day - she will be 100.

Can I go with you and Sandy, Brinoz. 8-)

Yes, I'm sure the Grinch has stolen Christmas from many of us. Just hold tight to "The reason for the season". Sandy22, I'm praying for you to find some answers. They are there,you just need to believe they will happen. Wish I was with you, I would give you a hug and take you to the nearest Sonic Drive-in for a Vanilla Coke

I noticed the same thing. Fewer decorations. I do dog walking and sometimes I say a little prayer for those houses who don't even have a wreath on the door as I walk by. They could have illness in the family, (boy don't we all know about that on this forum) maybe a death or a divorce or maybe all three.

I feel extremely sad and lonely, husband is 83 with AD, and I just do not have the get up and go this Christmas, I put one tree up as I had a great idea to do a Memory Tree for him, I was very lucky to win a gold 60 year old aluminum tree on eBay, in great condition, it has taken me since before thanksgiving to finish it, but he ( we) love it, has all his favorite US Navy things on it, photos of his family who have all passed on, Mom, Dad, Sisters, framed military pictures. but that's it, I have put no decorations outside, nor the 2 nd tree up in the foyer, just not in the spirit or the mood. I went out on my upper back deck last night hoping the lights on the houses would help to give me a bit of "spirit", there were none, nada, no one had decorated this year, is it really us, or is everyone feeling this? Has the Grinch (Aka ALZHEIMERS) really stolen Christmas this year.

yes I do but that's normal for me. I sure hope when you went out it helped you. I cannot stand how I feel nw im to the point where I actually ahyve to push myself and take pills just for me to get up and dress to look decent then I feel so much energy to do that for me I sit and just stare into space no matter what needs to be done horrible and here Im suppose to continue taking care,of mother ben doing it now for 14 years and im 100 percent lost hope you feel better have good day god bless sandyy22

A little sad off and on, but not my main mode. My girlfriend of over 45 years was killed last year just before Christmas and I am thinking of her. But mainly I am grateful for her friendship all those years, This year my ex mil who is a real sweetie and we have been friends for years has just ended up in hospital due to long standing heart problems and will be placed in LTC. I am wondering how long she will last and want to get down there and see her - probably between Christmas and New Year. I always miss my Gordie at Christmas and everyday. Even in his 20s he loved his stocking. But, you know that is life - and death.

Had a great long distance chat with my eldest son last night who mentioned "first world" problems and that pretty well all of his problems are those. I have to say most of mine are too. I can eat, I have shelter, I am not in danger of being shot at, or catching Ebola. I have reasonable health, mother is being treated, and will be moved to a new facility where I trust they can manage her. A friend's mother said all her friends either had lost their minds or died. It happens to all of us one way or another, one time or another.

Christmas Eve I will have dinner will my daughter and grandkids. I will be alone on Christmas Day as G visits his kids and grandkids and they don't want me there, and that's OK. I am still thankful for him and that he has them to visit. The following week G and I will do our holiday thing.

I try to keep my focus on the reason for the season, count my blessings and be thankful.

steviegirl, big hugs coming your way. I hate being the odd one, too. Maybe we can ask Santa to bring us a friend. Or many.

Jessie belle you are so not alone even though you feel it. How can we not feel alone. With all the hype to be of good cheer. Like you the past year was horrendous. Mom's Parkinson's dementia advanced and I did bot handle that we'll. My major surgery in March became more about her than me and exacerbated her dementia. Gave my boyfriend his walking papers. The long distance relationship couldn't survive. I'm sure he's relieved that I did it so he didn't run the risk of "hurting" me. It would have been 10 years this December so it makes this Christmas even more bittersweet. My friends here are all married. I almost bailed out of an Xmas party because I'm tired of being the odd number. I went and a pleasant enough time but I won't make a habit of doing it again. Too glaring. Making the holidays as pleasant as can be since it's just me and mom. No baking or big dinner productions. Lots of Turner Classic, Hallmark and eating easy stuff. One good thing that came at the end of this year is more in home care. I couldn't do it alone anymore. Don't know how long it can last because it costs a fortune and long term care only pays so much a day but baby steps. Merry Christmas to all of you at Aging Care. God Bless us Everyone!

A big virtual hug to all of you today! I went over and got my mom showered (she refused two days ago, which ruined my morning), so I'm feeling OK today. I'm deep in the 'cleaning out the old' mode, looking forward to the new year. So hang on...this too (the holiday season) shall pass! And we have each other - WOOHOO!

brinoz, it sounds like you have a tough, stressful week ahead. I hope it turns into the most enriching one of your life. Big hugs, sister caregiver.

Hi Jessie, Hey girlie I know how you feel. I am crying on and off all day long. Today I have to ready to go home to see my husband and family. It is a big job getting Mom ready to go, but I am going to make this the best year I can for her. Her birthday is Christmas Eve, so I'm going to have a party for her. Don't think any of my siblings will be there as they hate me right now. But my husband will do his best to help everything good. I just have to know God is beside me and will help me keep it together. Just know there are all of us praying or you. So cheer up and get those cookies made.

Jeanette, I just thought about putting your mother and mine together. They are polar opposites, so would probably stress each other to the max. "Why's she sitting in my chair," your mother would say. "Does she ever move?"

My mother would say, "I wish she'd sit down. She's making me nervous. I need another one of those pills," motioning toward her Ativan bottle.

Charlie, what kind of infection does your father have? Do they think he'll get his mobility back when it clears. Good thoughts coming your way this Christmas season. I hope you'll be able to spend time at rehab with your dad.

I know how you feel. I just placed my dad in a temporary rehab facility yesterday (he became immobile after getting a bad infection, although he was independent before) and it's just me and my mom this Christmas. I have no siblings. My mother is 90 and has some dementia, although she has her lucid moments. Anyway, I did minimal decorating and we're not going to exchange gifts this year. I've been living with my folks for the past four years as a caregiver and it feels strange not to have my dad at home. All I want for Christmas is to see my dad get better. But I feel very sad, very alone this Christmas and it's been hard to get into the Christmas spirit.

Although this thread is somewhat depressing, I really wish I had found you all while my mom was still alive!! You all are really such a caring, loving group of people .

Jessebelle,in order to come there, I'd have to bring my mother ;) hehe, careful what you wish for!!

Keep it simple and reduce your list of "shoulds". Be loving towards yourself and others.

Wish you could all come here. (sniff)

Sounds like a good plan to me, Blannie!

Oh Eyerishlass here's a big hug from one "loser" (as you define it) to another, LOL. I really have no where to go and I'm OK with that. I have been saving shows on my DVR to watch. I may or may not go over to mom's for a short time, but since it's just the two of us, that's pretty depressing by itself. She doesn't care about holidays any more and I've already given her what I got her.

We should have a virtual party on this site on Christmas day! No explanations required, just lots of good cheer and camaraderie from one caregiver to another. I'll bring the Diet Pepsi and Reeses' peanut butter cups. WOOHOO!

My mom's been gone for 7 years and my dad's been gone over a year and I miss them so much. I keep remembering the holidays we had when I was growing up and they're such wonderful memories. And while the memory of caring for my dad is very fresh in my mind I still miss him like crazy.

I don't have a big family, just my brother and his family and me and my daughter. My daughter is going to spend Christmas with her dad's family and when I talked to my brother about me going over there for Christmas he gave some weird story about how his FIL is going to be there and will be anxious about whether he should buy me a gift or not. I barely know his FIL and it sounded like a made up story but the gist is that I'm not invited to my brother's house for Christmas. This hurt me terribly. So I'm going to work on Christmas instead.

But like several of you, I too am depressed right now. More depressed than I care to let on to anyone. I feel like a loser who has nowhere to go on Christmas. I wish I could go to sleep and wake up Jan. 2nd.

Jessiebell, I can't imagine doing what you're doing alone. I just can't. I was the sole care giver for my cousin for just a few weeks, until I could get her into a facility. I run my own business and there is no way I could stay in her house and care for her. Besides, I couldn't control her. It would not have been safe.

But even being in a facility, it takes lots of time and energy. She's had numerous health issues, doctor appointments, etc. I can't imagine handling all of that by myself.

Do you ever lye awake and think of options? I do. There are none for me, because my cousin named me as her DPOA and HCPOA and she has no living family or friend who will do anything except for me. I just figure this must have meant to be a lesson I learn in life. Granted, I have learned so much from my experiences, but sometimes it is overwhelming. It's like my life is not my own anymore.

Something my cousin's roommate said to me the other day did make me smile. I took some gifts to the Memory Care facility where my cousin stays for her to give to some staff members and her roommate. Her roommate also has dementia. Physically, she seems fine, but there are definite issues. Although, I allowed my cousin to present the roommate the gift, she saw it was me who brought it in. She thanked me profusely, told me I was such a kind person and that if she could ever do anything for me, just let her know. I smiled. So sweet.

For me being a caregiver around the holidays was very stressful. Worrying about how mom was going to handle the day and the night when everyone left cause she was on overload. Some days I would have liked someone to come over and be on duty so I could spend the day sleeping. Nothing worse then being overwhelmed, tired, not as ready for holidays as we would like and a bunch of people coming over all dressed up and being happy and jolly. The only thing that would get me through the day is that i was doing it for my mom. This will be the first christmas without my dear, sweet mom and now that is a whole other story. I will pray for some peace and happiness for all of you.