Is anyone else feeling sad this Christmas?

I noticed the same thing. Fewer decorations. I do dog walking and sometimes I say a little prayer for those houses who don't even have a wreath on the door as I walk by. They could have illness in the family, (boy don't we all know about that on this forum) maybe a death or a divorce or maybe all three.

Yes, I'm sure the Grinch has stolen Christmas from many of us. Just hold tight to "The reason for the season". Sandy22, I'm praying for you to find some answers. They are there,you just need to believe they will happen. Wish I was with you, I would give you a hug and take you to the nearest Sonic Drive-in for a Vanilla Coke

Can I go with you and Sandy, Brinoz. 8-)

The holidays are the hardest time of year for some people. At 68, I try hard to put my mind in the meaning of Christmas because I am usually sad too. Our children are all hundreds (or thousands) of miles away. We don't get to see our grandchildren for Christmas more than every 3-4 years. I buy gifts for everyone and mail them, and it makes me feel empty not to see them or hug my children and grandchildren (especially when remembering my childhood when my whole family was together, four generations). The stores intimidate me with the overabundance of everything. I am lucky to have a wonderful husband and we usually are alone Christmas Day, but go to my sister's for dinner with her family and Mom. This year, I feel sadder because I think this will probably be Mom's last Christmas. We will be giving her a birthday cake on that day - she will be 100.

Oh, yes. There are lots of us sad people out here just now. I really feel for our son. We adopted him when he was 3 mos old,but he got in touch w his birth other some years back. I feel for him because he lost his birth mother and later his birth grandmother during the holidays and now my wife is in Hospice and not expected to live past Christmas. I, of course am struggling but without the additional burden of others as well.

Every Christmas for the past 5 years I keep thinking this could be the last Christmas for my parents [93 and 97]. Usually my sig other and I would go out to look for a nice freshly cut Christmas tree, toss it into the Jeep, and I would spend time decorating the tree. That's real OCD on-switch to get the decorations all balanced and color coordinated :P

No Christmas tree this year. No energy, no time, too numb to even bother. Ok, I do have antique snow ball lights [saved from my childhood] on a live ficus tree inside the house. Took a mere 10 minutes to do. And yes, the OCD switch came on so I had to make sure no two lights were the same color next to each other :0

It's been years since we had Christmas on Christmas Day because of sig other's work schedule, thus we would do Christmas the Sunday prior. Since I was in the hospital this week and last week, my Dad said "well, there goes Christmas", yeah right let's throw some guilt into the situation, thanks, Dad. Christmas for my parents has been postponed until the 28th or there after.

Yea! freqflyer is feeling better enough to write. Christmas is looking better by the minute. Welcome back, girlfriend!

Yesjessie, I too have my 88 yo mom, no children and brother passed less than 2 years ago. I bought mom a couple of gifts but she is oblivious to Christmas or whatt day or season etc. I pay for some help on weekend ,but then don't know where to go. Wish I could stay at my home without the stress. I have one good single friend and I spend some time with him, but don't want him to feel dumped on. I have one female friend who is married, so don't hear from her a lot.dont know sbout you, but feel alone most of the time. I wish we could get together and support each other.noone knows what it is like without family and financially limited.i do know how you feel and you are not alone. Where do you live?

I wish there was a caregivers community like some kind of great house where every lone-star caregiver and their parent(s) could live and we would rotate care giving and overall give each other breaks. That way if you need to take a day or a week off to go remember who you are... you can do so and everyone else will watch your mom.... basically a villa style setup I don't know. I can't stand the holiday season. I am locked in with my dad and my siblings are both checked out ...they don't help at all. Everyone says merry Christmas like an instruction to be happy,,....I wont be kissing anyone this new years either..... the Holidays are a time I wish I good just sleep through .....I too look forward to January 2nd .....I'm twenty seven watching my youth peek and fissile while no one cares to help.... its so sad

Yes, I am very sad this year. My husband is 84 and suffering from dementia. He was scheduled to go into a memory care facility next Tuesday (the Tuesday before Christmas) and I just postponed his admission until sometime later. I know the facility thinks I am making a mistake, but I just couldn't let go. I have been crying for days. Our family tells me I am killing myself by not letting go and putting my husband into the facility, but I don't care.

I can most definitely relate to what you are going through. I know things will get better for you as well as for myself, but right now it is tough. I am sending you a hug and hope it helps a tiny bit.

FriscoLady

Sweet mellow right on target. I have thought the same thing myself. A caregiver community.hmmmm, how could we do this?

I don't feel sad, just anxious and alone. I have virtually no family. DD lives 900 miles away and is involved in her life. Sis lives a mile from me and won't talk to me. DH has dementia and so does Mom in the NH. I have a cousin who I speak to from time to time. Some people from church invited us over. Sis invites half the county and the next county to her house for the holidays, but not me. When you drive by her house you see cars lined up and down her lane and in the pasture too. But not me.

And I hate the holidays. Dec 26 is my favorite day.

Yes, it is sad to see your loved one slowly disappear into a shell and your best friend dying a little every day. I am trying to make each day count because I do not think I will have another Christmas with my husband due to the newly diagnosed lung cancer + dementia. For our 30 yr. marriage, he was a Grinch at Christmas, while I have always loved Christmas having started my teenage working career in retail. My first job was wrapping Christmas presents, and I loved all the decorations in and around the store. But, this Christmas I told him he had better not make this a 31st bad Christmas. He actually wanted me to put up lights and a Christmas tree. We are living on borrowed time, but the little things I complained about three weeks ago (leaving the lights on, water running, etc.) do not matter anymore because I know he can't remember those things and so it cost a cent. My solution was to get solar! I see the widows on my street not decorate for Christmas and I don't want to be one of them. Yesterday my neighbor across the street called to say she opens her curtains just to look at my lights. That was so uplifting! There is no way in the world anyone can sustain being "happy" and bubbly all the time. We all need this "down" time to reflect upon our own feelings about life and self, and begin to see what changes we can make for the coming new year. So my fellow writers, I will be having down time from this site to give my brain time to re-energize my body, soul and spirit. I now have a green Kia Soul and it is so much fun to drive that I sing whenever I am in it. Singing is good. Crying is good - it releases toxins through tears and it feels good! So just have a Christmas suited to your situation, and do not worry about everyone else's. You are never really "alone", you have yourself. And when you feel lonely, go volunteer. Helping others is probably the best thing you can do for yourself and it cost nothing but your time. God Bless you all!

My father's birthday was Boxing day and we always did Christmas then. Since he passed 15 years ago it has just been a time to get past. My mother, 88, is in a NH (PD, strokes and dementia) and is pretty much out of it There is no other family and I don't know anyone out here much yet.

I love the traditional Christmas things but loathe the consumerism. The weekly flyers this week were full of boxing week sales and we haven't even got to Christmas yet ... stop it! A couple of days ago I took my dogs to the dog park and picked up groceries on the way back. Everywhere was packed, even the supermarket in a nearby small town ... madness ... and I'm not going out for the next week.

No decorations or tree as I just can't get in the mood and one of my cats is at the half grown kitten devil stage. I'll make a nice meal, eat a little too much, pour some wine and watch old movies by the fire with my critters ... a quiet country Christmas.

Starting to rebuild my life, in the new year I'm volunteering in the physio department of the local small hospital and I'm really looking forward to it. I'll also be volunteering for a dog rescue I support and attending bi-weekly small business owners lunch meetings I had to give up four years ago. On close to two acres, raised veggie beds and a greenhouse are ready to go. In all I'm really looking forward to the year ahead.

Wherever you are, dog bless you all ♥

I'm right there with you. I'm single with no kids -- everyone I know is planning joyous holidays and has family to spend it with. I hate the holidays ever since my father passed and this year, with my mother rapidly declining, is worst of all. I try to stay upbeat for her sake, but it is so hard. I guess it doesn't help that my health has been bad this year too -- and to top it off I caught the dayum flu on Thursday! I can't wait for this year to be over... I keep telling myself next year has GOT to get better. :/

Hope you're feeling better soon, Linda. I had the flu once and never want it again. It is awful.

I too am single, no kids. Seems to be a common theme on here. Altogether our family is pretty small, just my sis and her 3 boys, my brother is gone and though friendly with SIL and her kids we don't see them very much anymore. It used to be up to me to put on the christmas dinner and get everybody together at my sister's place, but now I don't even try any more. Mom and I only live about an hour from everyone else, but you would think it was up in the arctic for all the complaining about how far they would have to drive. Christmas to me used to be all about the magic of the christmas eve church service and a house full of family. I can't go to church 'cause there's no one to be with mom, and mom and I will be on our own just like every other day. I won't even get my weekly respite since that is always on a Thursday. Makes it kind of hard to be joyful.

Jessie, I too had the flu that had gone into pneumonia about 30 years ago. It was terrible at the time but got through all of the traditional hubbub of cookie making, holiday programs for three kids and all that goes along with it. As awful as that year was it brings pleasant memories of an intact family and the joy of having young children.

Christmas Day that year I was so terribly sick I could not get out of bed, my kids thought I was a goner and gave me their Christmas gifts early. I remember crawling down the hall to give my two youngest a bath because they were screaming at their Dad, "Mommy doesn't do it that way, you're not doing it right!". And my dear sweet mother wanting to come to help me get stronger and better. Refused he, she was always a hoverer when someone was sick. Still is. I would get more rest without her.

And the talk my now ex and I had about waiting until I felt better to celebrate the holiday. " Not on your life" I said. We wouldn't disappoint the children that way. This was the year my oldest, then 8, got skiis for Christmas and the year that the Christmas tree just would not stand up straight. Ended up having to lean it into a corner to keep it upright. The problem with skiis for Christmas is they cannot go under the tree. Do you see it coming yet? Well, skiis also need to be leaned into a corner. I am on my Death bed or at least it sure felt like it. My hubby down with kids opening presents. The squeals of joy each time another item was opened are wonderful memories. Even the screams of horror and dismay when all three kids are buried underneath the Christmas tree when hubby attempted to retreive the skiis leaning in the same corner as the tree. And the profanities from him while trying so hard to make his children happy. And I in bed with a collapsed lung trying so hard not to laugh because it hurt so much. All a very pleasant memory now, of times when things were so perfect.

This year really is the worst for me ever. Dysfunctional family, kids grown with their own plans. Thanks Jessie for starting this thread, has me reminiscing about happier times. And realizing that I do have blessings to be grateful for.

We all seem to have so much in common one way or another. My mother has been in he NH for more than two years, pretty much bed ridden now and mostly out of it. The NH is family owned and operated. The staff are wonderful, some having been there 40 years. I visit twice a week to make sure my mother has all she needs and each time I notice how much all the residents have deteriorated due to advanced age and physical/mental issues.. There's a lot more screaming, yelling and fighting with the nurses now as mental faculties diminish or totally disappear. Witnessing first hand the decline in the residents has made me bound and determined to do what I please when I please so long as I don' hurt anyone else. It really makes you value each and every day.

Wherever you are and whatever your circumstances I hope you can each find a little something special over Christmas, even just a little me time to sip a glass of wine, eat favourite treats in peace and quiet. Come the morning of Boxing day I'll wish my dad happy birthday even though he's been gone so many years. He was so special and I know he's never very far away. He's been gone 15 years but I always get so sad at this time of year, remembering times spent with him...

oh yes...can relate to your sadness. It hit me hard right before Thanksgiving. I was so blue I was nearly in tears at work, at lunch. Its hard hearing about everyone's holiday plans, all their families gathering etc while its just me and my elderly parents, and one with middle stage Alzheimer's at that so she just sits there repeating and not knowing what is going on. Its just another groundhog day.

Then, for some reason, I had a spark. I realized I was "burying" my mother before she is actually gone. I know she is not the same person and will never e again but physically she is still with us. So, I decided to celebrate what is left of our family. It really helped to shift my mood.

I never envisioned this future. I thought my grown kids would live in state, I'd be surrounded by grandchildren and perhaps a new husband along with his extended family. Shades of Brady Bunch LOL well this is the life I have and its not that!

Instead of trying to wear myself out, I decided bakery cookies will suffice. My mother is a diabetic anyway so best not to have so many sweets around. I'll make a special holiday bread (or maybe not). We're not fussing for dinner either. In fact, we're doing a southern type of bbq with ribs, corn pudding, sweet potatoes etc For a holiday effect, I'll throw in some cranberry sauce too. Its not about being exhausted and cooking all day anymore. When we look back, its really the memories of people isn't it?

Don't let the feeling of duty and obligation weigh you down. As for presents, well i noticed my mom's purse was fraying so I got her a new one. She won't remember the old one and won't remember I got her a new one but I know.

Life goes on, January will come. My next bummer holiday is Valentine's but after that its smooth sailing until...oh yea Easter...we live in a world full of holidays, peopel with families, loving spouses etc. and those of us who don't have that have to find some way to cope--or just sip more eggnog.

Blessings to all of you. I too have some sadness (I miss my sister and my mom), but so much of it is a certain "longing" around this time of year. Some songs, or movies are especially touching and bring tears. I think some of it is just feelings that conjure up nice memories of loved ones gone by. It's not a bad thing, rather something "in the moment". If these feelings did not go away, then I would be concerned. I am a very sensitive person anyway, so it doesn't take much to get me to the emotional state. I'm glad that I'm made this way because if I weren't, then maybe I wouldn't care about things as much. I am very blessed with my family and friends, and pray every day for my family, friends, elderly, homeless, sick, and especially for those serving in the military. I think that whatever my circumstances are, it could be much worse. I try to go with that thought each day. Happy holidays (Merry Christmas, Happy Hunnakah (sp?) Kwanza, and more) to all of you.

NJCinderella I couldn't have said it better myself. Thank you from us all ♥

This year, my mood is more equanimous (word of the day! lol) and optimistic than last year. After a lot of drama, things have settled, so I'm appreciating the calm.
I'm married, no kids, and bare minimum contact w/brother and mother w/dementia. Husband's family is across the country--I love to visit them, but that won't happen until March 2015 probably. He did a lot of decorating w/lights outside this year, but yesterday we were planning on finally getting a tree, and it didn't happen! I'm not disappointed though. Que sera sera :) We pulled out our supply of Christmas decor and our small house is now Christmas-ified.

I'm watching some Classic Christmas movies, enjoying nature, and am getting a head start, thinking about 2015 resolutions.

I'm completely ignoring the mall, car commercials (are they NUTS??? Who gets a new car with a big BOW on it, in their driveway, on Christmas anyway??), and anything that triggers too much cynicism.

thank you so much Cinderella, you made my day & maybe a few more too!

Just ran across this video. I know the link may not stay up, but maybe a few can see it. You have to watch it through to see why it is relevant to caregiving. It is a wonderful thought for Christmas.

madworldnews/homeless-man-100-bought/

Write off the sad feelings: I think this helped me a lot. Get a long piece of paper and somewhere you can be private, make yourself a comforting cup of tea or whatever, and write down the ugliest, saddest, depressing feelings you can get in touch with within yourself. Don't go into why, or incidents, or anything. This is just a way to be in touch with taking care of your emotions. No one will read it because as soon as you are done, you will finish your comforting tea, crumple the paper or rip it up into many small pieces and then throw them out in a safe place. SAFE place is important. Live with what you discovered about your feelings for a few days.

Then, make a list of things you WANT to feel or other feelings you have that make you feel good. On another page write activities, attitudes, things to overcome in yourself that you can change. For me I can work on my patience, overcome sensitivity, not indulge in self-pity, become the mother to myself I would have liked to have or long for now, etc...

I think it is empowering to see what you CAN change. It's also good to be in touch with the feelings within yourself that have been taboo. That's pretty much what we do on this site.

I hope everyone finds the magical moment of joy this time of year. No matter how grumpy and resentful I get about this and that, (I can't afford this, my mother's attitude sucks, etc) once I get past all this stuff, I find myself in a loving and giving place. I shall be joyous and loving within, no matter what!

We are indestructible spiritually rich angels! :)

PS: A saint is a sinner who never gave up.

Jessie what a humbling video Thank you

He was so articulate, and how he got this way didn't surprise me at all. What he did with the money did surprise me. I knew I wouldn't have been able to do that. I would have thought of my own needs, to tell the truth.

Wonderful video and immediately made me think of another thread where the son is being kicked out of his mom's apartment. His story is different (mental illness), but close enough that it made me think of him. The man in this video was very articulate and I hope he can get back on his feet. Thanks for sharing it JessieBelle.