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I have this feeling of sadness in the pit of my stomach. I know it is okay to feel it. My mother is a rattled shell of herself and my brothers are busy with their own lives. It is just my mother and me, so it feels like I am living in a world of nothingness. I have three Christmas gifts I still need to buy, cookies and candies to make, and a meal to prepare. I know I will get it done. I don't feel stress or excitement -- just the sadness. I plan to go out this afternoon, hoping it will pick me up some. I'm afraid I'll just radiate the sadness around me. It's not clinical depression. I've been through that before. It is just a sadness that feels like tears are about to come.

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A little sad off and on, but not my main mode. My girlfriend of over 45 years was killed last year just before Christmas and I am thinking of her. But mainly I am grateful for her friendship all those years, This year my ex mil who is a real sweetie and we have been friends for years has just ended up in hospital due to long standing heart problems and will be placed in LTC. I am wondering how long she will last and want to get down there and see her - probably between Christmas and New Year. I always miss my Gordie at Christmas and everyday. Even in his 20s he loved his stocking. But, you know that is life - and death.

Had a great long distance chat with my eldest son last night who mentioned "first world" problems and that pretty well all of his problems are those. I have to say most of mine are too. I can eat, I have shelter, I am not in danger of being shot at, or catching Ebola. I have reasonable health, mother is being treated, and will be moved to a new facility where I trust they can manage her. A friend's mother said all her friends either had lost their minds or died. It happens to all of us one way or another, one time or another.

Christmas Eve I will have dinner will my daughter and grandkids. I will be alone on Christmas Day as G visits his kids and grandkids and they don't want me there, and that's OK. I am still thankful for him and that he has them to visit. The following week G and I will do our holiday thing.

I try to keep my focus on the reason for the season, count my blessings and be thankful.
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oh yes...can relate to your sadness. It hit me hard right before Thanksgiving. I was so blue I was nearly in tears at work, at lunch. Its hard hearing about everyone's holiday plans, all their families gathering etc while its just me and my elderly parents, and one with middle stage Alzheimer's at that so she just sits there repeating and not knowing what is going on. Its just another groundhog day.

Then, for some reason, I had a spark. I realized I was "burying" my mother before she is actually gone. I know she is not the same person and will never e again but physically she is still with us. So, I decided to celebrate what is left of our family. It really helped to shift my mood.

I never envisioned this future. I thought my grown kids would live in state, I'd be surrounded by grandchildren and perhaps a new husband along with his extended family. Shades of Brady Bunch LOL well this is the life I have and its not that!

Instead of trying to wear myself out, I decided bakery cookies will suffice. My mother is a diabetic anyway so best not to have so many sweets around. I'll make a special holiday bread (or maybe not). We're not fussing for dinner either. In fact, we're doing a southern type of bbq with ribs, corn pudding, sweet potatoes etc For a holiday effect, I'll throw in some cranberry sauce too. Its not about being exhausted and cooking all day anymore. When we look back, its really the memories of people isn't it?

Don't let the feeling of duty and obligation weigh you down. As for presents, well i noticed my mom's purse was fraying so I got her a new one. She won't remember the old one and won't remember I got her a new one but I know.

Life goes on, January will come. My next bummer holiday is Valentine's but after that its smooth sailing until...oh yea Easter...we live in a world full of holidays, peopel with families, loving spouses etc. and those of us who don't have that have to find some way to cope--or just sip more eggnog.
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Although this thread is somewhat depressing, I really wish I had found you all while my mom was still alive!! You all are really such a caring, loving group of people .
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Oh I feel sad off and on. Luckily I have another single/never married/no kids friend and we call each other every couple of days (since Thanksgiving) just to vent to each other. It's so helpful to have one other person to vent with and know that you're not alone.

My mom is getting Christmas letters (that I foolishly read) from relatives and acquaintances about "we went here and we went there and then we did this with this part of the family and that with that part of the family oh and we took this fabulous vacation here and we have 20 people coming for our holiday feast." I told my mom if I wrote a Christmas letter, it would read, "I played pickleball and took care of my mom." Of course there are a few more things in my year, but no trips, no fabulous get-togethers with kids and grandkids or hubby's family. No future plans either.

I've been out of commission for the past week with a horrible tooth abscess. I had it pulled on Tuesday. My mom can't remember any of that. I went this morning to shower her and she said she was too tired. I left and felt like walking away for a week. It just felt like too much. I had to use all of MY strength just to make myself go over there to help her and then she said no. I feel better now, but it really set me back.

So you are NOT alone. I will be VERY happy when it's January 2nd. This happens every year, but at least I am aware of it and have developed ways to cope (my friend being one). Hugs to all of us who are feeling down during this "joyous" time.
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Oh Eyerishlass here's a big hug from one "loser" (as you define it) to another, LOL. I really have no where to go and I'm OK with that. I have been saving shows on my DVR to watch. I may or may not go over to mom's for a short time, but since it's just the two of us, that's pretty depressing by itself. She doesn't care about holidays any more and I've already given her what I got her.

We should have a virtual party on this site on Christmas day! No explanations required, just lots of good cheer and camaraderie from one caregiver to another. I'll bring the Diet Pepsi and Reeses' peanut butter cups. WOOHOO!
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I'm sorry that many of us are in the same sad boat. I spent the afternoon playing games with some friends. They were so energizing that I wish I could have brought them home with me. That might not be a bad idea. The house is a bit like a morgue with a TV blaring in the middle of it.

blannie, I felt better just reading that you got that bad tooth out. There's little worse than an abscessed tooth. It brought back painful memories of the one I had. It hurt so bad that I spent the first night in the bathroom lying on the floor, throwing up with the pain. What a relief the antibiotics and endodontist were!

Sunny, it isn't clinical depression. I did think about this. I think what many of us go through is situational depression. We see others doing things like going to parties and getting married. Everyone seems so happy. Then we come home to a place that is barren of the things that people need to refresh their spirits. I think it takes an exceptional person not to be sad about it. I do envy the people who have good spouses to support them. It is hard to be alone going through this.
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I'm more sad this year too. My mom and brother's are dead. My dad is 85 and has dementia. He lives 90 minutes away so my ex sister in law is living with him. He doesn't like her, doesn't trust her but she was willing to help him 2 years ago when he needed someone to be there. She has her problems, I worry about dad, I'm homeschooling a 16 yr old with mild autism. My daughter, son in law and grandbaby are in 6 hours away and this will be the 2nd Christmas where she hasn't been here. The baby just turned 1 so last year he was only a month old and of course too young to come. So...it's hard. I feel guilty because I want all this to be over with and I want peace in my life, while I can still enjoy it. So..sad, yes. Plus finances are tight and that makes buying presents more of a worry that a joy.
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With the help of God and my counselor I have avoided taking my life. But I'm tired and spent emotionally and physically. The site is the best help I find now. Thanks all of you loving caregivers. It is nice to know I'm not alone in my pain.
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I tend to get my depressions some time in Sept/October up to December. I definitely remember the past 2 years on this site, I struggled in commenting on the different discussion threads in Nov/Dec. Maybe because there's so many holidays that I see all these people get holidays, go to special lunches/dinners, parties and just enjoying life to the full. While I stay home and do my shift of caregiving.

I figured I need to start exercising and get more sleep (currently on 5 1/2 hours sleep). Find a great funny book or maybe just watch a funny YouTube videos until I lighten up a bit.
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It's 1.30 a.m. Christmas eve/Christmas morning. Strangely, here in SW Ontario we have no snow but it's been raining all day and the wind is howling across the fields. My dad passed 15 years ago (his birthday was boxing day), my mother is in a nursing home and out of it. There's no other family so it's just me and my critters.

"Nothing is stirring, not even a mouse" ... all the critters are sleeping and I guess I should get to bed but I haven't been sleeping well the past week. I don't have the Christmas spirit but I'm not sad or lonely either, just seeming to trudge through each day until the start of a new year. In the past couple of days a friend lost her mother and another friend lost her beloved old dog.

I've prepared the trimmings, I'll roast the turkey and continue painting the bathroom. For so many Christmas is just a time to get past the best we can.
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