I've lived on west coast for nearly 40 years-my family lives on the east coast. Over the years my parents have developed health issues; now my mom has CHF and her prognosis is not good, My dad suffers from Parkinson's & is wheelchair bound but healthwise he's in better shape than her. My brother, their POA, retired to become their PCA and he has some but not nearly enough help. I'm still working and want to retire within the next year. I've held off because I need a knee replacement operation & I want to have it done while I have full medical coverage (which I won't have upon retirement). I'm in my early 60's, so I'm not eligible for Medicare yet.
My mom has been in/out the hospital several times within the past 8 months & I've traveled back east several times this year to spend time with her. I was just with her two weeks ago (she was hospitalized at the time). I called to check on her today only to get a tongue lashing from my aunt about how I should be there helping out, how my mother traveled to see me when I had medical issues, now it's my turn, you've only got one mother, etc....in other words the essential guilt trip. While I'm not hands on care, I do take care of my parent's account finances but I am aware that my brother has the difficult job because he's on call 24 hours.
Now I really feel guilty, torn, indecisive....... should I take a LOA for a couple of months or should I move up my surgery date (from Jan to Nov). I want to be there to support my family yet take care of my responsibilities as well. My orthopedic surgeon, back in April, told me to get the replacement done sooner than later-I should've had it done over the summer, but I waited in case my mom's health condition changed for the worse.
thanks for letting me exhale a bit............
Please don't put it off. It will help Noone if your knee gives out at the airport or your parents home 3000 miles from your home!
I am shocked by those saying to delay it against your doctor's advice!
It is not smart advice or will it help your parents if it causes a health emergency of your own!
I am in your boat. It can feel bad to be so far. My mom won't move to west coast she loves new England! But I love the West and my home and my family here. I make certain she has good care. Family on the ground there support but not overwhelmed .
Mare that kind of plan.
I am a firm believer in "first hand information" rather than the telephone tree.
I recommend calling up your brother directly or better still, Skype. Deal with him
directly.
Tell him your scenario about your knee. Ask him flat out, what can I do for you and "our" parents from the West Coast? Do you need $$$? Do you need a cleaning person? Do you need grocery delivery? Do you need some gas cards?
Can I send you a check? That's all people really want. They want to be heard and supported.
I'm the "Aunt" with the 10 nieces and nephews. There's not enough minutes in our family to iron everything out. "Go to the source" your brother and deal directly and this way here he knows you have his back. I'm the Aunt who said, remember all of the Polly Flinders dresses, basketball camp, Disney World, designer clothes, porcelain dolls, theater, swim lessons, etc. You get it. I threw everything in their face. Remember the time I......yada, yada, yada. I'm trying to make everyone laugh here.
Then one day I had an "aha moment". I said stay focused, say things once, whatever they want to do is up them. They are adults. Build your network and stay off the phone.
I feel better now...I hope you do too.