Anyone else feeling depressed?

When the weather gets warmer I will take mom outside-when she will go. She doesnt like change even just walking out of her room and complains her hip hurts whenever I tey to persuade her to walk down the hall.

There is nothing like watching your parents age and die to bring on a sense of your own mortality. It is a huge mental adjustment, even if you can come to terms with it. At some point, you realize that you have to stop thinking about how it might be the last time you will do ____ or that your time is limited, or that you won't get to do everything you ever hoped, and get back to focusing on living well. Being around or even just seeing elders who are active and vital people helps and I've decided I will be like that. And though I am supposed to be thinking about retirement (I'm 58), other than necessary planning, I absolutely refuse; in fact I am busy learning about a new area within my rehab field and taking every chance to help the young'uns in it move along. Most of them even seem to like the attention and encouragement, though you do have to be careful that historical perspective does not become your disease rather than your gift.

So, now I say "if the whiskey don't get me, I'll live 'til I die." Good old Irish pub song. (I really don't get anywhere near enough whiskey. I hold my liquor like a sieve, and my religious persuasion is one that allows use of alcohol but not getting drunk, though I enjoy what I can.) I have a pretty serious genetic tendency to depression and in my younger years needed medication on a couple of occasions, but now I can usually manage it with some good low fat dark chocolate or a whole chocolate meal (i.e. cocoa cereal with chocolate Silk and a nonfat chocolate pudding or chocolate frozen yogurt with that fancy whipped skim milk stuff that Whole Foods sell for 3 bucks a can - hey my mental health is worth it - for dessert) and/or a nice hike or bike ride.

It is a fight that must be fought. It may be some darn dry old lemons we have to squeeze to make our lemonade, but squeeze them and squeeze them hard. Find any drop of joy you can find and fend off the negative Nellies as best you can. Just say NO to rectal retinitis (aka sh*%!y outlook on life). Don't be like the ones who close up shop and start saying "I'm too old for..." way before its time and end up sitting around waiting for the end making themselves and everyone around them a little sadder every day. Mix your metaphors, and mix your drinks, people!!

And, BTW, Spring is almost here. We've made it 9/10 of the way, I hope I hope.

If the nursing home have a garden or similar place where you could take your Mom when you visit, it might help a little to take the edge off her feeling of being confined. I was in a similar situation when my husband was in a nursing home and there was no realistic way of filling his requests. I can identify with your feeling of sadness.

Mom always wants to go back "home". Sometimes that's when her children were kids and sometimes it's when she was a child. She just wants her own place and to be left alone so she can cook for herself....it is so very sad.

My Mom constantly wants to move. Her "apartment" (room at the nursing home) is too small and she wants more room to move around in. I put her off by telling her there are no rentals available but it is all she will talk about. Its gotten to where I hate to visit because it makes me sad.

It is so very difficult when your loved one has Dementia/Alzheimers. Mom has psychosis. I see her every day....grateful I was able to kidnap her from Missouri to be with me in a group home in Arizona. I visit her every day and I am thankful that I can do that now. Some days are better than others. Today we went outside looking for her imaginary child who was up in a tree and needed help to climb down. It's always about her imaginary children or someone wants to kick her out of the group home she is in (in her mind). Sometimes it's difficult to hold back tears when I'm with her. I hate that she feels like this and there is now way to comfort her.

Today was a bad day, ...............depression in spite of being on meds for years for it.
I call it: "Good days and better days" instead of good/bad.

I'm still in bed at 5pm.........might as well stay here until tomorrow. .......
I need to let my doctor know, perhaps my prescription needs to be revised.
Hugs to all,

M88

Dump anytime you like. We all need someone just to hear us and just listen.

I have been taking care of my 89 year old Uncle who had a stroke for the past 4 years. I moved into my Mom's house she left me after passing when he had his stroke. He lived with my mom his whole life. I also work 20 hours a week. I have no family help. I too feel I cannot do the things I used to do. I am an artist and cannot travel to show my work since I am trapped in my city. I have someone to stay with him when I work but that is it because of limited funds..sorry to dump.

Thank you very much, JessieBelle. Some help has started coming again but I can't feel better. So tired and burnt out.

Oh, goodness, OneDay. Is your housekeeper/caregiver going to be back soon? I hope so.

Oh geez, I feel you. My housekeeper who helps me with my elderly mother and does all the hard work had appendicitis and was out the month of January. No one else could help, all the caregivers I have used were out of the country or sick or something. A month alone taking care of my elderly mother was rough. I have a breathing problem so can't do much, paralyzed diaphragm. Now my back is in pain. A week ago I woke up with a swollen painful knee that keeps giving out. I'm bent over, limping, struggling to breathe and my elderly mother is shouting at me every 5 minutes to do something for her. She won't eat her dinner then complains she's hungry. She won't do things she can do. I'm so worn out and depressed. I've been out with a friend once in almost two years. I'm not going there but thinking about suicide makes me feel hopeful like I could get some rest.

Amy Grace --
About that porcelain tile; think about saving yourself more possible heartache that could be cause by ribbping out the very expensive porcelain tile and replacing it with something a prospective buyer might not want. Because my husband had a progressive disease, I decided to improve our house to make it easier to sell, so we could move to a rental. You may not be artistic, but I have a bachelor's degree in fine arts, but lacked the foresight to realize that my improvements might not please someone else. My husband died not long after this incident and I had to sell the house at less than it's value.

I have been feeling like I have 5 pound blocks on my feet for the last month....feeling sad and tired......It has been a long winter already. I went outside and walked about a mile this afternoon.....made me feel better! But then the calls from the NH and my dad...kind of took the wind out of my sails. I understand what you have all been feeling like.....we put so much effort in others that there sometimes is little gas in the tank for ourselves.

Stand tall, breath deep, make yourselves smile! Look at a garden catalog! We can brush this off friends!!! I'm giving you a cyber hug!

It is just so hard when there is no one to talk to. I wish we could all just get together for a group hug. Hard to type for the tears in my eyes as well. Days when we all feel so forsaken and empty. I make jewelry to help, but haven't even been able to do that. This site helps and having someone who doesn't judge or criticize. Just hope tomorrow will be better and not just a repeat of today.

Oh yeah, depressed with winter blues to boot. First winter without my mother is not helping me either. My mother was usually good for a laugh to help lift the blues away. She believed laughter is the best medicine, that you have to laugh at something every day. I just have to find some things to laugh about.

yes, very much so. (55yr)I am going to ask my dr about testing my hormones...I have chronic depression but I feel worse than ever this year. Yesterday my bf took me for a drive to the (winter) beach and i just wanted to jump out of the car and be alone.

I have felt just like you're feeling for years now. Same problems and feelings except I got divorced last year and now facing dire financial problems with having to let go of the house but no where to go, Mom's been ill for 3 years now after a stroke. She's nearly deaf. I'm feeling my mortality as well. I'm burnt out now not only from the physical demand of caring for mom, but I've become so depressed I cannot seem to pull out of it. No kids around either and just about broke before retirement. So yes, I'm up at 3 am because i can't sleep, very lonely life, and brother is moving out of state so that he can "enjoy his life". LOL In spite of it all we never know what tomorrow may bring, Sometimes there's an uplifting surprise that comes our way when least expected. Keep your head up! Lots of hugs!

Yeah, depression, too. Dad has lost some of his social politeness and the caregiving organization will terminate services if he continues. And he just started his journey. I cannot spongebath him - due to my childhood trauma - which is pushing me to the edge. My 7 year old car is finally having several major breakdowns - so far, within months, I've paid $2000 that I can't really afford. I won't be able to use my free airline ticket because now none of my family want to babysit dad (and change his pamper) now that he has become a dirty old man. And on top of that, he's accusing me of taking his money, not changing his pamper, etc....

Yeah, fighting depression but at least I haven't reached the edge - where falling off the cliff sounds like a really good idea. I've really been thinking about this. I think of all the things that bugs me the most - it's the possibility of losing the 4 x week sponge bathing by the caregiving org. Then it's followed closely by money problem....

My solution is to drown myself in books that are humorous, takes me away from the reality of here.

Hi AmyGrace, been depressed since 2010 when my parents started to go down hill. Only child and it has really started to get to me in 2015. Dad dead now & Mom as crazy than ever after 64 years of marriage to Dad. They never got along but after his death he is a saint. That I do not get. All the stuff they did for me (example, I had the best diapers money could buy) (I am 61 years old by the way) this is the kind of stuff I have to listen to. I don't get it. So sorry for us all on this site. It never ends.

forget the kids . watch some doro videos instead . my sons dont have any use for me . fk them with a 30 ft ash log . im tellin you , you can thrive by being alone if you get in the right mindset ..

Remodeling is not fun for me. I'm right brained, no artistic ability or sense of color, or what goes with what whatsoever! I feel better tonight. My niece is coming over on Friday to advise me and help me pick out something that will match! She has great taste. I'm dreading all the mess again but maybe we can get it right next time around. Hey - time for you to get rid of that pizza slice floor! Don't get white! My old one was mostly white - and always dirty!

AmyGrace, my kitchen floor is 35 years old and the pattern is such that if one dropped a pizza slice on the floor, one couldn't notice it. It the old cushion rolled flooring where if you dropped a plate on it, charges are the plate would survive :)

I noticed the new patterns in today's kitchens are so busy looking I need Dramamine just to walk into them :P So I know how you feel finding one pattern just doesn't mesh with another pattern.

My personal taste is plain... like white cabinets with butcher block counter tops [making a come back] and back to white appliances. As for the flooring, not sure, I do like wood floors.

Back when I was a residential Realtor I use to tell people to remodel as soon as they can so that they can enjoy the new look for awhile before selling the house. You'd think I would take my own advice?

Dealing with my parents for the past 7 years pushed any remodeling back big time. Time and money wise.

Likewise, fighting the blues.

Lol, we couldn't sell the hose or the house along with it.!

Can't afford a decorator? Ask a realtor in to appraise your house, tell them you are interested in selling, but cannot list just now.. Ask what can be done to fix up the house for sale. Plan to use that realtor if they have good advice.

AmyGrace, Watch some remodeling shows, or real estate buying/selling shows.
A new update is painting the cabinets, even if they are oak wood. Oak doesn't match too many things. Grey cabinets are popular, and can help tie in different colors-they don't have to match, just go together with the look you are trying for. Your taste may be a bit different than a new buyer's, and kitchens can be made to appeal to most everyone buying. It is often a benefit if a buyer sees potential by re-decorating. Pick the most expensive thing you have re-done, save that, and re-do something less expensive. A backsplash around the sink and counters can tie two things together, such as a floor and a counter-top. You can do it!
I get depressed that with all the curtains I have tried-trying to save money-it would have been better to buy all the same white curtains for all the windows at once, but there was not enough money. Now, we have an eclectic mix-that won't help sell the hose! Depressing, yes.

Its been a long winter. I am 47 but my father died at 49 and my sister 45 so I am very aware of my mortality. Watching Mom deteriorate from Alzheimers has been challenging. I so want to be able to tell her when I have had a bad day or am upset and be "mothered" but she just is not able to do that anymore, I am more a mother to her now. But I try to keep myself happy, it is hard some days. Big hugs, and remember you are never alone!

Take a quick shower daily.
Go outside, if even for ten minutes.
Take baby steps.
Make a short list of what you want or need to do.
Be grateful if only one or two things get done.
Write in a journal every other day.
Come on here to post as much as it is helping you.

Yes, depression can take hold of anyone. One does not have to be mentally ill to suffer from depression. Be kind to yourself.

And to top it off, we just had new floor and countertop tile installed in our very tired old kitchen. We were so excited! Thanks to the darn small samples one has to use to make a decision (and I am not artistic), what we chose for the floor looks completely different installed - its pattern clashes with the countertop - the kitchen looks awful! Its so bad my poor husband plans to rip out the very expensive porcelain tile and I've been all over - nothing is plain enough - nothing matches (or we can't afford it) I can't believe this is happening! That gave me a lovely morning, waking up with dread in my stomach - another thing we have no choice but to waste our time and money on or we will never sell the house the way it is now.

Yes, me, too. My mom has become agitated and angry. The weather is gloomy and cold. I think about how my mom and dad went south for a couple of months each winter when they were my age. I just keep hoping that we see some sunshine and warmer days soon.