Feeling burned out and overwhelmed. Any advice?

I’m so sorry that you are struggling with this. Just wanted to say that I care. I know that I can’t remove your frustration. A bazillion hugs for you 💗.

When things settle down, speak to a social worker or Council on Aging in your area to help plan for your mom’s future in a facility. They will walk you through the steps.

Be safe and stay well. Best wishes to you and your mom.

I’m very sorry. When you can, call your local Medicaid office. Here in Ohio, it’s through our Department of Human Services. Speak with them about a Qualified Income Trust, aka a Miller Trust. If a person gets too much from Social Security, the overage is put into this trust for their usage and their’s only. The advantage is that then the person can apply for Medicaid. In your mom’s case, she will then be able to go to a facility. In Ohio, I was advised to set up the trust through Huntington Bank. It’s easy to do.

I know how you are feeling. I went through all of this five years ago with my mom. Anyway at that time I was not aware of anybody that could help. You are on the right path. There are lots of support groups and a lot of organizations that can give you a break so you can keep some sanity yourself. Hold it together and ask ask ask

Sounds like you need more help with mom. Is she left home alone all day while you're working? Seems like she might need to be supervised.

Definitely find yourself some outside help.

A nursing home is probably on the horizon. If she does not have money, then they will take her soc security money and the gov't will pay the rest. This is a process and a pain in the neck to deal with the paperwork, but that's my basic understanding of the situation. Whatever money she does have will be used first for her stay.

You sure do have your hands full!

I'm very sorry you are going through extreme difficulties helping your mom. It is time for her assisted living, so Medicaid takes over when her funds run out. Are you trying to save some of her money? Unfortunately, we are talking about her money, not hers, with just your love. Anything left over after she dies you may then inherit, but do not count on it. You are really facing an emergency, a warning to get out. It is better to obtain a social worker and Mom's care ASAP before you are entirely burned out and your Mom has no one to look out for her after all.

And, one thing I did not mention is that Mom may spend down to a $2,000 allowance in her bank to be eligible for Medicaid. You are not trapped. Please find her help soon to save yourself so you are able to take care of yourself and work!

If you continue to work, you need to get her into a nursing home. You must see an eldercare attorney to "spend down" her assets correctly in accordance to your state laws...but she never "makes too much". If you hire sitters that is about $20 an hour--they only sit and watch..no hands on care. Have your mom pay for the elderly attorney as part of the "spend down".

A Certified Nursing Assistant who does hands-on care that about $30 an hour.

If you mom cannot manage her own bowels or bladder--she will no longer be eligible for assisted living and must go into a nursing home.

Hi... seems you have received great tips.. just wanted to say my parents made too much, so we opened a Special Needs Trust, .its actually called "dirtying up money"
Thenthey both qualified.
& it's legal. I pd $2500 ... then I filled Medicaid to save $1500..for dad, $1500 for mom.
It's alot of work, more so time consuming.
Goodluck. There's a light at the end
Cindy

Others have spoken to your moms needs.

I am a little more concerned about your needs. Please put a support system of people together for your own mental health - people who are willing to talk with you daily. You may also need a little counselling to deal with a touch of depression. My daughter has SAD and during this lockdown, she is getting weekly counselling with a therapist via the phone. Make sure your own needs get met: rest, sunshine and fresh air, exercise, and fun.

Does it make sense to have someone come in to assist you and her a few hours a day? Talk to a social worker to see what your options are.

Can someone explain what a Special Needs Trust is exactly.

My mom lost her Medicaid this year due to increase on her social security. She gets no retirement and her condition continues to get worse 😔. I feel your frustration and I, too, need advice! I'm sorry that I have no advice for you, but I pray others can help us both. God bless you.

We have managed to find outside care through an agency to come in and help with moms care. We budget the hours so that the cost is covered by her retirement/social security amount. I may have someone come in for several 2-3 hr shifts or several 4 hr shifts. Each home care agency has different minimum hr requirements and charge different amounts. Before covid I was using two different ones. Possibly look into having a living care provider. If you supply room and board the fees may be less.

Thank you all so much; I’ve received more support here than I have from my family in five years.

I'm so sorry you're going through this - caregiving can be lonely and exhausting.

Are there community day programs in U.S. available for persons with dementia? Here in Canada, the cost per day ranges from $20-30 which includes lunch and activities, kind of like senior daycare. It gives relief to caregivers for at least 6 hours a day. (Of course, these programs are halted during covid).

My father lives in Assisted Living, but many families combine day programs with hiring a private caregiver according to needs and budget. At the beginning of my caregiving journey, I read a book about the subject that said this is one of those problems to "throw money at" if at all possible. If hiring help can buy you some time for self-care, it is worth it.

Even finding 10-15 minutes a day to breathe deeply or journal or walk outside can do wonders for your well-being. Hang in there.

I believe that you've spoken to an elder law attorney. Has your mother applied for Medicaid, if available?

Please use your mom's funds to pay for senior care agents' advice and related eldercare issues. Professionals and nursing home care is very expensive, and most incomes do not cover their costs. Besides, you need your job for your own welfare.