Anyone else feel this way about Christmas right now? I have no desire to celebrate Christmas this year.

@VickiG - Thank you for answering as to why the ALF would not keep your mom. I can tell you love her and that it is different between an adult child taking care of ones parent(s) and a spouse. I took care of my Mom for the year before she passed and immediately saw my dad needed care (dementia) and brought him into our home where he stayed until he passed. They were loving and cooperative and appreciated everything I did for them but it was still care taking and came with all the hardships of being a caregiver. Still, it brought me joy. Taking care of a selfish, narcissistic husband is a completely different topic for another day and in a different post.

I am just so glad that it is finally done!

Im glad glad glad it's over. I hate xmas. Sad isn't it? Yesterday my hubby and I took food to my mom and had to watch the caregiver feed her. It's really hard to watch that. It makes me cry.. Im crying. She was such a independent woman. Im hurting too that doesn't help...

My mom had dementia and Parkinson's end stages of it.. it's so hard...

Sorry, she has dementia. What's that like when it gets worse???

I cared for my narcissistic mother for four horrendous years - Parkinsons and dementia. She went into a NH in October/12 and in the December I moved into my wee dilapidated cottage out in the country. Winter weather, broken toe, driving back and forth 85km to get her house renovated and up for sale, her screaming at my down the phone almost daily and my tiny new home in such a bad state that I almost froze to death. I've had the cottage renovated over the summer and, although still prone to being manipulative and nasty (which I don't tolerate), a stroke a couple of months ago knocked some of the stuffing out of her.

This Christmas it was just me and my dogs. I didn't visit the NH as I have a cold. We're warm and cozy and well fed. I've been staying up very late watching movies, getting up in the morning to let the dogs out to potty then we've all gone back to bed til noonish. So much stress over the years I really needed this.

ashlynne - good for you. I have let all phone calls go to voice mail for a while now and I am not answering many even then. I need the break. The years of stress add up. and it doesn't get any easier as we get older. (((((((hugs))))))

I have to say I wish I were taking care of a parent, and not a beloved spouse who is young (72) and a triathlete and ironman who is physically healthy but lost in his Lewy Body Dementia. I think my profile picture says it all

Emio last evening (Christmas Day) I got 4 calls from the NH. Though she can't stand alone my mother decided she'd go look in her closet, her bed alarm went off, the staff rushed but she was on the floor with a skinned finger. Call #1: we've cleaned it and put her back to bed; Call #2: It won't stop bleeding, will you drive her to hospital? - no I can't lift her and you won't help, call transport; Call #3: We can't get transport, can we call an ambulance and you pay for it? - I will pay, I don't care if you send her by helicopter or flying carpet; Call #4 (which I let go to voicemail): She's stitched and they're sending her back here - where dd I imagine they'd send her back?

I called her today and got heck for not rushing to sit and keep her company in the ER (from a woman who wouldn't lift a finger for her parents when they were very old and in bad shape). Over the years I've called an ambulance numerous times, blood all over the house and spent hundreds of hours in ERs and on medical emergencies and appointments. A skinned finger is hardly an emergency. It's about time she put on some big girl panties and realized the world doesn't revolve around "me, me, me".

photo ((((((((((((hugs))))))))))) it must be terribly difficult having a beloved spouse go down hill with that disease.. You would be in a continual state of grief I would think. I hope you get some help here. There are others who are looking after spouses. My heart goes out to you. Life has no guarantees for happiness.

ashlynne - what a crazy circus. I have a Christmas Day ER story too from a few years ago. I swore never again. It was not an emergency either. She ate rich food after a gal bladder operation and got threw up. What did she expect? But we had to go through all the drama, at 7 am and I hadn't even had a cup of coffee. My tongue was hanging out. Also being Christmas day the street people had come into the ER to get out of the cold - it was insane...

A skinned finger is not an emergency. You could send her some big girl panties but I doubt she will put them on.

You know what they say about a narcissist - How many of them does it take to put in a light bulb? Only one -they hold it and the world revolves around them.
A narcissist is someone who after taking the trash out, gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house
There's nothing wrong with narcissists that reasoning with them won't aggravate."
My husband and I divorced for religious reasons. He thought he was God and I didn't
What's a narcissist's idea of being a "slave"? Not being able to boss everyone else about.
What is a narcissist's idea of equality? Being equally bossy to everyone else
What is a narcissist's idea of being abused? Occasionally having to go along with someone else's preferences

and the last one which isn't funny

What's a sure-fire way of getting daily verbal abuse?
Be the child of a narcissist.

It is a ride, isn't it? (((((hugs))))) to you and let the phone ring and go to voice mail..

Ernio you are too funny! At least I haven't lost my sense of humour. I'm actually feeling quite strong lately. I will not jump, I will not run and I have no guilt whatsoever. I ensure my mother has whatever she needs and pay the bills. After that I visit when I feel like (I can stand) it. My phone rang 3 times this evening, just one ring. Probably her. I told her some time ago, when she kept screaming at me down the phone, if she continued I'd change my number. She can barely dial the phone most of the time now but if she wants to play phone games my number gets changed and goes unlisted. After a lifetime of living hell I won't tolerate any more. I'll be 65 this summer, I'm free and it's my turn to rebuild my life and live in peace.

EMJO-
Love that, so many to fit personalities of some\many family members. I especially liked the one about divorcing for religious reasons. Where do you come up with some of your posts? You have some very good things to share.

Yes, I agree Emjo, loved we divorced for religious reasons, he thought he was God, I didn't har har har. Ashlynne, I found it odd that since mom is in NH that they just didn't send her to the hospital, or have the doctor come in, and for that matter if it was just a skinned finger an RN could have taken care of it, that is what happens in my mother's NH??? For me the plusses of my mother being in NH is that there is a team to pick her up if she falls, not just me, and if she requires medical help she has it 24/7.

Madeaa I guess it's just protocol but the NH calls me for every little thing and it makes me crazy. The next time I'm there I'll have the records noted to do what they think is best and only to call me for something serious.

I appreciate all the responses to my post. It really helps a lot to know we are not alone in our situations! My dad turned 95 the day before xmas eve, and we had a very nice time with unexpected visits from some family members we hadn't seen in a long time. I realized I can't do the impossible by having everything the way I used to at Christmas time, and just did the best I could. Didn't get the tree and decorations up until Christmas eve, but it turned out to be fun - My sister from Georgia came down with her daughter and grand daughter - even though after she got here, she gets a call that her husband quit his job - so he drove down the next day. So a little good wine and some spirits helped too....Even though my dad acted terribly the entire time, we found a way to have fun. It was the most unusual Christmas I've ever had. Not perfect, not super great, but just good enough, and I enjoyed it. I loved reading all of your responses. Now every ones gone, and it's another day of caregiving with no help...back to my current 'normal'. I wish you all the best this coming new year.

Last year on Christmas of 2012, I had taken care of my mother full time while also unemployed. My other family lives out-of-state. In the year 2012, we had a very quite Christmas and New Year together at home and we both managed to attend Mass.I was not really sure that any recreational function, not even Christmas of 2012 would bring any more fun in my life, but with Mom now in assisted living and me now at home alone in 2013, I was able to celebrate normal holidays but still pray for Mom in her sate living arrangement at her age of 94.

Wow, 94 yrs old!! I have an aunt that is 94! I believe and pray this yea r will be better for all of us here. Ty for starting this site, it has really helped me! Hugs,
Kizna