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I love taking care of my mother with advanced Alzheimers, but today I am feeling very blue. Caregiving has been very rewarding because she was a wonderful wife and mother, but it is a very lonely and isolating experience. I will be turning 50 in a few weeks and feel as though my life is in major limbo. I gave up a career, life in a big city, and so much more to care for Mom.

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Have to resend you a message. The one I sent last night was removed from the site because I gave personal info. Have to send the next one marked private. I did send you a friend request on facebook from me,
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SAnford some of my best friends are REpublicans.
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Mollie,I am going to send you a friend request. Once we get that accomplished, we can hook you up w/brother in VA. Also a brother in NY who posts jazz and blues. One's a democrat and one's a republican. My name is Kathy W.
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Sanford my name is Mollie B.
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im just not lonely but id like to have a domestic partner . my house is down to the " icing " , the castle rock stone front and stone staircase and its all a little hollow without someone to share with.
havent talked to the renter gal since i ran her yapping dogs off. no animosity between us , im just worn out with her thoughtlessness and denial . the place doesnt smell like dog p*ss anymore and i can sit and design product in peace..
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Here's one jazz blog to start: http://www.npr.org/blogs/ablogsupreme/ . Here's a forum about jazz: forums.allaboutjazz./ . You can just google either "Jazz music discussion boards" or "blues music discussion boards" or "jazz blogs" and just start clicking to see which ones you like. If you have problems with this, post on my wall and I'll help you figure it out. Good luck and keep us posted!!
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Hi Stafford, yes I would be interested, let me know how I get in touch.
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I have a brother that is really into blues and jazz and posts a lot of that info on facebook. He would be willing to be friends with you if you are receptive to that. Let me know and if so we'll figure out how to do it.
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My spell check let me down. The word is problem.
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To Whitesage, Where or where are the Blogs? That is my trouble I can't find them.
I liked to discuss politics, movies, religious beliefs, latest news. I DON'T want to talk about health porblems, no organ recital for me
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To Stafford, I am not very computer savvy. When I go to Face Book I don't know what the heck I am doing and can't find anything. I do listen to Armstrong and Getty but when they get off on politics we are NOt in agreement..
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Thank you for trying I find it difficult to sew a button on my shirt let alone quilting . I did have a friend who made quilts, she had a room set you to hold her frame. She took me to several quilt shows, it as quite an art. I have often said I like all kinds of music except rap and blue grass! However,there is something we have in common, i I like dogs, I don't don't have one myself, it would be hard in an upstairs apt. but my daughter has owned many, many dogs. WE have been to dog show and she can name every breed. I guess my biggest love in music is Jazz and the blues[low down] a anyway I do appreciate your trying to help me.
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Mollie90 - I have such admiration for your ability to use a computer AND that you have such a curious mind. Could be the secret to your longevity! What type of topics are you interested in pursuing? What are your interests? Once you identify what interests you, there are so many on-line forums and blogs, I bet you could find one or several that piques your interest. It's just a suggestion. Perhaps you could start one on your own?? Good luck and GOD BLESS.
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Hi Mollie90. What would you like to talk about? I think you are amazing and wonderful to be on the computer at age 93. Simply wonderful. I just got interested in quilting. I am trying to learn how to do it. I have a seeing machine and am learning new techniques. I also just got interested in bluegrass music at age 68. I love it. It is really fun to go to the concerts and they are relatively cheap. $15 for a concert. What to you like to do or talk about? I also am interested in my little dogs. They are all shelties and they are the love of my life except for my husband of course.
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How about Facebook? There's a lot of junk depending on who you friend. But, you could friend news sites, political sites, whatever your interest is to discuss. That could lead to other sites that would interest you. You comment and someone will comment back either agreeing or disagreeing with you.
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Thanks Miasmom 1, but I don't think you understand what I want . I've already done the choir thing, I'm not looking for places to go. What I want is in depth conversations on the computer, I miss intersting talks, I know they are out there someplace if could only find them!
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Hi Mollie90! as my father told me when I was in college, "find your passion." if you are religious and/or spiritual, maybe join a church? do you like music? what about a community choir? Someone on here suggested the website www.meetup.com. it's a great website that where people can start a group based on whatever they like, and you can join a group that's already established. Obviously you are computer literate, do you like computer games? I have one called Feeding Frenzy, it's awesome and completely mindless. Not sure who makes it but Apple made a similar application. You already know how I feel about animals ;) I also think many assisted living facilities offer activities where you don't need to be a resident to participate. For security/safety purposes I would suggest maybe starting local (like going to the webpage for your city - they usually have a page called Things To Do, Things of Interest or something like that.) Hope that is of some use to you!
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Yes I feel lonely and I am not a caregiver. I'm at the age where someone should be caring for me[93]. However, I don't need the care. I live alone in an upstairs apt. Once a month I have someone who cleans, the rest of the month I take care of the place myself. I have friends and do a variety of activities but I want more. I have tried so hard to find some web site where I can communicate with others. I want to discuss different topics but I simply haven't been able to find a site. Perhaps there is someone out there who could give me some tips.
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Miasmom1, you are certainly right about the dog. If it weren't for my cats, I would be totally nuts instead of half nuts!.......My Mom doesn't feel that way, she is very jealous of my inside cat and I believe when I am out of the house that she mistreats her, because for some reason she is scared when I come back in or if there is a sudden movement she is petrified, especially if my Mom moves. So that pretty much tells me that she has been "sworping" at her when I am out of sight......That cat is my therapy! Trust me, after 3 years of caregiving, my cats, I have 6, (I rescue kittys when they need a home), they are the best therapy ever. If you are lonesome, you might give it a try, I guarantee it will take your mind off of some of your problems, but not solve them, just help. Bless all of the caregivers everywhere!
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I too feel lonely sometimes because the work is overwelming but I don't want to complian. I just want to give back to my parents what they deserve because they gave me the care I needed when I was a child and when I became a young adult to the day I got married and still then they were there for me and my family. Today is my turn to say MOM/DAD don't worry I am here for you for as long as you need me. Caregiving is not easy but it is rewarding and if you do it from the heart you should feel good about it and have time for you. I sometimes get an adult sitter and I go out with my husband, or with my children, with friends just like my parents did when I was small. I owe my parents to right to care for them and I owe myself the right to care for me. God bless.
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I admire everyone on this thread. I will stress that I am not a caregiver yet but I can identify with a lot of you. I have little control over things since it is still my parents' house. I am lonely sometimes but I am also someone "who knows how to be by herself" in that I like to read, play on my computer and what I call " putter around". I don't have many friends but most of them have children of their own. I am childless by choice however I have a therapy dog who is the love of my life. i am also a crime survivor so sometimes I will choose solitude instead of human company which is not always the best choice for me, but it's usually the "safe" choice. Mia is a therapy dog and we volunteer at a local hospital as well as the university campus where I am a grad student. (classes are not everyday so that doesn't take me out of the house as much as I'd like.) Hoping to change that this summer. Caregivers who like animals: we talk about animal therapy visits for the elderly but I am a big proponent of therapy dogs/animals for EVERYONE!!! My volunteer organization - TDI - is wonderful - you can contact them directly for a dog visit - website is http://www.tdi-dog.org/Default.aspx - doesn't matter if the dog visit is for your or for your caregivee :). Never underestimate the therapeutic power of an animal. hope this is something you guys can use. thanks!
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pamstegman - your few words described caregiving so accurately! That's my life!!
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Caregiving is a very monastic lifestyle. You feel you have taken vows of poverty, chastity and obedience. There is redemption, much later.
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Not lonely very often. I just look forward to the day I can retire and hopefully get my freedom back again (and a good night's sleep). At my age, I could care less about hooking up with anybody romantically ever again, didn't work out so well for me in the past. I do regret not having some kids but then again. I look around me these days and don't care much for most of what goes on anyway and don't envy too many people. I'm happy out in my yard and when I'm in my own kitchen cooking. And as a bible believer, I realize there's a world to come and that this life is temporary and thank God for it pretty often.
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a new med has calmed my husband down the last few days. I got to work in the yard a little yesterday and today. It made me feell so good.
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Hi All - thank you for your heartfelt posts. My heart goes out to each and every one of you. The stories may be different, but it seems the struggles and heartache is universal with all caregivers. What helps me the most is living in the moment each day. Sometimes an hour at a time. I know this is not permanent, but it has taken a toll on me psychologically and I feel I am losing the person who used to live in this body before my Mom's dementia. I am jealous of those who receive support from family and friends, but I think that scenario is very rare. For those like me, I am all my Mom has left. Husband is gone, older daughter is gone and son is not very helpful. I wish there was a way for all those in our situation could live nearby in some type of community to provide help and support. I think the only ones who truly know what we go through is living it everyday. God bless is all.....
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I am so glad that I found this topic. Yes, I feel very, very lonely. If it weren't for my furbabies I would go totally nuts. I feel like I am slowly losing my social skills, or have already lost them! My husband works out of town 5-6 days a week and is only home for a short period of time. Actually, it is good for him because he doesn't have to deal with what I go through. He was so good to give me breaks when he was home though and I really miss that. My daughter is too busy with her work and social time. Even when she does have a day to herself, she never offers to sit with Mom or ask me to go with her anywhere.......I have a friends who is dealing with the same thing that I am with dementia and her father is also in poor health. We used to compare notes all the time and it was very helpful and at least you didn't feel so alone, that someone out there was going through what you were, also. She comes from family where no one gets along, or only for a short time when they do, so she is always stressed and I have about completely lost touch with her. My cousin used to talk me through stuff, but she is too busy with her work now, so I have basically lost touch with the people I did communicate with.....I get very frustrated, aggrevated, lonesome and just have questions running through my mind all the time. Mom is 95 and her mind gets worse by the day, her health stays the same and mine seems to be on the decline. The doctor attributes it all to stress, but stress can cause some major things to go on with your body. I am trying to guard against it, but at the present it is just about impossible. It is tough when you read on Facebook about friends doing this and that and going here and there and you once did, but can no longer do so and no one even asks anymore..........My prayers to all of you who are caregivers and are going through the same experience as myself. I will keep checking back and saying prayers for all. Thanks for posting. At least I know I am not totally alone!
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I go to a Caregivers Support group and that helps a lot. I tell you that other than them, nobody understands what is like.
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My life, since the age of 13, has been in hospitals with the dying. I became an R.N., got a degree in counseling, etc. to continue the work.
I have found that care giving has become my life's work. I now care for my husband who suffers from Solvent Dementia.
I had 3 children, 2 are in Spirit only-miss their bodies so much but feel them in my heart, my Spirit-always, as I do my son who is 47 & simply will not talk to me? Both of my daughter's were disabled. One was disabled mentally & one was physically disabled.
I have found that now my husband is my teacher in so many ways. I am so grateful for the gifts of my life.
The one main thing I do now, is that I am willing to see everything differently
How the world changes when you see it differently.
BE GOOD TO YOU, FIRST....I can only speak from where I have & continue to walk.
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Cynche0911 -

I wish we could sit down and have a cup of coffee and compare notes - it sounds like our lives almost parallel each other.
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