Feeding question, any suggestions?

I don't want to offend you but I feel very strongly about this. Feeding tubes are wonderful for those who need temporary help or for people who are otherwise in reasonably good health and can expect to live many years, force feeding a 95 year old with a terminal illness (and make no mistake, ALZ is a terminal illness) is insanity. I've done a lot of reading on this issue - at most you would be adding months to her life at the expense of what little freedom of choice and quality is remaining.

My 95 year old mother (stage 6 Alzheimer's) did the same thing when she lived with us. She wouldn't eat more than a couple bites for us too but she eats well at the Memory Care facility--sometimes eating a second plate of food.

They don't bother her too much and she seems to get the food in. When she was here, I watched her closely and when she stopped, I tried to fill in by feeding her.

Maybe that's the answer...let her pick at what she can at the table or her room alone.

It could be that she takes food from the caregiver in the same way that she would accept treatment from a doctor or nurse, since she knows you she doesn't feel the pressure to be polite or to accept something she really doesn't want. Perhaps she would do better with less structured meals and with many small snacks offered often instead, it is the calorie count over the entire day that matters.

I know that for myself and my mom I feel that insisting on eating is a real moral struggle - it is one of the few things they still have any control over and cajoling, bullying or tricking someone who is nearing the end of life to eat may not really be a kindness.

Cindi, whenever a parent moves in your household, out comes the adult/child dynamic. Thus, once again Mom-in-law is the adult, and her son [and you] are the children. Thus in Mom's mind, you are the kids, and what do you know :P

Therefore, if the caregiver is dressed in a uniform type garb, your Mom-in-law will see that caregiver like a nurse, as cwillie had mentioned above. Wonder if dressing like the caregiver does would help?

Does Mom-in-law indicate what foods she likes? I believe once a person had reached 95, if they want ice cream for breakfast you ask that person "one scoop or two". My own Mom was a fussy eater but oh how she loved pie, cake, muffins, cupcakes, ice cream, etc. As we age, we do tend to lose our sense of taste except for sugary foods.

Boost tastes better than Ensure. Baby food my sound tasty but is made without any salt or spices so it may be a little bland. If she needs a soft diet it might be better to feed her any "normal" foods that she used to enjoy - soups, stews, mashed potatoes, polenta, well cooked mac & cheese, puddings, custards...

I think sometimes feeding tubes are the default answer suggested whenever there are eating problems but just because it is a medically simple procedure doesn't mean it is the ethically sound one, unfortunately some medical professionals never seem to look beyond their narrow specialty to see the whole patient.

I think she overstepped, too. And the physical therapist suggested letting Mom feed herself more; she had a great day yesterday because she took charge of her own feeding and it seemed to give her the courage to help herself more (which I was kind of wondering if she had some learned helplessness from the caregiver doing too much for her when we weren't around and her expecting it from us ;)! ) Hoping this will be a huge step forward!

Thank all of you! You've pretty much confirmed a lot of what I have thought - small meals, food she wants even if it doesn't "fit" the schedule, and that she might just feel she can balk with us because we're family!

Actually, she is still in her own home. The caregiver dresses in jeans and comes for 8 hours a day, we're there the rest. After hearing the responses, I'm going to have the caregiver start trying foods she likes instead of insisting she needs "meat and three" . . . and since there are so many baby foods that look way better than they used to, we thought we might try them in regular bowls. I figure since she weighs maybe 80 lbs now (she's always been tiny tiny), baby food is probably going to hit a lot of her nutritional needs. She's not wild about Ensure, but we might try milkshakes, maybe with a little protein powder added in . . . Thanks again, you've given me a lot of ideas!

My Mom eats ok but doesnt drink alot . Its a battle with deyhdration. She loves her chocolate boost though. So we do boost and ice cream shakes . During the day we do fruit smoothies with some small amound of spinach. Im considering doing vanilla boost to it ..Now we mostly use yogart or ice chips. Try finger foods . Mom eats alot of sandwiches that i cut up for her. Its hard for her to chew somethings. Like she will eat ground beef or turkey but not steak . etc ..