Feb 15 we put my mom in memory care. 3 weeks later it was locked down. Should I bring her back to my home?

I almost did bring my sister home. horribly frustrated and tired from looking for new place for sis during the last 5.5 months- about 15 total facilities. before we got a call. I had started looking for bath tub grip bars, baby gates for the stairs, shower chair, and I don't know what else telling myself I can do this-care for sis 24/7.

I had told my husband I have to stop looking and getting turned down by all these places at least sis will like it here at our house at least for a while.......although I knew it would be really hard on all of us.... the next day after I bought some home gear-the light bulb finally went off in my head I cant go through with bringing sis home glad I had not made any promises to sis that I would bring her here.

I called a couple more facilities and a few weeks later we got in one. Probably best in the end-due to corona, and my family still out in the working world could have caught and or passed the virus to sis would have been very very bad. I am okay with not bringing sis here it is tough enough not going out except for necessities-way more staff in the facility able to provide more kinds of care for sis when ever she needs it-. after all the looking I did it became obvious that no one place is going to be perfect all the time-nearly every place I visited had family or worker complaints about poor level of care or low staff available at holiday time etc. is not what you want but does happen. The places with no worker or family complaints are impossible to get into unless you have a very large bag of cash.

Imho, I cannot advise you to bring her home or leave her in the facility. I would not want to be that person if it went the wrong way. You must be the one to make the decision. Prayers sent to you.

Yes. Bring her home. No one can give her better care than you can. There are many resources to assist you in helping her in the home setting. You can have nurses and therapists and aides assist you. There is help to pay for medicines. You can control who comes into your home. Make sure they use appropriate protective equipment. You cannot control who they let in that facility. Good Luck.

I don't think at this time, There is much that can be done to Release MOM. It is the Virus, many are notr even on Staff athe Homes to Help. Leave her there for now and when the Virus is Ovwer, You can Take Over...

Hi Laurie,
I don’t have an answer but I do feel your pain. I am in the same predicament. My mom has one more week to go in nursing home rehab. My mom is 85 as has stage 5 chronic kidney disease so I do understand.
A representative from the nursing home called me yesterday just to reassure me about her care and to let me know, no coronavirus there yet. My mom says that they sit at the door of their room and play bingo. They can also sit at their door and socialize. My mom actually said she loved the fact that she was getting good baths from their nursing staff.
My mom is proud as well, she will not allow me to help her bath.
I hope this gives you a little peace of mind. Hopefully this will be over soon, prayers going up for you and your family.

This is not advise or wisdom. It is the announcement of an experiment. On Monday I brought my 90 yo blind frail confused Mom to my home, from an AL that had successfully locked down 3/13, and which has no active cases still. My partner and I completed 2 wk self isolation in our home together. Then brought Mom and now we’ll watch her and ourselves carefully, for another two weeks. After that, we intend to keep social distancing, sanitizing, monitoring temps, practice extreme hygiene...until there is a vaccine or adequate treatment.

The AL isolation was very hard on Mom. She experienced lockdown as if in prison. The parallels are real. She never recognized the regular carers she had, never learned even one name. Now, here in my home...still very isolated. She doesn’t remember my partner’s name. Isn’t sure they have met. (after 30 years) So while the hands-on falls more to me, my partner is handling the logistics and behind scene support...with just enough friendly, orienting contact to prevent Mom thinking partner is just hired help, since hired help should be fired, in her book.

still...We saw an opportunity to try this arrangement...which, without the Virus, we probably would not have engineered. The Virus made us do it! It has an uncertain end...but it will end. Seemed to us that however many weeks or months in isolated AL - those weeks/months were going to waste. Stagnant. No progress or refinement of care was going to happen in these circumstances. All the while losing touch with the real family she still has. Bringing her home may represent less waste of time, less frustrated angst.

so, Day 4 is done. i am tired, but hopeful. Job getting short shrift in short term. Anything can happen. We could lose jobs. Someone could get sick. There could be recurring scares and heightened risk for months to come, during which Mom will inevitably decline. We decided to do it anyway, knowing that it might mean Mom never leaving my home again.

i’ll report back.

Laurie, just a quick update on my friends dad, he was not able to get a telemed visit done this week. The post surgery day followup was with his cardiac care team. Telemed can’t work for what he would have had done as needed to be hands on. Instead labs are getting pulled and then shared with cardiac team & the MD / medical director of the facility, then those 2 convo with facility medical director doing new orders or RXs if needed. There is a plan with the facility MD as chief decision maker on care. They use Quest, do the pull in-house but labs taking 2+ weeks now as Covid is priority. The facilities staff is good and most been there forever. They have decreased # of residents overall, 2 regular deaths, a handful pulled thier parent out. No new admits at all. If you leave, you do not get back in for April, with May tbd. She has been reassured that should her dad need to move up into skilled it will be done. The goal seems to be to just get thru April & May and then look for normal in June.

I bet this is the path of what mixed level (AL, NH, MC) facilities will take if at all possible. Less residents = Having flexibility to move residents up in care or become a single room isolated if they get Covid symptoms. Most run on tight profit margins, I bet they can decrease by 10-15% & still be ok to make payroll and have # of staff required for state & Medicare regs.

if your mom is still pretty competent and cognitive, see if staff can FaceTime or Skype with you all. My mom was in a NH & on hospice her last 18 months and I live out of state. Her 2 Nd hospice group was picked to a big degree as they could & did Skype btw her & me. Perhaps that can happen?

For anyone reading this, if you’re on the new normal of “window visit”, please please remember to take something for staff that is safe to share. Right now stores have individual mini Easter candy & snacks. Those would work & inexpensive! Grocery stores & the Dollar Trees usually have a section for individually wrapped kids birthday party swag bag size of candy or snacks too. Mini packs of carrots or apple slices if u have a way to get them there cold. Your remembering staff now will mean they remember mom & dad later.

It seems no one is advising she bring her parent back home, yet that is what the experts are recommending for the elderly persons safety. I feel my Mother is potentially exposed to much less in my home than her large independent living facility.