Father wants to take us on a cruise -- good/bad idea?

If he is a seasoned traveller it might be possible, others on the forum have done it. One thing I would insist on is having him accompanied by a caregiver, if he can afford to pay for relatives he can afford to hire a helper.

If Dad is set on a cruise, isn't there one closer to home you could do?

What about health insurance for Dad?

50m is not very far. How large of a cruise ship is he looking at? Mum has taken several River Cruises, the ships are much smaller, but I have no idea if they would be accessible for Dad.

What help does Dad get in his assisted living? Who will provide that on the trip?

Airports, the other thread has lots of comments on airports. My two bits. How will you manage Dad, luggage, even carry on bags need to be carried etc as you make your connecting flight? If your connection involved immigration, you could have incredibly long waits. It took me well over an hour to clear immigration at Charles DG in Paris last year. No place to sit in a hot stuffy arrivals terminal. No place to pee either.

If Dad can afford to pay for the family to have this trip, what about him also paying for a professional care giver to accompany him?

Whoops!  Still learning the ropes!

If he won’t bring a caregiver along, then you and other family will be doing the caregiving. Depending on how much he’d need, would it still be a fun trip for everyone else?

I think that this will not be a good choice for anyone involved. It is a bit late for this particular last hoorah, and as you say, your dad is overestimating his capabilities in every way. This could make a bad Chevy Chase film synopsis in all truth. (I know, no laughing matter). How about trying for something a good deal smaller. A river cruise nearby. I have no idea where you live, but there must be something close to home, simple, easy to leave if things go dicey. I hope you will update us on your choices, especially if you find something he would love, and you find fun as well. Or tell us a bad Chevy Chase film.

All these parents who insist they don't need help in their homes or for routine outings or on trips etc are really just insisting that their family members step up and fill in, and if we do we are reinforcing their belief in their "independence". All is good as long as you are willing to forgo the "holiday" and become his unacknowledged crutch on this trip, because there is no doubt he needs some level of assistance or you wouldn't be on this forum asking. Make a list of all the things you did for him 3 years ago, then add on all the other things you suspect he needs help with now. Ask him who is going to do these things, and don't let him get away with telling you he will do them himself! The way to make this a success is to make realistic plans.

His refusal to pay for a caregiver does not by default obligate you to this incredibly stressful and awful two week journey. I would not go along - let him go if he wants to.

What specific countries will be included in this trip? Just a heads-up that a lot of Europe (if that's where the travel will be) and many other parts of the world are NOT handicap access-friendly. Have you ever pushed a wheelchair up hills and over cobblestones? Will his chair fit into the trunks of foreign taxis? Will it fit through the doors of their businesses? The cruise part may be do-able, the rest not so much. It's a lot of money to just stay on a boat. He is romanticizing this trip in his head. Please look into this deeper before committing to the travel.

I will say that my brother and I cruised on a cruise down the Rhine River, the vessel had no elevator, the family had to carry the wheelchaired person up the stairs to the dining room and the view deck. It was not good. I fly to Europe yearly, and after trying Business Class, I only fly First Class, and it is still not wonderful, but better, 11 hours on any flight is not only stressful and tiring! It was also difficult disembarking from the vessel when docked, some of the ports in France, we had to be taken by boat to the shore, and many streets were cobblestone and he would not be able to make it, and a wheelchair would be the only way it could possibly be done, yet pushing him around on all the inclined streets will take a lot of strength, as it is you have to be a billy goat just to walk up them.

Does the ship have handicapped accessibility? What about the ports?

Handicapped cabins can be hard to book, but occupied wheelchairs may not fit through a regular cabin door. A small ship may require steps to board rather than ramps and may not have an elevator.

My Mom did OK on the ship on her Princess cruise, but had some trouble in "tender" ports where it was necessary to transfer to a smaller boat to get ashore. Non-ADA locations may not have wheelchair friendly sidewalks, shop entrances, and the like.

I'd suggest a travelscoot rather than a wheelchair. it is a relatively light scooter that breaks down and folds up to go in a car trunk or its own duffel bag. Mom uses a wheelchair at home since she can transfer by herself but can not walk five steps. She uses the travelscoot any time she goes out, not just on cruises, but I think you can rent one. The cool gadget factor might make it more appealing than a wheelchair.

She lives about an hour from the port so we didn't have to fly and she was able to bring a lot of gear. Once her cabin was set up she didn't need any help with ADLs.

Is there anything closer to home he could practice with before committing to a big trip? Maybe a weekend trip or a local excursion similar to something offered in one of the ports?

If you are up for it, I say go for it.

He would have plenty to do on board and you could do some excursions.

I personally think that it would be better to die having a good time than sitting in an AL staying as safe and healthy as possible.

Life is not meant to be a journey to the grave arriving with a well preserved body, but rather skid in sideways, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, screaming "WOOHOO! What a ride!"

Have a great time.

I would do a cruise, but not around Europe, if it were me. First off, its just too torturous to fly there; even going first or business class, the flights are looooong and uncomfortable and there's a risk of getting a DVT in the leg after sitting for so long. My husband and I travel to Europe once a year, normally, we're in our early 60s and its really exhausting. Going through customs alone in foreign countries is a lot, not to mention language barriers and cultural differences and on and on. The cruise itself would likely be fine if Dad is planning to stay on board.....there is a doctor on the ship, so that's a good thing. If you book a room, be sure it's handicap accessible in the bathroom as well as the room. Again, European standards are quite different than American standards especially where toilets are concerned. Can you feel the eye-roll over here...lol?
Whatever you decide to do, good luck and have fun!

If he wants a last hoorah then good for him. Transport for flights and on cruises for disabled is excellent these days. Get him to give some preferences as to where he wants to go and where from then plan with some extra time for getting to and from ship if necessary, and talk through with cruise line direct - not an agent - on his needs and what can be accommodated. I was honestly staggered at the level of assistance I found when needing assisted airport and boarding recently - service was superb even on budget airlines. I would say YEAH - he wants it, great memories, Go for it.

Who's the tour operator? It makes all the difference.

Most all modern cruise ships have ADA cabins fitted for those using a wheelchair. I think you may even be able to rent a motorized chair through the cruise line. I remember one cruise I took where the little motorized "scooters" were parked (and plugged in to charge) up and down the hallway in front of several cabins!

All modern ships have elevators and public restrooms that are handicapped-equipped. Doors are wide enough for a wheelchair. Some cruise lines, such as Holland America, cater to a much older crowd. If you eat at the buffet restaurant, there are staff to help you get your food and then they will carry your tray to your table.

Here is a great article about cruising for the physically challenged written by a couple who have taken many cruises and must use a wheelchair. It contains a lot of great info about cabin styles and onboard services available.
https://cruisereport.com/article-archive/cruising-physically-challenged

On the larger and mega ships today, there is so much to see and do, one never needs to leave the ship! The ship is a destination in and of itself. There is a spa, a casino, nightly entertainment, lots of dining options, movies, card games, enrichment lectures, cooking classes, computer classes, etc.

Would someone be sharing a cabin with your Dad? I have taken over 150 cruises on all types of vessels (my job is reviewing cruises!) and have seen lots of physically-challenged elderly folks onboard having a great time! I'm not so sure how much fun their caregivers were having, though.

Flying to Europe is another whole issue. That is hard on even the healthiest people! Seats in main cabin are excruciatingly small and cramped and getting through the airports is a challenge in and of itself. The airport/flying part is always the worst, most dreaded part of my trip.

If you have a good travel agent, it is helpful. Also have travel insurance such as TravelGuard. There is a doctor/medical facility on most ships, but it is outrageously expensive to go there! Trust me, I know from personal experience!

If you could talk him into a cruise that departs from and comes back to a US port, it would be much easier on all concerned.

Hi swilson1, I think it is great you want to take your father on a cruise, and it is not insane at all. Where do you plan on traveling? I would advice for example a shorter flight to Florida and then a cruise to Bermuda but that is a decision both you and your father have to make.. Is your father paying for the relatives? Depending on their ages I would ask some relatives to help out such as assistance with the bathroom, help with bathing if not independent or other tasks you feel would be helpful, otherwise hire a travel companion or caregiver and be firm with your dad. You do not want to be in a difficult situation and have no help. I would advice assisting him when he uses his walker so he does not fall and hurt himself. I would use the w/c when he is up and about around the ship. I would take both walker and w/c. I took my mother on trips every year since the age of 85, She is now 96 years old, but not alone. At the beginning of her travels she used a walker and w/c for long distance and now w/c most of the time, but I took her walker for exercise. We have been on guided tours and many cruises since then. I found the cruises to be much easier for my mother. I met with a travel agent that worked hard to get my requests taken care and there were many. I would book no more than 6 months in advance and take out travel insurance. Most times accessible rooms were available for us, but speak to a cruise specialist concerning accessibility and always double check to be sure everything is in place before the cruise. .There was a small medical facility on board if needed. Ted stockings a must to prevent blood clots while in flight. We took a few excursions that were accessible. The last trip was a cruise to Hawaii for my mothers 96 birthday last year. The flight was long so I booked a hotel halfway to Hawaii. I requested at time of booking a bulkhead seat for two. There was no added cost because of her disability. Lots of added space near the front and assistance at the airport. The flight went quite well with no problems. We even walked a mile with my mother in her w/c to a beautiful beach on Maui when we were at port. She sat under some trees in her w/c looking at the ocean and enjoying every moment of it. I made certain requests for her meals and they accommodated her. She loved the music, shows. watching people dance and many other things a cruise had to offer. Make sure the cruise line is aware how special this upcoming trip is for your dad. The staff did special things for my mom and I was so grateful. I am so glad we took my mother on these trips and now it is time to just relax , rest and enjoy quiet time with her family with local travel. We have such wonderful memories of the trips we took with my mom. I have lots of experience traveling with my sweet mother, too much to put in one post so please message me with any questions. This trip can be wonderful with your dad if planned well. The w/c is essential and be firm and you will need some assistance so plan ahead and ask family to help!!. I hope you take your 88 year old father on this cruise and it is a plus you have some relatives to share this great adventure. Wishing you a most enjoyable time with your dad. Safe travels.

Cruisecritic wrote an article about some older ships that get consistently positive reviews from travelers with disabilities:
Royal Caribbean's Symphony of the Seas
Holland America's Koningsdam
Princess Cruises' Regal Princess
Norwegian Bliss
Disney Fantasy
Regent's Seven Seas Explorer
Carnival Horizon
MSC Seaside

Consider a cruise on a ship that is seasoned in ADA. If the point is family togetherness, the ports of call should be less important than having a "last hoorah". Let your father know you are willing to work with him just within limits.

Call a travel nursing agency and inquire about the cost for a male aide to travel with your dad. Perhaps the AL where he lives can help you find a person to fill this "situation wanted".

Maybe pick a cruise where its just one flight to the destination. 2 weeks sounds like a long time. And how much "shore" time is he going to be able to do.

I would say, no caregiver, no trip. He is not independent; other people have to step in and help him. Walking 50 meters, about 150 feet for us in the U.S. is not far. He may have done this trip in the past but with his current limitations, it is a completely new ball game. Too bad if he is "too proud" to accept his limitations; pride has nothing to do with it. I think I would ask him what is the point of having you and other relatives along. To enjoy themselves with him for a trip that provides good memories or to take care of him because you cannot do both. If he wants good memories, he will need a caregiver or even 2 to give them a break. It is so common and so tiresome when the super elderly (I am 66 so I guess I am elderly too) don't accept what they cannot do anymore. It is possible to do this trip but if he is not able to accept help to do it, then I would not participate.

Bring along a nurse with you on your trip and go enjoy the quality time you have left with him.

I would say...potentially:-) (insane). So appreciate this is what he thinks is his last adventure, but it may not be...you never know. Not prying, but this time since DH isn't going to be along as you say, is that because DH learned his lesson from the last adventure? I would not even have another thought about this without GOOD trip insurance for both of you, and realizing if god forbid something happens, the rest of your party will be left to party on without you both. Read the fine print of the travel insurance policies because they may not cover something pre-existing...as in if you know he has a fall issue and he does, will a broken limb be covered? You are one hell of a good daughter if you do this, that's all I can say! OH..and another PS thought: if he balks at the thought of a caregiver, then HE MUST use the wheelchair to prevent any injuries...of course that means you'll be the pusher...which goes back to the benefit of having a caregiver.

I would say go for it! It won’t be easy but continue to prepare well and go. The other post you refer to was for a funeral. Much different in my opinion. What memories you will have of helping him make this wish come true. Others will help if needed. Don’t underestimate the kindness of others. Have a great time with your Dad.

That's a tough one on one hand it could be a great vacation. I would check with the cruise director or customer service to see what kind if any help they have for people in your situation.
If they can accommodate I might say go but you should to check with doctor and see actually check your gut feeling.

If he wants to go through with this can you at least make the cruise one that does not involve the long flights? Suggest a Caribbean cruise of if he does want to do a long one a Panama Canal or Alaska this way no one will be exhausted from long flights and "jet lag"
All the ships have ADA accommodations and will practically bend over backwards to make the trip a pleasant one.
Next biggie...TRAVEL INSURANCE for you and him or who ever would remain home or depart with him if something would happen while on the cruise.
Check with his Doctor to determine if this is in fact a good idea.
Get a copy of all his prescriptions. Get an extra week supply just in case he is hospitalized someplace for any length of time.
If he does not need a lot of personal care and you do not think you can do this by yourself as long as Dad is paying for the trip he needs to include someone to help. It does not have to be a nurse or a CNA but someone that has experience with personal care. If you are going to hire someone to travel with you keep in mind an agency will charge you an arm and a leg this would be considered 24/7 care. So hiring a friend that you know could handle this, or even pay one of the younger relatives that will be going. (Or if there is a grandchild that could be paid to do this..one that may not want to go on the trip)
This could be an outstanding cruise, one that you will never forget (let's hope it is for good reasons not horror stories to be told later)
As far as getting off the shop for excursions some are done by bus and are accessible and he should take advantage of those.

I have personal experience with this. I took an Alaskan cruise with my parents when they were in their early 80s. The worst part was the air travel. That was very disorienting to them and led to a few embarrassing episodes. We all survived, but there was never any talk again about trips.

I would echo what others are saying: If you do go, try to talk him into an itinerary with a shorter flight.

INsane? Probably. But it is his Last Hurrah! Better go First Class on the flights. Then find out about the cabin arrangements. Bed size, bathroom size, maneuverability around cabin. Try to picture it, especially the bathroom, if there is really enough room to maneuver. Will he have a cabin mate? He should have one responsible enough to see when problems arise. And ask the cruise line whether they might help. If you can talk to the cruise host (Purser or whoever runs the crew). If DH won't come, hire a companion for him who has care capability.

Or if this sounds too complicated and iffy, what else can you suggest for his Last Hurrah? He needs to have a family party somewhere so a resort in the mountains for the family might be a good alternative and more practical. You could find one that would provide the same services as the cruise and it could be more enjoyable.

Good luck!

If Dad is not going to go on any excursions, why does it matter which cruise/destination?

I understand that the scenery will be different if it is an Alaskan cruise vs a Mediterranean one, but how much time will Dad spend on deck looking out?

My DH and I went on an Alaskan cruise 3 years ago and our marriage barely survived it. He HATED it. (we were 60 and 64, respectively and fully capable in every way of handling the endless lines and waits for everything....)

It was just the two of us-in retrospect we should have brought a like minded couple along with us, so he could have groused about the 'ripoffs' and my friend and I could have had some fun.

We did see a LOT of elderly folks, many in wheelchairs and the cruise line did seem to accommodate them well. They didn't look terrible happy, though. Cruises are for sightseeing at slooooooooooooooow paces and for gambling, drinking, partying--none of which we did/do.

The 'side trips' were what we enjoyed, the hiking and 'out of the ship' activities. As soon as we were back on the ship my crabby hubby returned. We booked an aft cabin and it was lovely to sit on the deck and watch whales and such---but mostly my DH was lulled to sleep by the sideways rocking of the ship.

If dad is INSISTENT---1 week is PLENTY. The biggest ships are still a tight fit. The bathrooms are well set up, but small. 2 weeks? you'll have people jumping ship.

Try a river cruise--say, down the Mississippi. They dock in small towns, it's slow going and if it's just the fact you took a cruise--well, you did. No hassle with passports every single time you get on and off the ship--and if someone gets ill, it's EASY to get them off the ship. We were told if we had any medical emergency we would be airlifted at our own cost to the nearest medical facility...

Truly? We learned the hard and expensive way that we are NOT cruise folk. My DH has to be in a car and in charge. Period. Otherwise he's just miserable and makes everyone else that way.

The ONLY thing both DH and I enjoyed were the sight seeing 'off ship' things.

And the ocean looks the same after day 10, I'm sure. I actually watched a pod of whales off the back of the deck the last day and went 'oh, more whales'. I knew then it was time to go home and put this down as an epic and expensive fail.

Had we chosen to spend another $5-7 grand, we would have had a bigger berth but that's about all. The service was impeccable and all that--but we just hated, hated, hated the crowds.

Not Alaska and the Canadian Rockies, that one, was it Midkid?

A few years earlier and he could have shared his grouse with my mum! Can't remember now how they managed to annoy her, but I think it was probably too much entertainment and not enough wildlife. She'd have been the one with the walking stick and the camera, refusing all offers of help.

I would have to say this is not a good idea.

Years ago when my father was 80 and still living on his own and not needing a walker he came up with the bright idea that we (he, myself and my two kids) go to Disney World. Previously me father had been on trips with my cousins to places like Bryce Canyon that require alot of walking so I assumed he would be ok and was glad to have someone to share the hotel expense with. One of the biggest mistakes of my life. He couldn't manage the airport. Could not keep up at the park so I was trying to keep an eye on two excited 11 year olds while looking back to see where he was. The second day he decided to stay at the hotel for the day. Kind of defeats the purpose of going. Last day we went to Epcot and he just sat on a bench while we ran around and kept running back to check on him or take him on something we thought he could handle. When I vacation I like to cover alot of ground and I felt like I was gipped out of a vacation for all the accommodations we had to make. If your father needs alot of assistance who is going to provide that? How will that impact their enjoyment of the vacation?

When I returned from the trip and told people about it many suggested that I should have gotten him a wheelchair. I pointed out me pushing someone in a wheelchair was not exactly a vacation for me. If you had enough people going to share the work it might not be so bad. Walking around a cruise ship is a lot of walking for an able bodied person. This might be more than he can really handle. Would he be content staying aboard ship while others enjoy themselves visiting in port or will he expect to go too or want others to stay with him? Would he need someone to stay back to keep an eye on him? All these things need to be considered.