My father has been living with my husband and I for 3 years now. My mom passed awy in 2008 and he did not want to stay in their house. He moved in with a lady friend who is like a sister and was a frind of my mom and dad. After a year my husband and I invited him into our home to live so he could be in contact with his family. We THOUGHT he would travel in the winter and go camping in the summer. That happened the first year but now he simply stays at home. My husband and I have no alone time and it is becoming a problem. My dad is a gentle soul and I do not want to hurt him in any way. How can I lovingly tell him that my husband and I would like some evenings alone (dad lives in our lower level)? I feel helpless. Thank you!

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Send him back to his lady friend. Old people do better with folks the same age as they are. Your other option is to hire a companion to amuse him while you go on vacations.
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If he is in the lower level, why does that not provide you and husband privacy?

It seems like he was doing fine with the friend, then you invited him to move in with you. If he's a gentle soul and not being a problem, then I don't think I would have the heart to ask him to move out.

If he is healthy, he may have many years ahead. I might explore the lower level area and try to fix it up as his own apt, so that you and your husband can have some privacy, assuming the current setup isn't working.

You might also suggest that he join a social group or develop some hobbies. Can he meet the friend he used to live with for movies, dinner, etc? If he were to find a companion, perhaps he would want to move in with them.

You could also go out with your spouse just the two of you. Tell dad that you and your spouse need some date time for romance and you are going out to do this every Friday night. You know he'll understand. I think that would make it clear too, without hurting his feelings.

I'm all for being happy in your home, but if dad is kind, not a complainer or bossy and minds his own business AND I invited him in, then I can't see me asking him to leave.
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Could your dad be lonely and looking to the two of you for companionship? Is there something during the day he could do - local church, senior center, volunteering, etc? Also, make date nights and get out of the house - like when the kids were little - you guys need it!
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I get it, we have the same situation. Thought dad would get a volunteer job but did not. He loves to travel back home but there is a lot of cost associated with that I cannot afford. Wife and I had a great week alone being able to talk without a comment. Now its over for a while as he is on his way home. Planning to make date night once a week. Finally had one last night and was nice! Date night is imperative! We are so relaxed when he is not here.Its not that he is needy it is just another set of ears in the house that has to comment on everything... Need to find him a volunteer job.
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You could also focus on getting him involved during the day, allowing him to rest and spend his evenings alone in his downstairs apartment.

Does he still drive? Our local Meals on Wheels group relies entirely on volunteer deliverers. Not only do they bring food to shut-ins, they make friends with them. It's a win-win situation for both.

Does he have any particular hobbies? Our local Senior Center has a woodworking group with a small shop and power tools where the seniors go to make creative projects?

Would he be interested in other volunteer work? Helping a food pantry organize and set up for food distribution to the needy? Volunteer work at a hospital, visiting patients, delivering books, etc.? I've seen this at our local VA. Some hospitals have volunteers working in gift shops.

Does he enjoy reading? Book clubs are great ways to socialize and make new friends.

I recently searched for a classics book club in my area and was amazed at how many different groups there for literally anything.... readers, music lovers, and more. He might even be able to find some volunteer work at a library, and it's a great way to meet new people as well as co-workers.

If he's finding his own social network, he might not rely on you so much.
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Also, there are the service organizations for veterans. It might be that you could drop him off at the VFW or American Legion for a get-together some evening.
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