How I can deal with the fact I can't be there? I was born and live in the United States. My father is from Argentina and moved down to Buenos Aires when he retired about 8 years ago. I'm an only child.
He is a lung cancer survivor that still smokes. He doesn't like to keep me updated about his health because he doesn't want me to worry. I found out about his lung cancer 2 months after he was diagnosed a few years ago. Just 2 months ago he was in the hospital for "confusion" and pneumonia. I only found out because the girl that was taking care of him (girlfriend? I have no clue) emailed me and told me to come down to Buenos Aires because he was dying and she couldn't make medical decisions for him. Well now I'm down here and he's not dying. He's getting better but needs to get into a nursing home/rehab facility because he can't walk (he's very weak from being hospitalized for 2 months straight with virtually no rehab in-house.) I don't have much money, he doesn't have much money - we can afford 1 month at a rehab facility but after that he needs to be out because we can't afford 8K a month.
This is my worst nightmare. I'm still relatively young and I have asked him when he was healthy and he moved down to Buenos Aires what his plan was in case his health failed - did he have a system in place, friends, contacts, DNR, will. He NEVER wanted to talk about it and totally shut me down. Now - here we are. Everything is so complicated because it's another country - their social/health system is not the same as the United States and because I don't speak the language it takes me 10 times as long to get something done.
I left my husband and my job to come down here - I am supposed to leave for the states this week but not everything is in place. He has virtually no friends and zero family down here. If he gets confused or is left on his own I don't know how he can take care of himself after the 1 month in rehab is up. He can't come back to the United States as he's not cleared to fly (and probably won't be for another month or so) AND he cannot apply for medicare in the states until January and then it won't kick in until June 2017 - so a year from now.
I'm also concerned because the girl that has been taking care of him (and wants out) also says he is an alcoholic. Which I never knew, but again, we've never been super close.
How can I possibly deal with the guilt of leaving this country without all of his loose ends tied up? It's eating me alive.