Father keeps calling police. What can we do?

Seems your father may be dealing with anxiety when alone. He may also have reached the point where he can no longer be left alone. He may also need to have his phone taken from him. In order to determine the best course of action, get appointment with a psychiatrist, preferably one that specializes in geriatrics. He/She can evaluate and treat your father. He/She might also be able to recommend an Adult Day Care, home health care agency or other options to help with this problem.

I read through a few of the answers.Having a phone that intercepts his 911 calls is putting a band aid over his problems.Please take his behavior seriously and get him medical care and some home supervision.Please if you look at the big picture, he will get the help he ultimately needs.

Hello, I am caring for my 90 year old mother-in-law who has dementia. She has called and changed her health insurance insurance 10 times over a year’s period. I found the answer to prayers with a company called TeleCalm. They have thought of everything. The system controls who calls in and out and if the dementia patient keeps calling the police they have a way to handle that too. There are other features which help for other phone issues as well. It’s not that expensive for the peace of mind it brings. Website: https://www.telecalmprotects.com/

I have a friend who went through this. I don't have any useful advice to give you. In my friend's case, it was impossible to stop her mom from calling the police. The mom was mentally competent. She falsely accused her daughter of physical abuse. The daughter (my friend) lived in her own house. Her parents lived together. My friend helped both her parents, her father in particular. Her parents were dying. My friend had to deal with the police many times, and now she has a police record of being accused. My friend wasn't charged with anything. But the record was there. The mom had a history of psychologically abusing her daughter. My friend told me it was extremely stressful dealing with the police, several times. Some months later, her parents died at home. My friend wishes she could have done more to help, but she couldn't: she had her job to worry about.

You probably already realize this, but he can't be alone anymore. It's time to hire in home care for your working hours or have family/friend fill the gap. He may act like a child because his brain is now thinking like a child. Why else would a grown man call the police?

Completely1: As your father has a malfunctioning brain due to dementia, perhaps he requires managed care facility living.

I looked this up after reading the post from "caregiverstress".

I am NOT affiliated with this company (but wish I had known about it when my dad was alive). Posting the link separately, so people just skimming hopefully see it if it can be useful to them:

RAZ Memory Cell phone:
https://www.razmobility.com/solutions/memory-cellphone/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIlZuH9bWb_wIV1AutBh3irAZ-EAAYASAAEgJOsfD_BwE

Get an " assessment of care needs" for m his PCP including an assessment for mental health status such as dementia etc.
The question is whether he is safe and appropriate to be left alone. What is he telling the police? Does he live alone? With you? His spouse, others? Is he in a facility ?
Get direction from his PCP. You can also report the situation to APS , Adult Protective Services , to see what they say, if you want to go that far.

The police are obligated to respond to the call. They can't be "understanding" to the extent that they ignore the calls, because like the tale of the boy who cried wolf, one day there might be an actual crisis, and what would you think if they didn't respond?

The bottom line is that he can no longer be alone.

He is not acting 'like a little child.'
He likely has a form of dementia WHICH means his brain is changing; some of his brain cells have died and are dying. This is what happens when a person becomes disoriented, fearful, confused.

It sounds like you need to get (more) caregivers - or he needs to be in a facility.
You need to intervene.

* He likely will not (be able to) change his behavior.

* Call the phone company and see if you can put a BLOCK on his phone for the number(s) he is calling.

* Tell the police (management) your dad's phone number and when they get that call, they can either (1) ignore it, or (2) call you about it.

* Ask his medical provider to write a letter indicating he has dementia.
* Provide a copy of that letter to the Police Dept - walk in and talk to the person in charge of the department.

Gena / Touch Matters

My mom still does that, tells the cops to look my background up from 20 years ago! Nothing the police could do expect tell me to leave. Now mom lives with me. She called again at my home. I can't really tell you that there is anything you can do, except tell the cops to put it in there computer. They have to come out no matter what. I took my mom's phone away, she goes to the neighbors to call, but I think I've stopped that also.
Good luck to you.

Yes, I'm in the same boat. My mom continually calls the sheriff. They finally told me they would get human services involved if it continued. I live 800 miles away and for now she's agreed to call me first and that's helped for now.

How about getting him a companion who can entertain him and redirect his focus on the police? We used Care.com.........perhaps asking for a man will give him someone he can relate to and maybe the guy can drive dad around.

In the meantime, I would unplug the phone.

Is it safe for him to be left alone at all if he’s to this point in his cognitive decline? Might be time to have a full time caregiver or else move to assisted living.

Just a suggestion here….When it became apparent that my father could no longer use an iPhone (it just be became too complicated for him) I got him a RAZ memory cell phone. It is a phone specifically for dementia patients. You control the phone through the caregiver app. You control the contacts on it, and can control if people outside of his contact list are able to call him at all. This is great feature to avoid scam calls. It has no voicemail, no internet, and no apps, so it’s very straight forward. This was fine by me as he was unable to figure out how to listen to messages anyway. It has a dial pad but you can disable it if you want to and he will only be able to call the people you have programmed into his contacts. The contacts are pictures of the person with the name of the person under the picture. All they have to do to make a call is touch the picture. I was even able to put the picture of the small family owned pizza place he likes to order from, and I called them and gave them a credit card to keep on file so he can order whenever he wants without getting confused about the payment aspect.

Here is where this could REALLY help you…as his caregiver you can register the phone for the service that takes the calls he makes to 911 and they will speak to him to determine if this is a real emergency or just a dementia patient pushing buttons on their phone. If it is they will call 911, if not they they will tell him to have a good night and hang up. You can also set an alert so whenever he makes a 911 call the service will alert you and ask if you would like them to call 911 and they will stay on the line while you call him to make sure he’s okay. Or you can just text back saying he’s fine and they won’t call 911.

It can be a bit maddening to get all those alerts (I once got 15 in a hour), but at least you are dealing with the service and getting it resolved before the police show up. You can also just turn off the alert so you don’t have any idea when he is calling 911 and let these trained people handle it. If it is a true emergency and the service has called 911 they will call you and let you know. It saved my sanity. You will need to register for this service and send in your medical POA to the company. I think it’s like $89 a year.

the phone is not without it’s “issues”, but overall WAY easier to use for him and I get A LOT less calls from him saying his phone is broken (because he can’t figure out how to use it even though he is calling from the phone that is supposedly broken 🤪 ).

Maybe give it a try.

I believe that if someone is incapable of using the phone properly, their access needs to be cut off. This probably also means they should not be left alone. The consequences of an inappropriate call to 911 can be deadly. I realize there often aren’t a lot of options and that dementia sneaks up gradually, but this should be a wake up call to revisit the elder’s care situation.

The brain is tricky with dementia and many act differently then another. I got a GrandPad for a lady I cared for and programmed all the numbers she should have in her phone. When her dementia got worse, she really could not figure out how to dial the phone, but was able to push buttons of people that she knows-next to their photo. They knew her situation. Although technically she could have dialed 911, she could not figure out how to access that screen. It might be worth a try for your Dad. I too agree that he should not be alone for any length of time. Even in a nursing facility, they are alone some. I would install In house cameras if caring for him at home. Have it set up so that you can keep an eye on him through your phone if you are not in the room. All the best in managing his care. It will only become more challenging as time goes on.

Does he have an Iphone? If so he may do it by accident. My person I care for always turns he iphone of because when he picks it up or goes to put it down he pushes the sides which brings up the screen where you can slide to turn of but the other day he hit the second which dialed 911 and I caught it and hung up but they called to ask if e need help.

A facility is a better option for your father's safety.

Your father will continue to call the police as this is a number he remembers & someone always answers . As hard as it is you can’t be their 24/7 & even if you were he’d still manage to call them anyway . If you take away the phone he’ll do something else . Maybe as hard as what it will be , put him into respite care at an assisted living facility . Don’t give him a mobile as he’ll continue to call the police or anyone on the phone day & night . Leave any phone calls for the facility to handle . At first he might be angry , upset & constantly wanting to call you to take him home . All this is completely normal , eventually he will settle but it takes time , sometimes weeks to mths . But then your mind will be at ease that he has 24hr care & that you can visit whenever you like , hrs permitting . He’ll be around people similar of age etc . It’s one of the hardest decisions a child has to make on behalf of a parent , but remember he’s child like now & doesn’t understand what he’s doing wrong or even remember it . Police can only be understanding for so long , especially if he’s taking them away from other duties . Think about all your options , even a carer in the home while your at work , dementia workshops etc . Hopefully everything will work out the best for all in the end .

My wife has the same habit - fortunately all of the officers who have responded, so far, have been more than understanding. My solution was to disconnect the land line whenever Ann is awake and depend on my "pay as you go" cell phone. that has worked for the past week, even though I've forgotten to reconnect at times and missed some calls - nothing important though thankfully. My phone will still accept messages when disconnected.

You need to get him evaluated by your dr.You not the police need to understand that the police must respond to every call.Consider a home or a caregiver.He can not be left alone.

"Father keeps calling police for no reason". 
I'd bet he DOES have reasons. Fear being my first guess. Lonliness second. Where did you go? How long will you be? Are you ever coming back?

"Frustrating.."
Yes. Time to make changes.

"He acts like a little child".
He is acting like an adult with dementia.

"I wish the police would understand."
Some officers won't. How much dementia training to you think they get? (A 95yo with dementia got tasered in Australia this month). Some officers WILL get it. They will get that an elderly person is being left alone, is afraid or lonely so calling for help.

Being able to call the Police, Fire or Ambulance in a real emergency is a necessity. Please do not take the phone away.

However, if he cannot use a telephone appropriately, he needs supervision.

Dementia is progressive. The care level gets progressively higher. It is not easy (big understatement), but being realisitic about his needs will be kindest & safest.

The Raz phone has an option where 911 calls are answered by qualified emergency personnel who are aware of the situation. They decide if there is a real emergency that should be addressed without going through 911. They also contact you. It was a great help with my father who had lewy body dementia with violent delusions. The cost initially is well worth it.

When someone has Alzheimer’s their reality changes as the brain develops holes. Reasoning is gone. If he is in his own he could be experiencing irrational fear and anxiety. He may be seeing thing that aren’t there and getting scared. He should not be left in his own anymore. Get social services involved to get a sitter each day, disconnect the land line.

Disconnect your land line, use a cellphone.

My wife has the same habit, in fact she not only calls the police, she just randomly hits all of the speed dial buttons and calls anybody, at any time of the night or day. My solution was to disconnect the phone whenever she was awake, and all night in case, as was her habit, she gets up while I'm sleeping. The problem is that I sometime forget and she manages to make a call or two. Fortunately, our local police are very understanding and others she has called also understand the problem. In fact, just yesterday she managed to make a call to 911. Her stock complaint is that she has been kidnaped. When the officer showed up, she changed the story, very sweetly she told him "Oh no, this is my husband, he takes good care of me - I have Dementia:" I was surprised, didn't know she understood the problem,
It's been suggested that I use only my cell phone, which I have used only for emergencies in the past, it's a pay as you go phone, no contract, so I have problems with that feature. The number has not been given to those who may need/want to call, but only have my land line number, which I have always used as primary. However, it does appear to be the solution, maybe turn off the land line and go cell phone only.

Police have serious issues to deal with other than handling calls from dementia patients, same as 911 dispatchers do! "Understanding " only goes so far when an elder is left alone to make inappropriate phone calls instead of having a caregiver at home or being in a Memory Care Assisted Living facility or daycare. It's up to the family to insure the elder is properly managed on a daily basis and not the police department!

Your father's brain is not functioning properly anymore which is the definition of dementia. He's going to act childish in certain ways from now on. The question is, what are you going to do to help him and cut down on your frustration in the process? Education is beneficial so you can understand the disease process and what to expect or not expect from dad moving forward.

I suggest you read this 33 page booklet online about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it.

Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller 

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580

Jennifer is a nurse who worked for many years as an educator and counsellor for people with dementia and their families, as well as others in caring roles. She addresses the emotional and grief issues in the contexts in which they arise for families living with dementia. The reviews for her books are phenomenal b/c they are written in plain English & very easy to read/understand. Her writings have been VERY helpful for me.

The full copy of her book is available here:

https://www.amazon.com/Thoughtful-Dementia-Care-Understanding-Experience/dp/B09WN439CC/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2E7WWE9X5UFXR&keywords=jennifer+ghent+fuller+books&qid=1657468364&sprefix=jennifer+ghent%2Caps%2C631&sr=8-2

My aunt had to have her telephone taken away from her in AL after calling 911 once too often. Some have to disable the emergency call numbers on the elders phones.

Best of luck to you!

Who is caring for your father while you work. If no one, the police can call Adult Protection Services in. A person suffering from Dementia at some point can't be left alone. The Police understand but there are limits. If no one is with Dad while you work, there should be. If Dad can't afford that, then there are options. You see if he qualities for in home Medicaid. It may even be time to place him in Long-term care. Maybe Daycare.

You should not give up your job to care for Dad. Your future is important. Some Caregivers give up everything to care for a LO only to find when the LO is gone they have nothing, no support. You are important to.