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Moved in with father-in-law 18 months ago. He promised to pay all expenses if we took care of him. He got my wife to agree we should pay for all food and house supplies. Then he told her we should pay half utilities. I think he should pay for everything as promised. He has plenty of income and savings to do this.

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I think you are right. He is getting a free service that he would pay dearly for if someone outside family was doing it.

My mother talked about me to paying the house bills and expenses when I moved in. She thought I should take care of them -- her reasoning ability was gone. She had turned it around in her mind that they were taking care of poor destitute me, so I needed to pay for my upkeep. As it is now, I pay for my own things, e.g. cell phone, computer, car expenses, and about 1/3 the food (she eats a lot more than I do).

In my mother's mind she thought she would save their money and leave it to all their kids. In my mind, I would be the one paying the money that would end up being divided four ways with three other people who don't help at all. Of course, it is likely that no money will be left in the estate at all if she needs to go in a NH. It would not be wise for me to pay for things.
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First, this in the FILe house. He asked his daughter to move in to care for him. It's not room and board for the person who owns the house. If he made an agreement that he would continue to pay all expenses for u to help him than that is what he should do. In my opinion, you are only responsible for your personal needs. Your car, gas, toiletries, clothing, etc. By you caring for him, the increase of utilities and food bill are the cost of being cared for. If he had a Live in caregiver, he would have to pay a salary plus increase in utilities and food. Tell him he is getting a good deal and if he doesn't agree tell him u will be finding another place to live.
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thanks for the replies. a little more info. FIL asked us to sell our home after my wife retired, come down to Myrtle Beach and take care of him in exchange for the following. he would pay are expenses moving to MB. he would buy us a car of our choosing to drive him around. he would pay all living expenses. we could store our stuff in his garage. he has not done any of the above things. he is a man who has lived off everyone else his entire life. everything he has now is from his wife who passed away 4 years ago. he knows exactly what he is doing, he wants to live off us now. my plan now is to tell him he has to abide by the original agreement and see an Elder attorney or we are leaving. i know he doesn't want to go to assisted care or nursing home so i have that in my favor. any more suggestions?
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markevans999, when father-in-law does start to pay for his fair share, make sure you have it in writing, and keep copies of the utility bills, food bills, etc. and write on the receipts how much father-in-law paid.

The reason for doing the above is if down the road Dad-in-law needs to go into a skilled continuing care facility, and if Medicaid [which is different from Medicare] need to be called in to help pay for his care, they will see from the paperwork you saved that father-in-law wasn't "gifting" you this money.

Sometimes we would need to cut back on spending if you are paying for Dad's upkeep. Like don't get Dad his favorite food, just tell him the cost of groceries has increased and you need to cut back. Turn down the heat, again the cost of heating is gone up. Cut back on cable if he watching a lot of TV. You get my drift. Maybe he will start contributing to the household expenses.
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"He is a man who has lived off everyone else his entire life." Why did you expect he would be different now? You sold your house and moved in to take care of him, without any written agreement?

It is hard to understand how you fell for his promises, but it is time now to protect yourself. Get his promise in writing and enforce it, or get out.
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Whoooa! Your FIL thinks you should take care of him, pay for all groceries, household supplies, and part of the utilities? And he is not destitute.

Totally unacceptable. Poor man is not thinking straight. He is most likely not trying to take advantage of you but he's clueless. His ignorance should not become a problem for you. In the nicest way possible, explain the facts of caregiving to him. Perhaps an outsider could explain it in a way he'd accept it better: a social worker, a clergy person, his doctor.
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Please stand your ground.
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"'He is a man who has lived off everyone else his entire life.' Why did you expect he would be different now? You sold your house and moved in to take care of him, without any written agreement?

It is hard to understand how you fell for his promises, but it is time now to protect yourself. Get his promise in writing and enforce it, or get out."

Having dealt with family members like your FIL a big part of my life, I'd recommend not even bothering to try to enforce his "promises." Just leave. 

If he has spent his life using other people, he'll find a way to use you—one way or another as he already is trying to. Remaining in his house will make you and your wife even more vulnerable as he owns the property and therefore has more power over you. There is a great potential for all of your retirement savings to be used up and your marriage to be ruined. Do everything you can to reach through to your wife and set some boundaries with this man—and move as soon as you can.
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BTW, I think a parent paying their caregiving child is a very good thing. Mine doesn't pay me and it doesn't matter, but many parents do pay their children for helping them. They draw up a caregiving contract and treat it like a job. I think it is a great idea if it is possible.
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The knowledge that you are both retired helps me with this. If his bills are not higher, he is getting a pretty good deal with you there!
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